More threads by AlleyWay

AlleyWay

Member
Hi Folks,

I'm hoping to find and connect with someone who has been or is in a similar situation as myself.

I have a good friend who is dx'ed with DID. She has come a long way in the past few years in her healing and growing. I'm very proud of her. Unfortunately right now, we are getting really close to some difficult safety issues not only within herself, but from outside as well (SRA family/abusers).

I am struggling trying to learn all I can about the threats that have been made to her regarding herself and me as well and to what degree I can actually help her and myself safe. And not to mention, should I really be concerned that I could be hurt?

I know this might sound a bit out there and there may be no one else here that has ever experienced this kind of problem, but I have to take the chance and ask.

Thanks for having me......I hope everyone is well and I look forward to meeting you!

AlleyWay
 

Daniel E.

daniel@psychlinks.ca
Administrator
:welcome2:
I have a good friend who is dx'ed with DID.
That diagnosis often has more to do with the therapist than the patient, so a second opinion, such as from her psychiatrist, may be be worthwhile.

In any case, the best thing a friend can do is encourage them to continuing seeking professional help. Many people will start seeing a therapist or psychiatrist and then stop after the first few appointments.

the threats that have been made to her regarding herself and me as well
Can you be more specific? Did you hear these threats yourself? If it's threats from former abusers, then calling the police about your options is always a good idea.
 

AlleyWay

Member
Thanks Daniel. My friend is in therapy, has a pdoc, nurse, etc etc. She is also in group therapy. She does not want to leave therapy and she knows and sees how much she has grown from it. She is really doing everything right as far as working on herself goes.

The issue that we are having now lies with control both inside her mind and outside influences (physically harmful TO her and they are threatening my safety to her, in other words, stop talking or we'll hurt your friend).

I hope that explained what I meant better than my original post LOL. ;)

Again, thanks for the welcome!

AlleyWay
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
:confused:

I'm not sure what "SRA"means here:

(SRA family/abusers)

Also, are you talking about direct verbal threats from other people? That you have personally experienced?

If so, are these people related to your friend?
 

AlleyWay

Member
SRA=Satanic Ritual Abuse

I'm speaking of verbal threats to my friend that they will harm me or worse if she continues to speak to me.

These people are either personally related to her or from the cult that she was born into.

I've done quite a bit of research and found great ideas for staying safe (both for her and for me). We are instituting those ideas immediately and have other ideas that will take some time to institute.

AlleyWay
 

Daniel E.

daniel@psychlinks.ca
Administrator
I'm speaking of verbal threats to my friend that they will harm me or worse if she continues to speak to me.
How are these people from her past delivering these threats? Through her only?
 

AlleyWay

Member
Up to this point the threats are delivered through my friend only.

The police have been notified about the first attack made against my friend earlier this year, but not the 2nd attack. The 2nd one was just brought to my attention recently and we're still processing it through her and her system, so not sure if they will be called on this one or not yet.

She's asked me to attend her appt. with her T this week. I do this now and again when there is something she's dealing with that is really difficult.

I am not afraid for myself here. I am afraid for her and what might come down the pike for her. I know I can't "fix" this, but I can be supportive in other ways. I feel that if they wanted to hurt me or worse, they would have done so by now. Secrecy is huge to them, it's the only way they can get away with what they do. Since I am not controlled by the cult (mind control or any other way), they would have difficulty getting away with anything as I have made it public knowledge (I have a statement given to family and friends that if anything were to happen to me, who it was and why) that I have been indirectly threatened and by whom.

AlleyWay
 
Hi AlleyWay,
I agree with every one else I would get the police seriously involved in this.
This sort of cult works on fear and threat, rather like blackmailers once you break the secrecy their threarts become powerless.

I would give the police all the information you have about them, what they are doing is criminal.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Why wasn't "the second attack" reported? How certain are you that it occurred?

I can tell you that one of my reactions to all this is that you and your friend seem highly enmeshed. I'm not sure why you would attend her therapy appointment(s) or what that would accomplish - for either of you.
 

AlleyWay

Member
Thanks :)

Please don't get me wrong...I would LOVE to involve the police and you are absolutely right...it is criminal.

Don't think I'm making excuses here, but if you have some idea of the brainwashing and other cult activity there is (was done to my friend since birth) and how DID affects an individual, you will know that getting them to make a police report is a huge undertaking and very very difficult. The fact that she went to the police the first time amazed me. If she decides to make another report right now, I will be surprised. I do think it's something she will be able to do down the road a bit. We will have to talk through it in more depth this week with her T.

I do appreciate all the support so far and I welcome thoughts and ideas. I'm pretty good at keeping emotion out of things so that I can think more clearly and logically, but sometimes, being in the throws of it all can make things a bit muddier for me.

AlleyWay
 

Jazzey

Account Closed
Member
Is your friend currently trying to leave the cult? I'm just trying to understand the motivation behind the threats...
 

AlleyWay

Member
Why wasn't "the second attack" reported? How certain are you that it occurred?

I can tell you that one of my reactions to all this is that you and your friend seem highly enmeshed. I'm not sure why you would attend her therapy appointment(s) or what that would accomplish - for either of you.

