I am out of options

[SilverRaven]

I feel I have no more options available to me...I have spent hours and days calling places to see if I can find help for my depression and there is nothing available close to me that offers free or reduced payments...I thought I was getting a bit better thou but this past week was just to much for me to handle..I have been crying deep inside alone where nobody can see...but I can no longer show a smile on my face and pretend things are ok....I spoke how I was feeling to my family and I got nowhere...I called a support line today and they gave me a number to call and check to see if they offered free help or reduced it was the last option I could find...they could not help me....so I feel I have no other options out there...I have no support system now....I cant keep my emotions in check anymore...all I think about it the obvious and I am so trying not to act on it but I feel like I have no other choices...I dont have anyone to talk to nobody to help me...I am lost and now I cant be found...I have searched and searched online in phone books and there is nothing in this stupid state that can help me?.!!!!!!...I am getting the impression I was not meant to be helped...so the stupid idiotic thoughts are in my head ever more so now..I dont know what to do...I did what was suggested and yet I am still at square one...I really feel alone...this is real negative thinking and I cant change it.....I am worthless..I serve no purpose....I am a fly buzzing around a home and being swatted at with newpaper or fly swatter ...why am I here?...my family does not want me...they have proven that..everything I touch or get near turns to crap.....I am still here today...but hanging on by a strand of thin silk...I want to be different..I fought for ten years to be better than I am..to do what ever it took to be healthy and happy not for them but for myself...but in the end someone knows just how to tear it all apart and flush it ...I am hurting so bad right now and have lost all that hope I thought I was starting to see...because in the real world all you have in life is yourself and nothing else..you end up being alone always if you part ways from everything that causes you pain...I really would be living physically in an isolated world if I part from all in my life and then I would be dead in my mind anyways...I have at least broken one link in the chain today but right at this moment that chain is never ending and I cant see the end of it today.....I am alone when I cant even find help for myself and my family is not helping the situation....I turned to them like people suggested and this is how I end up feeling .....because they dont want me around or for a couple of them I live with they don't LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Daniel E.]

There's always the Internet for relatively low-cost online counseling. And a lot of libraries have the "Feeling Good" book by Dr. Burns. That book has been a lifesaver for many people, and it has a chapter on hopelessness/suicide.

 

[SilverRaven]

There's always the Internet for relatively low-cost online counseling. And a lot of libraries have the "Feeling Good" book by Dr. Burns. That book has been a lifesaver for many people, and it has a chapter on hopelessness/suicide.

I will check the sites out if i can find any so far when i have spent time looking for help online I have not come across any online help only self help sittes...is there a specific thing i should be typing in or something to find them...I will go to the bookstore tomorow and look for that book...thanks for the idea...i really dont know what else to do

 

[Daniel E.]

A good way to get started for free is this online CBT program (interfacing with a computer rather than a therapist):

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

as mentioned here:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/cognitive-behavior-therapy-cbt/23201-links-to-online-cbt-resources.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/online-c...isorder-depression-and-anxiety-disorders.html

And, of course, you can always post questions here at Psychlinks.

 

[Retired]

Hello Silver Raven,

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time locating a resource that can help.

I am getting the impression I was not meant to be helped

Not at all, but sometimes bureacracy gets in the way to finding the right resource for you. Give us a chance to help and maybe together we can figure out how you might get through this difficult time.

I believe you are in Virginia, is that right? On doing an initial search I cam up with This Online Resource that lists crisis lines in various parts of your State.

Because I don't believe we have communicated before, I am not familiar with your situation. Are you currently under the care of a physician or other therapist for your depression? Are you taking medication for your mood disorders?

What about family or friends....is there someone close to you that can be of help and provide you with support?

I understand you are feeling pretty bad, and your post is in the Suicide section of Psychlinks....are you contemplating suicide? Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?

Know that we are here to help, Silver Raven and that although life may seem to be bleak at this time, that there may be solutions we can figure out that can help resolve some of these issues.

Let's keep the conversation going to see what we can come up with.

 

[SilverRaven]

Hello Silver Raven,

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time locating a resource that can help.



Not at all, but sometimes bureacracy gets in the way to finding the right resource for you. Give us a chance to help and maybe together we can figure out how you might get through this difficult time.

I believe you are in Virginia, is that right? On doing an initial search I cam up with This Online Resource that lists crisis lines in various parts of your State.

Because I don't believe we have communicated before, I am not familiar with your situation. Are you currently under the care of a physician or other therapist for your depression? Are you taking medication for your mood disorders?

What about family or friends....is there someone close to you that can be of help and provide you with support?

I understand you are feeling pretty bad, and your post is in the Suicide section of Psychlinks....are you contemplating suicide? Have you ever attempted suicide in the past?

