kept the apt this a.m. with me g.p, I was really anxious, nervous.. by the time i got there.. even left and went outside while waiting... was falling asleep, and kinda jumpy as well at times.. (all kinds of things were going on with me)
anyway.. She was really nice this time and actually gave me more info than the idiot i saw a while back.. I didn't even ask her for it.
she asked me how i came off the meds.. had to describe in detail..(as best i could anyway) she was worried that i might have stopped suddenly.. said i did a great job the way i did it.. but obviously would have prefferred if other docs had okayed it first. She did also tell me that quite a lot of ppl come off their meds by themselves and that the psychs are used to ppl telling them this, that maybe this is why yer man didn't say anything.
anyway after explaining a few things and verifying some details with me.. ref.. moods.. highs lows etc.. she reckons that I may have to go back on the lithuim at some stage.. but will wait and see for a while. I just looked at her and said no way.. but she said I'm more than probably bipolar and wanted to know if the psychs had mentioned this to me.. I turned this question around on her.. they hadn't mentioned it to her either.. all they have said in a letter to her is that i was admitted to hospital, had depresson. anxiety etc.. and what meds i was currently on, (at that time).
I asked her about going somewhere else to be seen by psych.. can't be done.. cause i live (here) in HIS area.. and he is the consultant, i am under his care whether i like it or not. also strongly recommended i keep the apt in 5/6wks time.. to make sure they keep track of any changes in me mental health.. and if i don't keep it they will more than likely take me off the list for the psychologist. she also threw in that i have been unwell for the past 3yrs or more... i said 3yrs??? i was shocked.. it seems from they way she explained it.. various reports from hospital docs.. gynae, medical consultant.. ect..indicated this.
we spoke about being perimenopausal.. (explained my experiences this past while) any blood tests to show hormonal changes are hit and miss at the best of times. my age and experiences and her belief that we know our own bodies better than any doc.. lead us both to agree that i am more than likely starting to go thru it!!! tho she didmention that some medications can cause menopausal symptoms. (like hot flushes) but that because i'm still on some effexor for 2 more wks ( shorter if i can help it, like a week!) .. it is still a case of wait and see to be sure.. but tis more than likely..
So now she has suggested i try and keep a diary of symptoms.. for both reasons.. depression. moods thoughts etc.. and symptoms of menopause.
and i have to go to the flipping hospital on Monday for a rake of blood tests.. including thyroid, liver, can't remember what else is on the list.. but tis long. Oh and lithuim levels.. she can't believe i haven't had these done already.
that's bout it.. enuff anyway.. sorry tis all over the joint.. had to go with whatever way it came to me.
after i left there i sat in me car trying to digest all the above.. okay the menopause thing i can take.. what choice i have.. bipolar.. i don't care what name it has.. but the thoughts of having to go back on lithuim again is doing my head in.. she even said if i have to go back on it.. it would be for life!! this is doing my head in... i'm feeling really pissed off and even more depressed. Right now i don't think that if it does come to going back on lithuim or anything like it... i'm not gonna be able to handle it at all..
anyway.. She was really nice this time and actually gave me more info than the idiot i saw a while back.. I didn't even ask her for it.
she asked me how i came off the meds.. had to describe in detail..(as best i could anyway) she was worried that i might have stopped suddenly.. said i did a great job the way i did it.. but obviously would have prefferred if other docs had okayed it first. She did also tell me that quite a lot of ppl come off their meds by themselves and that the psychs are used to ppl telling them this, that maybe this is why yer man didn't say anything.
anyway after explaining a few things and verifying some details with me.. ref.. moods.. highs lows etc.. she reckons that I may have to go back on the lithuim at some stage.. but will wait and see for a while. I just looked at her and said no way.. but she said I'm more than probably bipolar and wanted to know if the psychs had mentioned this to me.. I turned this question around on her.. they hadn't mentioned it to her either.. all they have said in a letter to her is that i was admitted to hospital, had depresson. anxiety etc.. and what meds i was currently on, (at that time).
I asked her about going somewhere else to be seen by psych.. can't be done.. cause i live (here) in HIS area.. and he is the consultant, i am under his care whether i like it or not. also strongly recommended i keep the apt in 5/6wks time.. to make sure they keep track of any changes in me mental health.. and if i don't keep it they will more than likely take me off the list for the psychologist. she also threw in that i have been unwell for the past 3yrs or more... i said 3yrs??? i was shocked.. it seems from they way she explained it.. various reports from hospital docs.. gynae, medical consultant.. ect..indicated this.
we spoke about being perimenopausal.. (explained my experiences this past while) any blood tests to show hormonal changes are hit and miss at the best of times. my age and experiences and her belief that we know our own bodies better than any doc.. lead us both to agree that i am more than likely starting to go thru it!!! tho she didmention that some medications can cause menopausal symptoms. (like hot flushes) but that because i'm still on some effexor for 2 more wks ( shorter if i can help it, like a week!) .. it is still a case of wait and see to be sure.. but tis more than likely..
So now she has suggested i try and keep a diary of symptoms.. for both reasons.. depression. moods thoughts etc.. and symptoms of menopause.
and i have to go to the flipping hospital on Monday for a rake of blood tests.. including thyroid, liver, can't remember what else is on the list.. but tis long. Oh and lithuim levels.. she can't believe i haven't had these done already.
that's bout it.. enuff anyway.. sorry tis all over the joint.. had to go with whatever way it came to me.
after i left there i sat in me car trying to digest all the above.. okay the menopause thing i can take.. what choice i have.. bipolar.. i don't care what name it has.. but the thoughts of having to go back on lithuim again is doing my head in.. she even said if i have to go back on it.. it would be for life!! this is doing my head in... i'm feeling really pissed off and even more depressed. Right now i don't think that if it does come to going back on lithuim or anything like it... i'm not gonna be able to handle it at all..
Anyway, I am really glad that you kept your appt with your gp because it really sounds like you have a good informative session with her where you were able to be honest and open with her and you were able to really listen to what she had to say. I know that you said that you can handle the bloodwork, the menopause, the bipolar and even having to see the guy because he is only one in your area if you want to stay on the waiting list but the real blow I think sounds like possibly having to go back on the lithium, right? Thats what it sounds like to me. I know that it is hard and trust me I have been there. I struggled with no meds for years thinking that I could manage and that I didn't need anything and well it finally caught up with me. I finally realized that if I wanted to have any quality of life for myself that it needed to include medication and really I didn't know for how long and I still don't. I don't think that at this time in your life anyone can tell you for how long. She may guess that it will be for life but who knows what is going to happen down the road. I only think of today and know that if I want to be stable and out of the hospital and functioning that I need to take my meds and live...same as anyone else who has a medical condition. No difference.
