More threads by harrison123

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 14 months now, and she cuts herself. I don't think she does it all the time (thats what she tells me, and i beleive her) so it's not a huge problem, but it's ready to turn into a big problem. I want to help fix it before it get out of hand.

I found out one day when she, her friend and I went camping and something was wrong. We were ever so happy with each other but it turns out that she was lieing about her past in a few aspects. One being self injury. Before we met, she used to do it all the time she told me. Then she stopped for a good year or so, and did it again. She told me this when we were camping and ignorant me didnt know anything about self injury. So I tried to be sensiable and tried to relate and comfort her, and I thought it worked. But thats where my ignorance kicked in. I just recently (1 month ago) found out she did it again, and then even more recently ( 1 week ago) found out again. The night i found out, I couldnt figure out what was wrong with us ( I probably didn't help much by be angry but I couldn't find the conflict let alone solve it) So at the end of the night she told me and i was speechless once again. She pleaded for me to get her help and to help her, even if after that night she opposed or actually got mad, she wanted me to force her to get help. This is when I finally relized that this is out of my hands and the only thing I could/can do is to get her help and try not to push her away by telling he what to do. I know thta won't work. She has told me various things that where not good, Like she was smoking behind my back, hiding certian aspects of her life from me, but I never freaked out at her, I stayed calm when she told me. So thats what I did when she told me she was doing it again.

I would like to know what kind of help I can get her/suits her needs, and what kind of help/support I can be, and how I can communicate with her about htis safely.


Thanks In Advanced!
 
My girlfriend Cuts herself. (SI)

I think you should encourage her to see a counselor who could help her deal with all of this.
 

Eunoia

Member
My girlfriend Cuts herself. (SI)

it sounds like your g/f has some issues to deal with. and from what you've said it's clear that she trusts you enough to have opened up, what you can do is keep those communication lines open. Not only tell here that you'll be there for her but show her by actually doing so (ie. listening when she needs to talk, offering to help her w/ things etc. You can familiarize yourself w/ si and maybe some other things she's told you, so that you have a better idea about what she's going through and how you might help ie. in terms of reacting to these things. there's some articles posted about this on the si forum here, you can also google for things or pick up some books in the library. She'll appreciate you wanting to understand but you don't have to tell her you're doing this. Just continue to be there for her and as much as you don't want to push her away by saying the wrong thing or acting the wrong way, don't keep that fear from just being natural around her. After all, you have been going out for 14 mths and there is more to this relationship than just her problems.

She does need to go talk to someone though. Can you get her to a counselor at her school? Or you could try looking up a few therapists in private practice in your area, check out resources at the hospital, ask your/her gp for referrals, ideas etc. The thing is, as much as si is a problem in itself, it's a clue that there's other problems to be dealt w/ and she'll need professional help to get her to work through these things.
 

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