I think you and I posted at the same time. LOL

The second attack wasn't reported out of complete terror and fear on her part.

My friend and I are highly enmeshed. I listen to her, I care about her very much, I validate her feelings, her emotions and I do my best to help her whenever she needs someone. I don't lie to her about the real world, I don't tell her what she has to do, I give her ideas, help her find her own ideas and support her decisions whether I think they are right or wrong. She also does the same for me. Isn't that what friendship is all about?

I go to her T appts rarely....and only in a supportive way. There are times when I have interaction with an alter that she has no memory of and she asks me to explain what happened to T. I have been a part of her support team for a long time. I'm one of the few people she trusts in this world. As you know, trust comes very hard for abused folks. Her team has permission to speak with me about her as does her family doctor. This was all her idea and she asked me if it was ok for her to sign those papers.

David, I feel a bit like you are either not liking how much I'm involved with my friend or that you are questioning the validity of this situation. I hope I am wrong in that feeling and it's just that I'm not familiar with the way you communicate.

AlleyWay

---------- Post added at 05:38 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:33 PM ----------

Is your friend currently trying to leave the cult? I'm just trying to understand the motivation behind the threats...


Hi Jazzey,

No, my friend is not a current member of the cult. She has not been a member for many years. Her family is very active in the cult. What has happened to her over the years is that in order for the cult to maintain silence from my friend is to continually visit her, threaten her, physically abuse her.

The motivation comes from them running scared that she is talking about her past, about them and what they did to her and countless other individuals.

AlleyWay
 

Jazzey

Account Closed
Member
Ok, thank you. :)

I was just wondering. My experience with cults is quite limited. I have one friend who's parents were involved in a cult. At the age of 17 years old, he left both his family and the cult. Neither his family nor the cult tried to maintain ties with him - he was personae non grata once he chose to leave. It's left indelible marks on him - but for different reasons.

I hope that your friend is able to obtain the requisite help and safety that she needs. And, like Dr. Baxter, I think it's time to involve the police and, to keep them informed of any new developments.

Of course, the other option is always to move away a little further. I don't know where you're located - is this an option for her? To move?
 

AlleyWay

Member
For safety reasons, I will not mention where we are located. I will say that she made a move quite far away from where she lived before. Until she has more healing, more introspect into her system and how it works, there will always be some worries as to others finding her because keeping herself completely safe at this time is not possible. (for a couple of reasons).

AlleyWay
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
My friend and I are highly enmeshed. I listen to her, I care about her very much, I validate her feelings, her emotions and I do my best to help her whenever she needs someone. I don't lie to her about the real world, I don't tell her what she has to do, I give her ideas, help her find her own ideas and support her decisions whether I think they are right or wrong. She also does the same for me. Isn't that what friendship is all about?

I don't think that most healthy friendships (or relationships) would be described as "highly enmeshed", no. I'm not saying that your friendship is necessarily unhealthy, either. Just expressing a concern... And if your friend does suffer from dissociative identity disorder, a blurring of boundaries might be problematic for her and her recovery.

David, I feel a bit like you are either not liking how much I'm involved with my friend or that you are questioning the validity of this situation.

Neither. I'm just asking questions, trying to better understand the situation and what it is you're asking.
 

AlleyWay

Member
Thanks David for explaining your concerns. And I believe your concern about us being very enmeshed quite valid.

We are continually defining and redefining our boundaries as she moves forward in her recovery process. I, too, am learning a lot as well about her disorder. When we first met, there were very little boundaries and we both learned quickly how damaging that can be to both of us. We have worked consistently together on creating and understanding boundaries and we are reaping the rewards of our communication and ability to be honest with one another. Imagine if you will, how difficult it can be, in being a friend to her as the host, and also in accepting her as she is and interacting with her alters as well.

In this situation, I'm not just dealing with one whole personality who can think like a completely integrated being. There is much filtering of information, feelings, emotions, and memories that she must go through before coming to a decision about what is best for herself.

All I would like to do is help her by giving her good, solid information in which she can think about and decide if it is valid and possible for her. David, I understand your concern here and I can tell you that if her T, her pdoc, or any other professional on her team feels that I am not helping her or if I'm doing something wrong, they will inform me of this. That is something I asked of them right from the beginning. All I am is her friend, nothing more nothing less.

AlleyWay

---------- Post added at 09:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:30 PM ----------

How did they find her recently? or was the attack before she moved away?

Unfortunately, she is still in contact with some family members (not cult members) who do not know of the abuse and inadvertently filter information to other family members and filter more to other family members until the ones in the cult are made aware of where she is and some of what she is doing. There is also the possibility that there are some alters within that are programmed to be in contact with the cult. She may be calling them and not even knowing it.

Before she moved away there was no safety for her whatsoever. There was constant abuse, weekly, sometimes daily. After her move over 2 years ago, an attack didn't happen until she moved into her own place (about 20 months of safety she had never known before). When she was living with others, there were no attacks. So, I think it's obvious, she needs to not be living alone at this time. That will be something that needs to be worked on.


AlleyWay
 
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