My ongoing therapy dilemma

[gooblax]

All good. No need for Canadian sorry It's useful that I realise that up front rather than trying to pretend it's all fine during the session and falling to bits like a weirdo afterwards.

 

[Daniel E.]

No need for Canadian sorry

Ha ha! It is contagious. I say sorry now all the time at Walmart

 

[gooblax]

I say it pretty frequently too. Most often from almost walking into people in the corridors at work because there's a lot of blind corners. Someone even put a mirror up at the kitchen exit a few years ago to help prevent collisions. Neither person is actually sorry cause no one's done anything wrong other than attempting to walk.

Just had my session. Stayed very much on a practical level but that was ok this time. Luckily psych was first to mention whether or not we'd have an in-person session next month and, when I said that I'd like to, he suggested a possible location area. So that addressed most of my concerns right there without me having to say any of the other stuff. (Obviously although there's stuff behind that other stuff that I'll still need to deal with sometime, it's good that it didn't have to be immediately.)

We also discussed the decision I need to make about the counsellor. He thinks that if I'm finding that things are going ok in my main therapy relationship, then I can probably put a pause on the other one (and vice versa, if he wasn't helping then it would make sense to stop seeing him). I agree in principle, however I'm not sure that he understands just how messed up I get when things aren't going ok, nor can I easily predict when things will become un-ok. It's like a bit of a safety net and I'm not sure if I'm ready to give it up, even though this safety net has a few holes in it.

Regardless, I need to do something about my next booked session with counsellor because it interferes with the flight I booked. I'd thought I'd be able to book the flight for a couple of days later, but my mum had decided I should arrive at a time that my dad can pick me up from the airport... which was Saturday afternoon. One shouldn't book late afternoon flights because afternoon storms are typical here, so there was no way around it. So I'll have to decide if I just cancel it or want to set a different appointment.

 

[GaryQ]

The fact he short circuited you're meet in person debate is hilarious :lol:

Now a suggestion; when you're in a somewhat mentally ok mood ask yourself: Is the counselor helping me or making things worse. If he's really not helping (and I don't mean you having issues, I mean him having incompetency issues) The possibility of reversing the progress you made is real. Sometimes you have to eliminate those that don't help. But that's your call. From up here reading what's been going on down under.... Doesn't seem like you and him are making much progress together. And some might find 2 or 3 or more therapists a good idea. Finding one good one is better than a bunch of not good ones.

And all my suggestions and advice always come with a 100% satisfaction or your money back

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Ha ha! It is contagious. I say sorry now all the time at Walmart

I say it pretty frequently too. Most often from almost walking into people in the corridors at work because there's a lot of blind corners. Someone even put a mirror up at the kitchen exit a few years ago to help prevent collisions. Neither person is actually sorry cause no one's done anything wrong other than attempting to walk.

Ah but do either of you find yourself apologizing to walls, doors, and furniture when you bump into them? I do that a lot and I have to admit when I catch myself doing it it cracks me up.

We also discussed the decision I need to make about the counsellor. He thinks that if I'm finding that things are going ok in my main therapy relationship, then I can probably put a pause on the other one (and vice versa, if he wasn't helping then it would make sense to stop seeing him). I agree in principle, however I'm not sure that he understands just how messed up I get when things aren't going ok, nor can I easily predict when things will become un-ok. It's like a bit of a safety net and I'm not sure if I'm ready to give it up, even though this safety net has a few holes in it.

Regardless, I need to do something about my next booked session with counsellor because it interferes with the flight I booked. I'd thought I'd be able to book the flight for a couple of days later, but my mum had decided I should arrive at a time that my dad can pick me up from the airport... which was Saturday afternoon. One shouldn't book late afternoon flights because afternoon storms are typical here, so there was no way around it. So I'll have to decide if I just cancel it or want to set a different appointment.

My advice is keep the counsellor for now as a safety net and see how things progress with the therapist, especially with the rare face-to-face session coming up.

