- Thread starter gooblax
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gooblax
MVP
Hadn't heard of the movie, but sounds interesting.
I will probably watch it again soon. Had Dustin Hoffman, Lily Tomlin, and Mark Wahlberg.
gooblax
MVP
The session ended up OK. Spent longer on holiday stuff than I would have liked, as expected, but I brought it around to my topics of what we're doing this year and best thing from the holidays, and managed to touch on some of the thoughts behind quitting without specifically mentioning the quitting thoughts. Also brought up 2008 as a future topic.
I still am no closer to understanding why it matters so much to me whether he cares, why I end up crying snot into my hand when I think about it, like a legit crazy person. I dunno why I'm such a mess about this particular stupid thing.
I still am no closer to understanding why it matters so much to me whether he cares, why I end up crying snot into my hand when I think about it, like a legit crazy person. I dunno why I'm such a mess about this particular stupid thing.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Look at the positives:
No single session is going to resolve or fully elucidate all the issues or questions anyone in therapy may have. It is a process, an accumulation of insights and skills acquisition that generally occurs over a period of time, and often a rather extended period of time.
- you went to the appointment despite the weather and your anxieties or ambivalence
- you accomplished some of your goals, even if only for future appointments
- you have committed to going to another appointment(s)
No single session is going to resolve or fully elucidate all the issues or questions anyone in therapy may have. It is a process, an accumulation of insights and skills acquisition that generally occurs over a period of time, and often a rather extended period of time.
gooblax
MVP
Yeah I guess you're right. I didn't think of the fact that raising my topics was actually a positive, but it is something that I still struggle with so any attempt is a step in the right direction.
And another positive - he finally (FINALLY) understands that it's important for me to avoid emails with him, and remembered to set the appointment for next session.
And another positive - he finally (FINALLY) understands that it's important for me to avoid emails with him, and remembered to set the appointment for next session.
I always like the evolutionary psychology perspective. In the cave dweller days, if you were cast from the group, you were going to die early almost for sure -- game over. (The show Survivor takes advantage of that kind of dilemma.)
And nowadays we have our own small tribes of family members, friends, pets, acquaintances, and social workers
gooblax
MVP
I guess so, but it doesn't seem to be something that my psych is accustomed to his clients having problems with.
At some point I'm going to have to tell him the true extent of the problem (verbally so that he actually pays attention rather than reading it, and explicitly rather than tangentially) ie. how often I think about him, the pictures of him, the positive feelings about him versus the perceived ambivalent feelings about me (even if that's standard for some therapists) versus the repulsiveness of my positive feelings in light of everything and the three-way tug of war that results on a daily basis.
And I guess then I'll find out if he's still willing to work with this level of mess.
At some point I'm going to have to tell him the true extent of the problem (verbally so that he actually pays attention rather than reading it, and explicitly rather than tangentially) ie. how often I think about him, the pictures of him, the positive feelings about him versus the perceived ambivalent feelings about me (even if that's standard for some therapists) versus the repulsiveness of my positive feelings in light of everything and the three-way tug of war that results on a daily basis.
And I guess then I'll find out if he's still willing to work with this level of mess.
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gooblax
MVP
I can't see how this is ever going to get any better. Quit or don't quit I'll still be a sad loser.
You are not a loser -- never have been, never will be. It seems to me you are using this as a way to put yourself down (as opposed to self-acceptance/compassion).
And maybe you are a perfectionist, which seems in line with being an engineer. But perfectionism also makes it easier to be hard on yourself.
More and more people are embracing the idea of neurodiversity. So we are already perfect anyway if not compared to an arbitrary standard.
And maybe you are a perfectionist, which seems in line with being an engineer. But perfectionism also makes it easier to be hard on yourself.
More and more people are embracing the idea of neurodiversity. So we are already perfect anyway if not compared to an arbitrary standard.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
@gooblax, I agree completely with @Daniel.
The only "loser" is that notably inaccurate and negative inner critic that seemingly never has anything nice to say and just never shuts up.
The only "loser" is that notably inaccurate and negative inner critic that seemingly never has anything nice to say and just never shuts up.
gooblax
MVP
Having emotions about stuff with my stupid therapist equates to loserishness though. Pre-2005 I would have been better than to get sucked into this.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
No. That's not true either.
It's very clear that you cannot trust what your inner critic says about you. None of it is accurate.
The bottom line is that what the inner critic says are based on anxiety, fear, and worry. You fear or worry that you might be a "loser" so your inner critic confirms that. Doesn't make it true. Really, all that inner critic can do is confirm state what you worry about as fact. But she has no insight and no monopoly on reality. Quite the contrary: she only has a degree of monopoly on negativity and fantasy.
You need to focus on challenging everything that inner critic says. Look for all the logical reasons that prove the inner critic is wrong and repeat those to yourself instead of repeating what the inner critic says.
It's very clear that you cannot trust what your inner critic says about you. None of it is accurate.
The bottom line is that what the inner critic says are based on anxiety, fear, and worry. You fear or worry that you might be a "loser" so your inner critic confirms that. Doesn't make it true. Really, all that inner critic can do is confirm state what you worry about as fact. But she has no insight and no monopoly on reality. Quite the contrary: she only has a degree of monopoly on negativity and fantasy.
You need to focus on challenging everything that inner critic says. Look for all the logical reasons that prove the inner critic is wrong and repeat those to yourself instead of repeating what the inner critic says.
gooblax
MVP
Even if it is based on fear/worry, it is not safe to have feelings related to other people. Least of all in something as disgusting as a "therapeutic relationship" - I'd rather have no feelings at all with respect to that.
I would say with most people their relationship with their "dark side," e.g. inner critic, shadow self, pain body, etc., may be the toughest challenge since it more subconscious/deep.
In other words, I can make myself feel horrible all on my own
In other words, I can make myself feel horrible all on my own
"There are three Things extremely hard, Steel, a Diamond, and to know one's self."
-- Benjamin Franklin
-- Benjamin Franklin
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
What makes it unsafe, in your eyes?
gooblax
MVP
Getting hurt, hurting back.
I'm used to my 'inner critic' and it's not so bad when there's no other people involved.
Reminds me of something in ethics called negative utilitarianism -- basically life as damage control where avoiding pain is given more priority than seeking anything else. (It's a moral philosophy that only works on paper since it is too robotic and spiritless.)
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