i need help

[cab]

i have bulemia and i need help. it started off about 7 months ago as something really little...like i only did it with a small amount of food because i had just discovered that i could. after a few weeks it started getting more frequent, i started eating with the intention of throwing it up. i didnt think i had a problem though. it seemed under control...like i could stop at anytime. then it started getting worse. i was throwing up meals because i felt like i had to. i was (and still am) eating huge amounts of food and throwing it up. it now feels out of my control. like i cant stop. and i really really want to. i dont want to be like this forever. my mum found out about it and she spoke to me but i just lied and said i didnt do it often...not because i didnt want help but because i didnt want HER to think i had a problem. after a few more weeks i told her i needed help but she hasnt done anything about it...i dont know whether she thinks that i am cured or something just because she doesnt see me doing it but i am not cured and i have a problem. i dont understand why i do this, but i dont think there is some underlying phsycological disorder - i have body image problems but i am not interested in self harm.
i dont know what to do but i know i need help.

 

[jubjub]

Welcome, Cab!

I read you post with interest. It is encouraging to read that you recognize you have a problem and you are ready to deal with it.

I Googled around a bit to try and find a website that you might at least get some information from until Dr. Baxter sees your post (which should be soon). He'll know exactly where to direct you and he will give you excellent advice!

I wouldn't be too hard on your mom. She probably doesn't know what to do to help you and she is probably as scared and upset about this as you are. I'm glad you made the attempt to reach out to her about this.

As I said, the doctor should be along shortly. Just hold on a bit and he will be along with some constructive advice and information for you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

There are several websites with information on eating disorders -- have a look at http://blossom.psychlinks.ca as well as http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/eating.htm.

But more importantly, I think you may need to let your mom no that you have been minimizing how frequently you are purging and that the problem is indeed more serious than you led her to believe. I wonder if your mom knows how to find help for you -- if not, you may get some information from one of those links above, or send me an email or private message letting me know what part of the world you live in and perhaps I can locate someone for you.

 

[Sonz]

Hey Cab, If you read my posts under “where to begin getting help” you’ll see that after 6 years of this I now have heart problems. It really scared my straight. Just yesterday I broke down and told my boy friend and doctor. It really sucked and I was crying all day long. The Dr. insisted I speak to a psychologist right away. I told her I was scared that I brought this on myself, that I could die just to lose weight. She said that most bulimics only lose about 5 pounds and I realized she was right it never made me really skinny. I know unless its happening to you it doesn’t sound that bad, but since you just started go look at all the health risks, I remember hearing them and thinking I was immune but several years later many came true. I have spent thousands on dental work and doctors for my heart. If you really want to stop tell your mom and let her know, or hopefully shell try to figure it out on her own, what the signs are and watch for them. Now that people know I know they’ll be watching me all time. And even thought I am already thinking about how Ill never be able to lose weight, even the right way, without someone suspecting something, at least I know my health problems wont get worse.
I remember times when I would do it all day long, I would think about what to eat all day at school and just eat all day long, but I also remember how gross it was. My hands smelled so gross, it looked gross, my throat hurt, my eyes watered, there were times that I missed the toilet it got all over my shoes, pants and the floor. It was so disgusting.
Now that I told I am seeing a nutritionist which I'm excited about so I can eat the right things so I don’t feel guilty. If you cant go to the nutritionist do some research yourself on what is good and tasty to eat. Its been about 2 months since I totally stopped and even though I try to eat healthy I still eat junk food with my friends and you know what, I look the same only I fell better because I don’t have to worry about finding a bathroom and I go out and have fun.