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Cavi

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The last session my T said that the therapy and the writing wasn't helping (I have to clarify with her what she actually meant) but I have to tell her that I am the one that caused the internal damage, she knew I hadn't been feeling good and was going to my GP, she told me to let her know what the outcome was...

If I tell her she will probably really think that she's not helping and terminate and it was hard enough to find her and her believing what happened with my ex T....

If she terminates I might as well ---------------cause there won't be any hope for me getting well...

Number 1 I didn't want to go to my GP but in my last session I was running a temperature and my T told me to go that in order to do therapy I had to be feeling ok physically...

I didn't tell my GP that I was the cause, I can't....NObody can know...I've been hiding self injury since I was 8 and I'm 44 now...

I've got to calm down b/c the voices are starting again and they push me to the edge and one day I am afraid they will push me over....

I've seen 9 different T's just since June and there is no way I can handle losing my T....RIMH
 

David Baxter

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

I understand your anxieties, RIMH, but try to have a little faith in her. I really don't think she would consider terminating you as a client merely because you were hesitant to go to your physician.

She does have a point though: If you're feverish, you're probably not going to be able to focus very effectively duing a therapy session. Next time you're in that condition, it might be a good idea to postpone the session until you're feeling a little better.
 

Cavi

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

Hi Dr. Baxter....I have to tell her that I am the one that caused the internal damage, this is whats causing the anxiety about her terminating, not b/c I didn't wanna go to my GP....

I am afraid when she finds out its came from me that she'll think that the therapy isn't helping...

Heck I can't even say it to myself w/o getting a lump in my throat the size of TX. and choking....

RIMH
 
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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

rimh, i doubt she'll terminate because of you being the cause. there are several people on the forum here who struggle with self-injury and that is something you need outside help with to overcome. it wouldn't make sense for a therapist to stop treating you. she's there to help you. as i have read somewhere else in a thread here, if you are not honest with your therapist then they don't have the full picture. therapy cannot be as effective when they don't know of important things like this. all in all i think it would be a positive step in your therapy for you to tell her. she will then be able to make appropriate adjustments to your treatment.
 

David Baxter

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

Ladybug is correct. I'm not sure what you mean by "internal damage" exactly but your therapist is treating you for various issues including or related to self-injury. It's very unlikely that she would terminate you for a slip - that would be like terminating someone being treated for depression because they came to a session feeling depressed, or terminating someone being treated for anxiety because they felt nervous on the day of a session.
 

Cavi

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

ok on a rational level I understand what your saying and atm I am fighting to stay rational b/c I got triggered by something in 3-D and the voices are angry...

So it's best for me to stay away..............RIMH
 

ThatLady

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

The fact that you haven't told your therapist about the self injury may be part of the reason therapy doesn't seem to be working very well for you. The therapist doesn't have all the pieces to the puzzle, RIMH. Without them, she can't be as effective as she can if she knows the truth - all of it. :hug:
 

Cavi

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

OK I think I can handle this now...I understand what your saying and as hard as it will be I will tell my T...She knows I use to cut and burn but this is something entirely different and causes extreme pain...I am bound to be my own judge and jury and punish myself for something I did years ago...

But I kept shoving it down to the point I can't shove it down anymore...I keep reliving my past for what I have done and what has been done to me... Plus the stuff I went through with my ex T....RIMH
 

ThatLady

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

That's an excellent decision, RIMH. With the knowledge you give your therapist she will be better able to help you deal with the difficulties that are causing you to hurt yourself. I know it must be a difficult thing for you to talk about, even to your therapist, but doing so will set you free. It will take time, but you'll get there. :hug:
 

Halo

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

RIMH,

I think that you are truly making the best decision to tell your T. I can relate to how difficult it is going to be to open up to your therapist about a part of your life that you have not shared with anyone but I can say from personal experience that it truly makes a difference when you do let someone in to help. I honestly don't believe that your T will terminate based on what you tell her and more than likely she will be happy that you are being honest and opening up.

Take care and my thoughts are with you.
:hug:
 

Cavi

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

TY!....I am feeling pretty stable today (wow what a switch) and tomorrow I see my T and I've been practicing saying what I need to say...I still choke but its getting better....RIMH
 
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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

rimh, i hope it goes well for you. good that you are practicing, that's good preparation :) let us know how it turns out for you tomorrow.
 

Halo

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Re: How Am I Going To Tell My T??

RIMH

It is good that you are practicing for your session tomorrow and what you are going to say to your T but another suggestion that has worked for me in the past is to write out what I want to say and hand it to my psych. Sometimes I find this easier so that I can really express what I need to.

Either way, I think it takes courage and strength to open up fully and I believe you are making the right decision.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out :)
:hug:
 

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