My ongoing therapy dilemma

[gooblax]

I guess the regular one...? The one who I have Saturday morning sessions with where it takes almost 2 hours each way. Who says it's only as disgusting as needing oxygen or having 4 limbs.

I only saw the EAP one once. Not sure what benefit there'd be in seeing her again.

 

[Daniel E.]

it's going to be a weird one

As Albert Ellis would say: "So what?"

It's your therapy session, as in client-centered, not therapist-centered:

Person-Centered Therapy (Rogerian Therapy)

The person-centered therapist learns to recognize and trust human potential, providing clients with empathy and unconditional positive regard to help facilitate change. The therapist avoids directing the course of therapy by following the client’s lead whenever possible. Instead, the therapist offers support, guidance, and structure so that the client can discover personalized solutions within themselves.

I also sympathize with the 2 hour driving time, especially since so many therapists are online now. When I go to Phoenix every few weeks (also 2 hours each way), I try to have at least one major break along the way (20+ minutes). Otherwise, the trip seems to take forever sometimes. I also haven't tried Audible yet for that trip. On the positive side, two hours would give you plenty of time to prepare for a therapy session

 

[gooblax]

As Albert Ellis would say: "So what?"

It's your therapy session, as in client-centered, not therapist-centered:

I guess but it's just difficult, given that I left the last session thinking I should really quit because I am and always will be the problem. I don't know how to talk about that with this guy.

I also sympathize with the 2 hour driving time, especially since so many therapists are online now. When I go to Phoenix every few weeks (also 2 hours each way), I try to have at least one major break along the way (20+ minutes). Otherwise, the trip seems to take forever sometimes. I also haven't tried Audible yet for that trip. On the positive side, two hours would give you plenty of time to prepare for a therapy session

The trick for me is making sure I don't drink too much water for the 5hr round trip unless I'm willing to add up to an hour extra (from missing a bus) to accommodate a bodily function. :lol: But my trip is already broken up by one change of bus and arriving up to 20mins early because of the timetables so I spend more of the time being 'mindful' about logistics than preparing for the session.
I had my initial appointment online with him but he didn't acknowledge any video/audio lags (maybe they didn't happen on his end but they did on mine) and that made it tricky because I had to try to guess what he said during the lag (rather than interrupt to tell him I missed what he'd said). So despite the hassle I'd rather just see him in person, given that I've already got one online therapist.

Maybe I need to give them code names rather than "therapist" and "counsellor" but their first names both start with the same letter and it'd be weird to me to pick a different letter. I suppose I could go with "M" and "H" as long as I don't forget who I'm talking about lol.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Or male and female?

 

[gooblax]

Nah they're both male. Could just use NSW or QLD but I don't want that on every post.

 

[GaryQ]

Maybe I need to give them code names rather than "therapist" and "counsellor" but their first names both start with the same letter and it'd be weird to me to pick a different letter. I suppose I could go with "M" and "H" as long as I don't forget who I'm talking about lol.

:rofl:

 

[gooblax]

Having annoying feelings about my long term therapist, M, today but I'm trying not to be mean to myself about having them.
Still not really wanting to talk to counsellor H... But the whole point is for H to help me with M.
When things with M are ok it seems pointless to talk to H, but when things aren't ok with M I'm a mess and could use the extra help.

As it is, with M's latest "charge me a fee I hadn't been informed about" issue I'm reluctant to bring it up with him next time just because things went so well last session and I don't want to disrupt that. In my last session with H I'd just mentioned the first time M did this. H was saying he thinks it's pretty normal to accidentally forget to tell someone that the fee is changing. I still don't know how one would allow themselves to forget given its importance but ok.

(I dunno if this M/H thing is helping to clarify or making me lazier with saying who is who...?)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yeah. How do you "forget" to tell clients your fees are changing? Sounds like BS to me.

And I agree: the M/H thing is more confusing. Bad idea. Sorry.

 

[gooblax]

Yeah. How do you "forget" to tell clients your fees are changing? Sounds like BS to me.

I still think this latest one could be an accident, where if he had a new admin person they might not know who gets what fee (cause the old admin lady left). Or if he doesn't have the new person yet then he might have stuffed up trying to manage the different fees by himself. I could understand that happening.

But yeah. The counsellor was saying he's done it in the past - gone to charge the client the new fee and discovered that he hadn't told them, then let them pay the old fee for that session because he'd forgotten (and swap to the new fee for subsequent sessions). Maybe the training over here involves "how to be a careless, thoughtless **** about practicalities".

And I agree: the M/H thing is more confusing. Bad idea. Sorry.

Haha all good. I could swap to "psych" (being the long-term guy) and "counsellor" (new guy)?

 

[GaryQ]

I wish I could comment but I'm tired and I'm still dizzy from all the M & M's gave me the munchies. Honestly all I caught was you getting shafted with that extra fee. (Of course doesn't help that I had to deal with 2 morons today... and that story's not over yet)

I just hope things keep moving forward for you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Haha all good. I could swap to "psych" (being the long-term guy) and "counsellor" (new guy)?

That sounds like a better option. Or "psych" and "EAP" if the counselor is EAP.

 

[gooblax]

I wish I could comment but I'm tired and I'm still dizzy from all the M & M's gave me the munchies. Honestly all I caught was you getting shafted with that extra fee. (Of course doesn't help that I had to deal with 2 morons today... and that story's not over yet)

I just hope things keep moving forward for you.

M&Ms would be good! Does Canada have the peanut butter M&Ms? We don't get them here - just regular, peanut, crispy, mini, or the occasional promotional flavours. Next time I go to the US I'll probably bring back half a suitcase full of the peanut butter ones, plus butterfingers.