Know that we are here to help, Silver Raven and that although life may seem to be bleak at this time, that there may be solutions we can figure out that can help resolve some of these issues.

Let's keep the conversation going to see what we can come up with.

...thanks Steve...yes i am in Virginia...and i talked to someone on the national crisis line today and she gave me a number for a place near by but they do not accept sliding scales..so I was at at the end of what I can do..she knew of no places near me..and she is in marion here so she should know I guess...I have not been seeing anyone or been on any meds for over a year now since my move....I have plans lots of them...I have thought about when and where...yes I am suicidal now...but have not acted upon it yet..

I talked to family back home and to my husband who is with me and i got nowhere...it goes in one ear and out the other...along with blame...there is alot of history behind my feelings and I was doing well on my own but lately it is way out of control and all i do is pace and pace and cant get my mind off of thoughts of harming myself...

I do alot of self harm which only relieves the tension briefly but i dont want to do that either...I cant sleep I cant eat...I have tried many times in the past to kill myself...last year being the last time...

I thought moving away from things causing some of my problems would improve things for me and my husband and son but nooooo.....its the same and worse...I have been reading and that only distracts me for a few moments beforre my thoughts return to bad...i am going to try and find that book tomorrow thou...and I have been looking online for help and i saw alot of CBT things just didnt think it applied to me since I went through DBT several times...I thought they were different since my therapist never mentioned it before...

 

[Retired]

yes I am suicidal now...but have not acted upon it yet

Will you promise to keep yourself safe so we can try to figure out a way for you to get through this?

she gave me a number for a place near by but they do not accept sliding scales

To be sure I understand what you are looking for, are you looking for a therapist or physician whose fees are based on your current income, insurance benefits or ability to pay?

thought moving away from things causing some of my problems would improve things for me and my husband and son

What seems to be at the root of the problems that moving to a different location cannot solve? Are the problems based on your relationship with your husband?

I have plans lots of them

Would you share what are some of your plans ?

How old is your son, Silver Raven?

 

[SilverRaven]

Will you promise to keep yourself safe so we can try to figure out a way for you to get through this?



To be sure I understand what you are looking for, are you looking for a therapist or physician whose fees are based on your current income, insurance benefits or ability to pay?



What seems to be at the root of the problems that moving to a different location cannot solve? Are the problems based on your relationship with your husband?



Would you share what are some of your plans ?

How old is your son, Silver Raven?

my children are 21 20 19 and 11..the others are back home in wisconsin one is going to prison and i cant be there to help him...my husband and 11 yr old son living with me argue everyday over the same thing over and over and over and over..never ending and again just now they are and I am tired of it...they wont listen to me when i say they are driving me insane.....they wont stop not even for one day...we moved away because we lost our home last year and had nowhere to go no family would help us out but a friend i met online gave us an open invitation to come stay with them until we got on our feet...my kids back home were driving me nuts with all the fighting and blaming going on...so we came here to get away from it and start over....I never should have moved...we were lied to from the start by this ex friend of mine..and he is a drug user and me having used in the past started using while living there so we moved asap into our own place.....it boils down to mostly no support in my life and everyone running around with their heads cut off....i guess an entire family of mental issues of various degrees does not help...an\
and yes i am looking for someone who bases care on income...since i no longer have insurance and im poor....

{specific details of suicidal thoughts deleted}

my problems stem with my current liviing situation and back home...i cant get away from anything...cant fix anything...

 

[Retired]

You have obviously endured more stress than most people, and you would appear to be in need of local support. Is there a hospital in your area where you could go to the Emergency Department for help?

A more immediate resource would be that you call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

Your children will need your guidance and love as they begin their own lives, and your children are your most important reason to live.

Will you call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) explain your situation, and let us know the outcome?

 

[SilverRaven]

You have obviously endured more stress than most people, and you would appear to be in need of local support. Is there a hospital in your area where you could go to the Emergency Department for help?

A more immediate resource would be that you call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

Your children will need your guidance and love as they begin their own lives, and your children are your most important reason to live.

Will you call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) explain your situation, and let us know the outcome?

I did call them today....I talked to the lady for over an hour or so...I told her my intentions and what would happen if my husband and son started their crap again tonight...which they did...but yet i am sititng here talking to you so I have not let to do anything yet...if I go to a hospital that will incure high charges that we simply cannot afford...my mental health seems to be a big burden on us as it costs so much ...the meds I need are not cheap and a stay in the hospital would be over 400 a day ...I explained the situation to the lady today...she told me to call back if I was still feeling bad and planned on leaving tonight...I told her I would try...if i can get a cell signal on my phone...I told my husband I was sitting here talking to you and that I was checking on online therapy and well "we cant afford 149.00 for 8 weeks".....then I told him what was going on and well he just goes to talking about work and how he hates his boss...and so like a good wifey I sit and listen..then he talks about Christmas cards?....ok......I did try to reach out today...I did try...and while talking to her I was pacing like a caged lion...I got angry..and everything else..the more I talked the angrier I got...yeah I need help ...but I dont want to put us in more debt either...thats all that seems to matter to him right now is how much it costs to see anyone...he griped about the 160 he dished out last week to get a piece of metal out of his eye...arrrghhh.......

