How long is too long?

[clarity2005]

I was married for 11 years (dated for 5 before that). My husband left me a year and a half ago for a women he met in an online game. She lives in Canada we live in the US. I was devastated when he left. I did not see it coming. He called me on the phone to tell me he was not coming home and that he wanted a divorce. I found out a few days later he had an online affair for 6 months before he left. We have a 9 year old son that is doing very well thankfully. We have been able to keep things cordial and I think that helped our son alot. I am not doing so well though. I feel very angry and resentful. I worked 2 jobs for many years while my husband went to graduate school. Now he leaves me broke and scrounging to get by. He makes alot more $$ than me even after he pays me child support. I am so mad that the women he left me for now reaps the benefits of my supporting him while he went to school. I've been able to squash my anger towards him so we can maintain a cordial relationship for our son. All my anger seems to have moved onto the women he left me for (I knew her for several years before their affair). What's the best way to deal with these feelings? How long does it take to heal and feel "NORMAL" after a divorce? Everyone tells me it takes time.... but isn't a year and a half enough time? Why should I still feel this way?

 

[clarity2005]

I forgot to mention my divorce will be finalized on 11/15 and he is planning to marry her shortly after that and it bugs me alot!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's a difficult situation, but of course it happens and not infrequently. Do the terms of your divorce include provisions for equitable division of assets and anything for retraining for you (to enable you to be more competitive in employment)? The laws in this regard seem to vary quite a bit from one locale to another.

Beyond that, you may want to look for a local support group for "life after divorce" and "single parenting". These are often offered for little or no cost by local service agencies or churches.

 

[clarity2005]

We did not own a house together. I took the car (he has a company car). Both of us rent apartments now. There was no money or property to divide up. I am working from home as a medical biller which I really like doing. Business is slow though. I never finished my college education because we could not afford 2 people in school then I had my son and time did not allow. We follow the court guidlines for child support based on our income. It's just really hard to swallow... he travels to Canada alot to see his girlfriend. I struggle to put food on the table.

 

[ThatLady]

A local support group would, I think, be a good thing for you, hon. There's no way to make a bitter pill sweet; yet, you can learn to cope and to put the past behind you. Sharing your feelings with others who are facing the same trials you are facing can make this easier to do.

There's no set time-frame for grieving a loss. Each person goes through the process in his/her own time. When the loss is a marriage, like yours is, people tend to get stuck in the anger phase and have a hard time getting out of it. Support groups can be very helpful in talking things out and getting a new perspective.

Good luck to you. There's a bright life out there waiting for you and your son. You just have to let go of what was and set out after what can be.