I feel like I have no one to talk to

[CharlotteRaine]

...and that nobody understands me. There seems to be a chasm in communication between everyone in the world and me. No matter how thoroughly I try to explain my perspective, no one seems to understand exactly what I said.

I really need someone... just, some human being who I can be close to. Whenever I say that, people just tell me I'm feeling needy and lonely and self-centered and that I need to learn to be self-sufficient. But I can't help but be self-sufficient; I just want to know that, if I want to stop being self-sufficient for just ONE second, there will be someone there for me. When other people talk about self-sufficiency, I wonder if they already have a support network of some sort... friends, family, any of that.

But I feel like I don't have anyone in the world. I've emotionally distanced myself from my parents -- my father, because he was abusive and I don't agree with his worldview, and my mother, though I love her, because she was so submissive and didn't stand up for me when I needed her. I have no siblings. I'm told by a friend that I tend to push people away, perhaps as a defense mechanism, and I totally don't know I'm doing it, or how to change. That friend can't be my support, either, because he does the same thing (emotionally sequesters himself).

So I try to build relationships with people. I have some good friends from high school, and I was always there for them when they needed me. I told them I cared about them, which I do, and I told them I'd be there for them no matter what. I think they try to be the same for me, but they can't, because they don't know how my mind works -- mostly because they're not religious at all, and my faith is such a big part of my life. I try to talk about philosophy with them, and it seems like it goes totally over their heads: "Oh... uh... wow that sounds deep and philosophical, Charlotte, I don't really understand but you're really smart and I think you can figure it out."

But there's no one in the religious community who can support me, either, because right now, my goal is to find the truth. I am(was?) devoutly Christian at one point; now my goal is to simply grow closer to God and give my heart to Him... I'm not totally sure about Christ being part of the "Godhead" because the more pure mathematics I study, the less that argument makes sense.

I truly believe that love is giving of yourself without expecting anything in return. But I keep opening my heart to people, and I keep getting hurt, and I don't know if I'm getting anywhere better. I just pick myself up again and keep doing it, because I'm an optimist, and I'll never let other people turn me into a grouchy hermit. Nevertheless, I feel incomplete... is there an answer? Will someone point me in the right direction? How long will I have to wander before I find what I'm looking for?

 

[ThatLady]

It sounds like you would benefit by becoming involved in a church family, Charlotte. Since you're having some trouble sorting out your beliefs at this point, perhaps you could look into alternative religions to Christianity. I'm not sure where you live. If it's a big enough community to support a diverse citizenry, there should be ample opportunity to learn about different religious beliefs and find one that fits you - that feels right. While doing so, you'll have the opportunity to enjoy the company of others and make friends along the way. It's usually very easy to make friends when you're interesting in learning about people and what they believe. People love to talk about themselves, and you'll be giving them the chance to do so.

While I agree that love is giving without expectation of return on investment, it's also a part of human nature to wish to be close to others and to have friends with whom to share. :hug:

 

[CharlotteRaine]

Hi there,

Thanks for such a prompt reply. I'm a student at a small Ivy League university in the US, and I am somewhat involved with a Christian group. It's simply that I think people are more interested in evangelizing and norming that there doesn't seem to be room for the individual to search for the truth objectively on his/her own. If I want to know about something, I usually get, "well, this is how it is, trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding, etc." but if human understanding is fallible to begin with, isn't leaning on some other person's understanding equally as bad as leaning on my own? Especially if that other people never leaned on their own understanding, which means I have to believe what someone else says, even though that other person doesn't understand what they're talking about.

Lately, I've been feeling a pull toward Orthodox Judaism, but as you may know, Jews aren't particularly receptive toward potential converts (and I'm nowhere near sure that's the direction I want to go.) The general attitude is "we don't need you, and plus, you're stupid and you don't know anything." Which, objectively speaking, is absolutely true.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

If you are looking to expand your spiritual self and finding conventional Western religions confining or overly rigid or categorical, perhaps you should look into Buddhism, maybe starting with some of the writings of the Dalai Lama.

 

[Meg]

Hi Charlotte,

I am a Christian and was involved for a while with a Christian group on my university campus. Discipleship was very much encouraged in this group - an individual could meet up with one of the older Christians and talk about 'whatever', do bible studies, etc. I never did it myself, but I know others who got a lot out of it. Do you think anything like this is present in the group you are talking about? If it isn't, is there a leader/minister/pastor who you could ask about it, perhaps? This might give you more scope for talking about the things you'd like to work out.

Meg

 

[sister-ray]

Hi Charlotte,

Have you ever tryed the Unitarian church? they welcome all religions, are very open to discussion, non-judgemental and have alot of respect for others views, they do have some core-beliefs but seem very layed back on these to. Hope this is helpful :hug:

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Hi CharlotteRain

I wanted to add a note to David's Buddhism suggestion. I would advise reading the same thing, only because a lot can be learned from the teachings and it's the only religion that I found that I can slot 'in' with my current religion. Errr... I'm not sure that that makes sense, but the teachings of the Dalai Lama have helped me a huge amount, because they all seem to make such simplistic sense, I wondered why the thoughts had never occurred to me to begin with.

 

[ThatLady]

If Judaism interests you, you might try to do some reading on the subject. I imagine people will be much more receptive to your questions if they find you've really been studying the subject. I've had some very interesting discussions with Jewish people on their beliefs and customs.

 

[stargazer]

I wish I'd seen your thread earlier, Charlotte. My personal belief is that Christianity and Buddhism are not incompatible, because they address two completely different facets of our spirituality. With your religiously inclined mind, and your earnest yearning for the truth, I am sure you will alight upon a spiritual place that reflects and promotes your true, best self. Blessings to you.