 

[Daniel E.]

BTW: Mental Health America: Affiliate Search

And 70 percent of the people who call the national hotline are in emotional distress without being suicidal:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-...g-mental-health-care-when-money-is-tight.html

The emphasis is on prevention rather than waiting for people to call only when they are suicidal.

 

[SilverRaven]

BTW: Mental Health America: Affiliate Search

And 70 percent of the people who call the national hotline are in emotional distress without being suicidal:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-...g-mental-health-care-when-money-is-tight.html

The emphasis is on prevention rather than waiting for people to call only when they are in fact suicidal.

yeah I know how they work...I have called them many times back home....been looking at some of the links you posted on here...I told my husband about the whole hospital thing and he says why so we get charged even more?...yeah he's not thrilled I see...I been trying to get him to see what needs to be done but all he is thinking about is money...well i am off im taking up you time...I am going for a drive..they wont stop fighting so I am going out for awhile and get me a pop or something ...

 

[Daniel E.]

Since you mentioned before that you have better health benefits (Medicaid) in Wisconsin, do you have some family members there you could live with, assuming someone could pay for your trip?

my family consists of me my husband and my children...21 20 19 and 11...the three oldest live back home in Wisconsin and are happy with their own l ives...my mom is also back home to and my grandson...who i have only gotten to see for three days...I can not afford to go see him or anything....I can not afford to see any of my family

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/new-members-introductions/24764-i-am-new.html#post177665

 

[SilverRaven]

Since you mentioned before that you have better health benefits (Medicaid) in Wisconsin, do you have some family members there you could live with, assuming someone could pay for your trip?

no I dont...my mom and i dont get along together and my other children well...Kat lives with her father at the moment mikes in jail...kristin is married with her own family and wants to keep it that way...she doesnt want anyone staying with them...I was suprised she let us last year for a week but that was only because she was having her son and she wanted me to be there...but other than that we talked and no she could not put up with us being there espec since Scott and Skyler like to argue all the time which is what they did there to and she couldnt stand it....my mom i stayed with for a week that time to and it was agony...for all of us..she is set in her ways and she promised my brother that she would never allow me to move back in ever...so she's holding to that one....when i say i have nobody i meant it....they contact me when they want something and thats it....sucks to have been adopted into a messed up family espc since my mother was a social worker...you'd think my life would have turned out different since she dishes out the input on others lives but cant apply it to her own...nope nobody back home to stay with...i wish i want back home bad even thou life there is just as hard at least i would still be on my meds and in therapy still...

 

[Yuray]

Is the present situation you are now in a recurring one?, and if so, what is the cycle, and what are the similarities and causes?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I gave you some links previously to low cost or free medications for those without financial resources. Were you able to follow up on those?

 

[Cat Dancer]

Here is the post Dr. Baxter is referring to with the links.


http://forum.psychlinks.ca/suicide/24765-thinking-about-ending-it-all.html#post177676

 

[Cat Dancer]

You said you've been through DBT? Could you use some of the coping skills from that to help you out? Here's a helpful site that Daniel shared with me.

DBT Self Help

 

[SilverRaven]

I gave you some links previously to low cost or free medications for those without financial resources. Were you able to follow up on those?

yes I did check on those site remember and they cant help me because I do not have a doctor presently who will write the scripts I need..thats my whole problem is that I cant find anyone who will see me...I have exhausted every resource I can find...I went for a drive and was gone for a couple hours and I called the crisis number again...she is going to get me a number to call tomorrow to see if they can help me..she's not sure if they can but she said they might be able to so its worth a shot ....

---------- Post added November 9th, 2010 at 12:02 AM ---------- Previous post was November 8th, 2010 at 11:56 PM ----------

yes I did check on those site remember and they cant help me because I do not have a doctor presently who will write the scripts I need..thats my whole problem is that I cant find anyone who will see me...I have exhausted every resource I can find...I went for a drive and was gone for a couple hours and I called the crisis number again...she is going to get me a number to call tomorrow to see if they can help me..she's not sure if they can but she said they might be able to so its worth a shot ....

I will have to check that out because its been so long since I went through the course...all I can remember is staying in a wise mind..and that there is no cant and what if and why...seems I remember that because i say cant all the time and what if and why....so good at sayiing i cant......

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Oh, yes... sorry... I remember now.