The fee I was charged this time is back to the same value as when I started with him almost 2 years ago. So it's annoying but not terrible. I guess I'll see if I have the guts to bring it up when I next see him to find out what the deal is.

Good luck dealing with the morons

 

[GaryQ]

thanks, just posted the bonus. and if you remember posts regarding my total lack of any form of artistic drawing talents. I was actually blown away when she sent me the scanned form. :woohoo:

I'm not an M &M or candy person just all the M's and H's made me think of them. And I haven't slept in over 24 hours so the brain not working well on decoding cryptic messages

 

[gooblax]

Counsellor has a 'scratchy voice' today and called (then messaged when I didn't see the call) to let me know in case I wanted to swap to phone/video, reschedule, or still come in. I was just about to leave when I grabbed my phone and saw.

I've picked video so I'll see how that goes today. At least I can change into some shorts rather than the longer pants, get my laundry done, and maybe go get groceries before the session now.

 

[gooblax]

Succeeded with the laundry (but lost a sock! ), only wrote a grocery list.

Video with counsellor was as laggy as the last time so I'll try not to do that again. It's just difficult when he's saying something, video freezes, then audio cuts out for a bit before cutting back in, then I have to try and go on as if I heard the whole thing. I don't know whose end that problem is on. Also his computer froze about 15mins in and he had to restart but he made up the time for that.

The session aftermath isn't as bad as last time. Still dug up some "not real problems, don't deserve help" stuff but not on such a large scale. Just barely managed to book another session with him, knowing that if I didn't then I'd likely come up with ideas about how I can't ever contact him again.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Succeeded with the laundry (but lost a sock! )

Post it on social media as a runaway. Make sure to include a recent photo and a description of age, height, and approximate weight, and what the sock was wearing when last seen. It's also helpful to mention any specific areas or towns the sock was known to frequent.

I see those all the time of Facebook and a lot of them turn up safe and sound with a couple of days.

Something like this only with your sock:

 

[GaryQ]

Succeeded with the laundry (but lost a sock! ), only wrote a grocery list.

Video with counsellor was as laggy as the last time so I'll try not to do that again. It's just difficult when he's saying something, video freezes, then audio cuts out for a bit before cutting back in, then I have to try and go on as if I heard the whole thing. I don't know whose end that problem is on. Also his computer froze about 15mins in and he had to restart but he made up the time for that.

The session aftermath isn't as bad as last time. Still dug up some "not real problems, don't deserve help" stuff but not on such a large scale. Just barely managed to book another session with him, knowing that if I didn't then I'd likely come up with ideas about how I can't ever contact him again.

That's not fun. Reminds me of my last phone appointment with doc which was a special one for my increased panic attacks and anger issues. well as he calls it just rings and call drops as I try to answer. to keep it short Bell had cell problems all morn. So Lost cause.

For your sock. "Sock it up" at least you didn't blame the washing machine for eating it as most do.
I can't count how many times I knocked on door of the lady who's laundry time is before me saying "lose something?" usually with a sock in my hand.

You may make me laugh often but you also produce a happy smile and immense joy for not giving in and giving up and booking before you had a chance to change your mind
Means you're making real progress you can preemptively short circuit the "should I" internal debate. That's awesome to know

 

[gooblax]

I found the sock! I'd only worn it twice
- bought a pack of 5 pairs a couple of weeks ago cause I needed some new ones... they're black and grey, but with different enough shades of grey that it's difficult to tell them apart when wet and inside out so I already have worn two odd socks when I couldn't be bothered fixing a pair I'd incorrectly matched together.

I was just planning out what my lost sock poster should look like, but decided to actually put away my washed laundry for once because maybe I'd find it stuck inside a sleeve or something. Found it at the top of the laundry pile after putting away only 3 things, with no idea which thing it fell out of. But now I don't need to put away the rest of the laundry

So I still have an incorrectly matched pair (and had to correct the other pair that I'd also incorrectly matched... I can see this is going to be an ongoing problem!) and will have to find the other incorrectly matched pair that's probably in my 'clean laundry pile on the floor'.

At least now I can stop checking the washing machine. When I've lost stuff it's only once been because it stayed in the barrel but it's always the most obvious place to look

I feel like crap from the session, but it's a slow burning crap rather than an intense one. Don't try to form any mental pictures about that sentence.
It dug up stuff from like 15 years ago and he did a lot of talking. I should really get up and do something rather than staying stuck in these feelings but it feels hard and pointless. I looked up the person that the stuff related to and found their job title etc. They finished their PhD. It's funny that whenever I meet up with my highschool friend, I always wish it could be with the rest of that group too including that person. Even though seeing that person again wouldn't be a very good idea for me. Just way too much stuff there, still.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Is there a story behind that 15-years-ago-friend that is shareable?

 

[gooblax]

Yeah I've mentioned him here before. Short story is:

• First guy I ever really liked
• First person outside of immediate family I ever really told about my interests
• First person I'd shared my feelings with about (what I later came to realise was) anxiety, self esteem issues etc.
• He knew I liked him, didn't feel the same way, but I guess he enjoyed it for awhile until the above dot point got too much for him and said there was no point talking to me anymore if that's all I was going to talk about
• He later apologised for "toying with me" re. the stringing me along part

I made a mistake in putting too much **** on him that he wasn't equipped to deal with. He chose a really hurtful way to let me know that. I don't blame him. I've spent a long time blaming myself.

Edit: Actually it's interesting to note that for a time I'd forgotten about the whole middle portion of that (and only remembered him not liking me and the "toying with me" business). It wasn't until I was restarting therapy last year when I read over my old emails to my therapist and found the one where I'd mentioned this situation which reminded me of those worse details.