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    Donna Satchell, posted by littlerabbit

Hunter

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So I've been angry with having the diagnosis of PTSD. Was diagnosed with it in 2008. I hate the stigma of being sick. I hate the letters PTSD. I just wanted to know what it would feel like not taking meds for it. This happened four days ago and the withdrawal symptoms are horrible. I can't get a hold of my Dr. To write my prescriptions. My husbands drug plan won't let allow them to be run through again until Feb. 17 by them my symptoms will be in full force. I texted my therapist and he told me to go to the hospital, and that he would call the psychiatrist on duty, says he has a good rapport with all of them. I so want to be normal but I guess that just won't happen, and I think I just need to accept the diagnosis. I don't think that I have ever accepted the diagnosis. Anyone else ever feel this way. I just feel that I have the letters PTSD on my forehead and that everyone can see it. I hate having mental illness or issues with my mental health. It's no wonder with all the things going on in my life that my therapist feels he needs helping me.
 

David Baxter

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That was a very big mistake, @Hunter!

You need to get back on your medications ASAP, if only because you are going to start experiencing some potentially bad discontinuation (withdrawal) effects soon that will just make everything else in your life even worse.

You really have to stop doing these things so impulsively. Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

Do as your doctor said and get yourself to the hospital ASAP so they can restart your medications.
 

Daniel

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Since the ER and hospital is "free" in Canada, that would be your best option since they can do more than a pharmacist can.

Since your prescription plan will pay for prescriptions starting on the 17th, your out-of-pocket medication costs should be minimal until then. You can buy pills individually, and all of your psych meds are available as generic.

Other than the ER/hospital, another option may be asking your pharmacist to authorize you enough of a supply for a few days until you see your doctor again. When I worked in a group home, we rarely had problems with a pharmacist giving us a few more days of pills. Otherwise, we had to go to the ER the same day.
 
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Hunter

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That was a very big mistake, @Hunter!

You need to get back on your medications ASAP, if only because you are going to start experiencing some potentially bad discontinuation (withdrawal) effects soon that will just make everything else in your life even worse.

You really have to stop doing these things so impulsively. Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy.

Do as your doctor said and get yourself to the hospital ASAP so they can restart your medications.
 

Hunter

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Yes David it was a big mistake and yes I can be my own worst enemy. But do you have any idea of what its like to be traumatized your whole life like I was. My own mother didn't want me and the abuse I suffered my whole life has been horrible. I want so much to be normal. To not have major depression, to not have complex trauma, to not have PTSD, to not have panic and anxiety disorders. To not think and feel like I don't matter. Each diagnosis has horrible effects on me, the meds make me feel sick all the time. Each one has its own lovely side effects on me. I go to weekly therapy sessions with my traumas therapist and I feel angry and pissed off that I had so much happen to me. And my therapist says he hurts because of all the hurt I've been thru, that he feels sorry for me that I had to go thru everything. And I think the last thing I want is someone feeling sorry for me. Because I feel like such a failure a loser I feel worthless. I feel lost, I feel empty. And I feel like this everyday. The only time that I don't feel like this is my one hour weekly therapy with my therapist. And I know that I rely and count on him too much and I apologized to him for being like that, and he smiles at me and says he can handle it, that there is nothing that I will say that he can't handle it. He told me that if I ever admit to him that I ever take narcotic pain meds and booze that he will sever ties with me.

I think maybe one day I will feel better feel healthy to not have these illnesses but that's just a joke. Who am I kidding. I will never be normal or have a normal life ever again. And the truth is that I really want this. But who am I kidding. I've been diagnosed with all the above conditions and put on meds since 2008. So why do I think that one day I won't need them.

And yes I'm going thru horrible withdrawal right know. I am really irritable and I want to pick fights with anyone with everyone. I am very nauseous and sick I can't stop shaking. And I am so darn itchy. I want to go to the hospital but I'm scared they will admit me to the mental health unit, then that will make me feel even worse. I'm going to give it until tomorrow and text my therapist in the morning.

Thanks for your time and comments they mean a lot to me.
 

Daniel

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Psychiatrists are not trying to hospitalize people willy-nilly. And even if they wanted to, there are a limited number of beds available.

The itch should go away when you go back on Seroquel, mirtazapine, etc. since they affect histamine. That's also why they also help with sleep.

Irritability is one of the reasons I am on meds in the first place, but I know it is a withdrawal symptom as well.
 
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David Baxter

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I agree completely with @Daniel.

Right now, mental health beds are even more scarce than regular hospital beds, especially with the COVID crisis. Going to the hospital will allow them to get you back on your meds and monitor that process until they have stabilized you.

Believe me, as soon as you are stabilized, they will discharge you. They are trying to keep as many people out of hospitals these days as possible so they don't fill up all the available beds.

I doubt that they would keep you more than 2 or 3 days at the most, maybe even as little as just 1 day and 1 night.

And your psychiatrist has already told you he knows the psychiatrists there and can consult with them to assist in that process.
 
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I hear you dam labels i get that but you have suffered enough in your life don't suffer like this ok. Hunter you deserve to be taken care of with compassion please have compassion for yourself
Go into hospital they will get you back on the meds you need to stabilize, withdrawal is painful so go get the help you deserve.
What is normal anyways really i believe no one is normal everyone has a label they carry inside even if the world does not see it. HOPE to hear you have gone in to emergency and the professionals help you take care ok.
 

Hunter

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So at 2 am I finally went to the ER. I was literally trying to pull out my hair. Plus I was starting to pick at my skin, and the agitation was unbearable. At first a psychiatrist talked to me for less than 20 minutes until he told me that I would never be normal that I would have PTSD for the rest of my life and to just deal with it. I told him that he could leave that I would not see him.

One hour later another another nicer psychiatrist came and we talked for several hours. He had called my therapist who came to the hospital and consulted with him. I just was honest that I didn't want the label, the stigma. That I hated taking medications because they make me feel like a sick person. He asked how am I with the meds. And I said stable, just have horrible flashbacks and nightmares. He is going to put me on more meds to try shut my brain off in the area of my brain that causes the nightmares and he's going to add more meds to help with flashbacks. So I was ok with taking more meds if they are going to help me. He was such a nice, compassionate, caring psychiatrist. When I'm released he wants me to come see him every week until my new meds kick in. Then I will see him once every month.

So I'm still in the ER, I have IVs in both my arms to get the withdrawal under control. I have a nice relaxing chair with a television in it. I've been in the ER for 12 hours and I'm starting to feel better. I was given several new meds to help with the agitation, shakiness, and itchiness. I hope to be out in a few hours, because I want to celebrate with my husband our 23 year anniversary and Valentine's Day. I ordered a treadmill and it will be delivered Monday. I am going to work on me. And exercise will help with my mental health.
Honestly, I am never going to do this ever again. I am to accept that I have major depression, complex trauma, PTSD, anxiety and panic disorders. I am going to keep on the meds that I am on. I have the best therapist who came to the hospital to consult with the psychiatrist and my therapist gave me a hug when I was so emotional. The psychiatrist put me on meds to help with my chronic fatigue and lack of motivation and energy. I am blessed to have people help and who care about me. And I am thankful for people on this site and for David Baxter who offer their expertise. Thank you.
 
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