In Too Deep

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I don't think she is or ever was a friend. At one time, she was a therapist until she crossed those boundaries. Now you are both caught up in a mutually dependent destructive and fundamentally unhealthy relationship which should never have been allowed to get as far as it has. And it is very unlikely to ever get any better for either of you until you both do what you know you should do and walk away from one another.

:agree:

 

[Cavi]

Hey Gang...I just wanted to say thanks for the honesty...I know the relationship between her and I is over and I have a session today...I'm not sure if I can terminate without having a complete breakdown...So right now I'm just going to take one day at a time...I will say this...I will never ever allow someone into my life again...I did terminate with my temp T I am through with therapy I want no part of it ever again...I am hurting right now beyond belief...

 

[Jazzey]

Just wanted to offer you my support RIMH. :support: Maybe when you've taken a bit of time to yourself, you'll re-evaluate working with therapy? I think that this support might help you work through some of the emotions that you are currently going through and those that you may experience a little further down this journey.

Again, much support to you :support:

 

[Cavi]

OK.......I did it.......I couldn't say terminate but I told her I wanted to take a break.....But I know its over.........now tell me how am I suppose to get up tomorrow morning??>.........

 

[Jazzey]

You're doing the right thing RIMH..I know it's hard right now, but long term, and for your own safety, you are doing the right thing.

So how do you keep going? - by appreciating yourself, recognizing that you had the strength to do what was right and by taking it minute by minute, hour by hour...baby steps RIMH.

That's how we all do it. And, of course, you can lean on all of us here at psychlinks.

Take some time today to appreciate how much strength you've shown and how much you've care for yourself today by doing what you did. Keep acknowledging your courage.

 

[Sparrow]

RINH:

now tell me how am I suppose to get up tomorrow morning??>.........

With guts, intestinal fortitude...hope and faith! You need not panic a P A or C either. It can still be a son of a gun, but I'm rootin' for you.
BTW RIMH, any therapy you choose to discard "forever" will always be there in one form or another. Kind of like options... maybe keep yours open?
(except the toxic one!)

:2cents::2cents:

:budgie:

 

[amastie]

OK.......I did it.......I couldn't say terminate but I told her I wanted to take a break.....But I know its over.........now tell me how am I suppose to get up tomorrow morning??>.........

:support:
One tiny, courageous step at a time..
In the morning. lift your foot out of bed, remind yourself that you have survived one of the hardest things possible. You survived and will survive one day at a time :hug:
Coime here! Hug your loved ones. Do you have any animals, or know of any? They can be very therapeutic just to be with. Hold a baby and think of how those people around that baby will work hard to ensure that he/she will not fall into the pit that you experienced. And, finally - gradually - accept that as devastating as your experience was, it does not define you. In truth, your experience, while it may not be completely isolated is so rare (I expect) that you are very, very unlikely to ever be in the same position again. Thank God for that!
:hug: :flowers: :support:

 

[Charity]

now tell me how am I suppose to get up tomorrow morning??>.........

If it comes down to it... Start by opening one eye, and letting it get used to the light. After a few minutes, start easing the other one open. Take your time with it until it's comfortable. After that's accomplished, start swinging your legs around slowly, until your feet are starting to head in the general direction of the floor. Test it out with your toes first, then gradually the soles of your feet. And continue from there...

Sometimes it sucks, but I guarantee that this process (though time-consuming) will get you just as properly upright as any other method, in the end.

I hope I don't sound sarcastic-- I don't mean to. I just want you to know that I recognize how hard things are for you right now, and also that I recognize your continuing ability to carry on. I'm not saying you'll feel great, or have lots of fun, or even have an easy time doing it-- I'm just saying that you can. The rest can come when it comes.

Take care of yourself. :friends:

 

[Cavi]

God help me, I'm in love with her.............

 

[amastie]

God help me, I'm in love with her.............

I hurt when I know how much pain you are in :hug: :hug:
Please seek the help of another counsellor/therapist and be honest about what is happening for you, including how you feel about the other because a truly *good* therapist will totally understand why you feel as you do.

For you to feel as you do has required your therapist to have allowed you to feel that and not questioned it, not *helped* you to see what is real, what is moral and not moral on her part.

As much as you love her, her role in your life has been manipulative. I hope that you recognize that :hug: :support:

and *please* see another, more competent therapist with much more integrity.

If you can't bring yourself to see another therapist straight way, can you perhaps turn to your doctor or even a member of a church. I don't know if you have any religious affiliation, but I have many years ago talked to a church minister even though I wasn't affililiated with that church and he was very nice to me.

You desparately need support. Of course, come here :hug: but also look to it in your offline world.

My heart breaks for you.

 

[Cavi]

This is driving me absolutely crazy...I asked her one night if she was in my life just because I paid her to be and she said no that it wouldn't be any different than paying a lawyer etc for their services but they could be friends...When I was going to terminate awhile back the email she wrote made it sound like I would never see her again...so if that was the case that means she was in my life because I paid her to be and that she lied to me...
She is away till Sunday and I want to talk to her and ask her about it...
I am having a really hard time staying away...Her sister and I talked on Wed.
because we are friends...It makes it really hard to talk to Nanc but I do not want to lose her friendship...I have one other person in my life other than my reg T and her sister and that is my roommate...I don't allow anyone in my life I do not want that connection...As far as going back to my temp T I won't do it because if its true that my reg. T lied to me I am done with trusting people...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I have one other person in my life other than my reg T and her sister and that is my roommate...I don't allow anyone in my life I do not want that connection...

It seems to me that this is a big part of the problem: You isolate yourself from everyone except therapists and then you end up creating emotional connections with therapists that are unhealthy and that impede your progress in therapy.

 

[Cavi]

HEY Dr B...You want to blame me go right ahead because I already blame myself...........I am outta here..............RIMH

 

[Sparrow]

Hey RIMH,

For what it's worth, David can be knowledgeable. No need to discard him or this forum.

What about taking a step back? Maybe a day or two? Heck, even sleeping overnight on some things has given me a better outlook the next morning.

I'm sending you some real hugs of support RIMH. Smilies are not required.

You take very good care R. and come on back.

And thats...

According to the Gospel of... :budgie:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

HEY Dr B...You want to blame me go right ahead because I already blame myself...........I am outta here..............RIMH

Please re-read what I said. I wasn't blaming you. I was trying to point out a destructive pattern in your interpersonal relationships. If you can successfully address this, you might not wind up in the same position again (if memory serves, this is not the first time you've been there, correct?).

 

[amastie]

Dear RIMH,

my heart goes to you, so difficult must it be :support:
When I read what David said, I didn't see it as blaming. We all read things differently. I wonder if, in your feeling, that you are feeling such self-blame that you are sensitive to feeling that others are too?
I worry that without somewhere for you to talk about your feelings and what you need - whether it be here or somewhere else - that you will be without the support you need, and also some to help you to see past your difficulty.
I hope that, no matter that you can find that :heart:

 

[Cavi]

Hey it doesn't matter anyway...After talking to her sister and coming to some realizations of my own (it is my past hurting me not my relationship with D)
I have decided to go back to therapy and remain friends with her...

 

[Jazzey]

RIMH, it seems that you always end up in with the same decision. It also happens to be the easier path for you...and as everyone has suggested here, the most destructive for you.

Take care RIMH. I hope you'll give some thought to this thread and the consistent suggestions that have been made to you.

 

[amastie]

I wish you well RIMH.
Above all, I wish for you the right person/place to help you feel strong :heart: