David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
She can't help you unless she knows what's going on, RIMH. That would be like going to your doctor and not telling him about some crucial symptoms.
- Thread starter Cavi
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David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
That's not the only way out, RIMH. Discuss this with your other therapist - you need help in extricating yourself from a destructive relationship.
Hi Dr. B...My other T has done everything she knows to help me but see my reg. T got to the child inside of me and every time I try to leave that child panick's...and I end up screaming for my reg T and she is the only thing that can calm me down...Believe me I am not happy with my behavior RIMH
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Well, it's obviously hurting you if you don't terminate with her. This isn't and should never have been about her - who's the patient here?
Sparrow
Member
Hurt her ??? ... ??? Like what!? Her feelings? :crazy:
Exactly who the heck is the patient and who the heck is the doctor here!!!
GOOD GRIEF...
I definitely agree with David.
:budgie:
white page
Member
See this is the thing it is no longer client/therapist we are friends...she has admitted that several times...she knows that its a big no no but its the way the relationship has worked out...The problem is with me and the fact that she has gotten to the child inside of me and every time I try to terminate that child starts screaming for her...My temp. T has tried to help me with this and I am stuck especially since the child is involved...The adult me knows this is wrong but the child me does not...RIMH
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Perhaps it's time to allow the adult to take charge of the child...
You are probably right but I do want to say this...I don't like how attached I am to her...I don't like how this whole thing has affected my life...Believe me I wish I could flip a switch and just walk away and be ok with it...But its not that simple...I have backed off on emailing her...I am pulling away slowly but she has been good to me and the last thing I want to do is hurt her...That is what makes it hard, she is a really good person and she has gone above and beyond to help me....the attachment goes both ways...I see her as a person and not as a therapist....if it wasn't for the reaction I have when I think about losing her and the attachment being so strong I would stay with her...But this is whats bothering me the fact that I am so attached to her...If I can get myself in check then I see no problem...This is my fault and not hers.........RIMH
white page
Member
May I just say that being ambivelent towards a person is far more hurtful towards both persons involved than a clear situation. If you want to stay attached then go for it wholeheartedly , if you have doubts then be very clear in your intentions and do not continue , this will be much easier for you and your friend.
Things can be simplified , I know relationships are never black and white , this is a 50/50 situation . She gave her friendship willingly ,and there is no owing in relationships , if someone loves you , you are not obliged to love them back , nor do you owe them anything because they love you. Love should be totally unconditional. I agree with Dr Baxter let the adult take charge of the child . Do what is best for you.
Things can be simplified , I know relationships are never black and white , this is a 50/50 situation . She gave her friendship willingly ,and there is no owing in relationships , if someone loves you , you are not obliged to love them back , nor do you owe them anything because they love you. Love should be totally unconditional. I agree with Dr Baxter let the adult take charge of the child . Do what is best for you.
white page
Member
you are most welcome 
Dr Baxter I have a question...A month ago I tried to terminate therapy and my reg T was going to let me go but after she found out that it wasn't what I really wanted she tolod me she did not want me to terminate...The way she worded her email when accepting the termination she made it sound as if I would never see her again...If her and I was friends and she was in my life not because I was paying her would she of written her email that way?...
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I don't think she is or ever was a friend. At one time, she was a therapist until she crossed those boundaries. Now you are both caught up in a mutually dependent destructive and fundamentally unhealthy relationship which should never have been allowed to get as far as it has. And it is very unlikely to ever get any better for either of you until you both do what you know you should do and walk away from one another.
Sparrow
Member
RIMH, I :agree: with David,
What he says is firm yet true, at least to me.
Beyond that, perhaps I can still sort of understand though.
You struck me as a little scared (child part) to leave the T like a mainstay or the rock of a safe haven?
Remember, there are other professionals out there (good and bad), but don't marginalize yourself in a situation, especially if you know it yourself to be a little sour... like milk. (not healthy)
I know it may be difficult, but try? Support to you...
:budgie:
What he says is firm yet true, at least to me.
Beyond that, perhaps I can still sort of understand though.
You struck me as a little scared (child part) to leave the T like a mainstay or the rock of a safe haven?
Remember, there are other professionals out there (good and bad), but don't marginalize yourself in a situation, especially if you know it yourself to be a little sour... like milk. (not healthy)
I know it may be difficult, but try? Support to you...
:budgie:
amastie
Member
RIMH,
she has betrayed her professional ethics *and* you. Your dependence upon her at this stage is tantamount to manipulation by her. Even if you trust her sincerity, she has revealed herself to be unworthy of being a therapist.
Even if you feel love for her, the relationship, as David has said, can never be equal and true equality is the hallmark of any real friendship.
Run, don't walk, to any other therapist and tell them - for your sake and also for the sake of anyone else who falls into this interdependent trap (Heaven forbid!)
I can understand you wanting her love and friendship but it isn't real. It can't be. And if she believes it to be, she has more problems than only the breach of her ethics. If that is the case, *she* needs a therapist.
Sending out thoughts to help strengthen you at what must be for you a very difficult time..
she has betrayed her professional ethics *and* you. Your dependence upon her at this stage is tantamount to manipulation by her. Even if you trust her sincerity, she has revealed herself to be unworthy of being a therapist.
Even if you feel love for her, the relationship, as David has said, can never be equal and true equality is the hallmark of any real friendship.
Run, don't walk, to any other therapist and tell them - for your sake and also for the sake of anyone else who falls into this interdependent trap (Heaven forbid!)
I can understand you wanting her love and friendship but it isn't real. It can't be. And if she believes it to be, she has more problems than only the breach of her ethics. If that is the case, *she* needs a therapist.
Sending out thoughts to help strengthen you at what must be for you a very difficult time..
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