Interested in your opinions

[moomoo]

I think my husband is a 'victim'

he has an ex wife and 2 kids from that marriage.

Over the last 3-4 years her boyfriend has been seriously abusing my husband at every changeover - swearing, yelling pretending to 'shoot' him (with his fingers) , making the slicing throat action while mouthing death threats.

All very upsetting and all in front of the children.

But my husband would never just stay inside the house and send the kids out...

Now we've lost custody - yes - to the mother and her crazy BF.

And now they ring up to abuse him on the phone - I am getting really mad because he accepts their calls.

What usually happens (but not always) is the kids will hand the phone to the mother after chatting to their dad and then they get to listen while my husband 'cops it'

Can anyone please give me their opinions on this behaviour of my husband?

I just don't get it.

Please help.

 

[NicNak]

Over the last 3-4 years her boyfriend has been seriously abusing my husband at every changeover - swearing, yelling pretending to 'shoot' him (with his fingers) , making the slicing throat action while mouthing death threats.

All very upsetting and all in front of the children.

I am not sure which behaviour of your husband that is concerning you.

Personally I would be more concerned about the threats that your husbands ex-wife's current boyfriend are doing/saying to your husband.

Honestly I would encourage your husband to file a complaint with the local police.

And now they ring up to abuse him on the phone - I am getting really mad because he accepts their calls.

What usually happens (but not always) is the kids will hand the phone to the mother after chatting to their dad and then they get to listen while my husband 'cops it'

I do not understand what you mean by your husband "cops it". Is this the behaviour you are concerned with?

 

[moomoo]

Thanks nicnak - we've been to the police - they don't care.

My primary concern is the fact that he puts himself in harms way.

In my view the abuse could be avoided so easily - stay inside/ refuse to talk on the phone.

Easy, right?

But he won't do that.

He NEVER fights back either, just puts up with it all.

 

[weeze]

Thanks nicnak - we've been to the police - they don't care.

My primary concern is the fact that he puts himself in harms way.

In my view the abuse could be avoided so easily - stay inside/ refuse to talk on the phone.

Easy, right?

But he won't do that.

He NEVER fights back either, just puts up with it all.

Has your husband always responded this way in threatening situations? Why did you lose custody of the children? You do have visitation?

I'd try the police again and if they don't respond, go to the city manager or mayor or your councilman and explain what is going on. You must be very honest with them and tell about the entire situation.

If you don't get help that way, suggest to your husband that seeing a therapist would be a good idea.

If your husband has always been a "victim" there has to be a payoff somewhere for him. I am talking about an emotional payoff.

If you can get him to go to a therapist, I bet you get to the bottom of your husband's behavior. Good luck. Pat