 

[GaryQ]

Ah but do either of you find yourself apologizing to walls, doors, and furniture when you bump into them? I do that a lot and I have to admit when I catch myself doing it it cracks me up.

Now that's taking being Canadian to extreme limits :rofl:

Me it usually (was funnier when there was someone else around)
"Who the heck moved that damn door frame again, etc." :facepalm:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Now that's taking being Canadian to extreme limits :rofl:

Me it usually (was funnier when there was someone else around)
"Who the heck moved that damn door frame again, etc." :facepalm:

Yes that too.

Or, "What the hell are you doing there? I've told you about this before. Don't make me get my axe. "

 

[gooblax]

The fact he short circuited you're meet in person debate is hilarious :lol:

Haha I suppose it is I was sitting there wondering wtf to do with all the extra thoughts and feelings around not getting to see him in person. He's like "any concerns about it [meeting in person]?" and I was just thinking "well, plenty but most not in the way you'd be imagining!" Classic attempt to preplan a scenario and having it go immediately off course, but for once in a good way It still might be weird seeing him out of normal location context. Also we need to agree upon a location with sufficient privacy but nothing too weird. So it could still go wrong but no need for me to overthink anything for now (I say that while overthinking my location preferences and how to present them to him).

Now a suggestion; when you're in a somewhat mentally ok mood ask yourself: Is the counselor helping me or making things worse. If he's really not helping (and I don't mean you having issues, I mean him having incompetency issues) The possibility of reversing the progress you made is real. Sometimes you have to eliminate those that don't help. But that's your call. From up here reading what's been going on down under.... Doesn't seem like you and him are making much progress together. And some might find 2 or 3 or more therapists a good idea. Finding one good one is better than a bunch of not good ones.

And all my suggestions and advice always come with a 100% satisfaction or your money back

Yeah I'll have to have a think about it. In some ways it's useful that he makes interpretations or assumptions about how things might be, because it's not normally stuff that I'd acknowledge so forthrightly. But it makes it awkward telling him when he's off course. It's not as if I haven't had problems talking to my regular psych in the past, and there's a few similarities in the problems with counsellor vs the ones I had with psych even though their approaches are different (somehow accidentally inviting them to monologue, difficulty telling them when I've had enough of a topic, them sometimes having a way of saying something that sets off my "I'm being weak, needy, pathetic" thoughts from a DEFCON 3 to 2 or 1, and post-session misery spirals). It just doesn't upset me quite so much with counsellor (unless it somehow relates to my psych) because I'm not very attached to him at all compared to the ridiculous mess of attached-ness to my psych.

My advice is keep the counsellor for now as a safety net and see how things progress with the therapist, especially with the rare face-to-face session coming up.

Yeah maybe. I'm leaning towards cancelling next month's session with counsellor and saying that I'll get back in contact when I want to book another session. If the in-person psych session goes well then I don't need a bad session with counsellor stuffing things up over Xmas. If it goes poorly then that'll suck but maybe I need to try and trust that I'll be able to handle it.

Ah but do either of you find yourself apologizing to walls, doors, and furniture when you bump into them? I do that a lot and I have to admit when I catch myself doing it it cracks me up.

:rofl: Can't say I've ever done that.

 

[gooblax]

Just cancelled the schedule-conflict session with counsellor and said I'd get back to him when I wanted to book another session. Seems more like a "bye, never see you again" type deal but I guess it doesn't have to be. That's just how my brain is framing it because it's a weirdo that thinks it's protecting me somehow when it's really just making me miserable.

I still need to email my psych with my location options. Starting to worry that if I don't get back to him soon, he'll decide it's too much of a bother and can the whole thing. Plus I'm feeling uncomfortable with my positive feelings towards him again, which apparently I don't need to view as disgusting even though they are. I'm also worried that once I reply, I'll get stuck in 'anxious waiting for a response' mode since he will need to respond for us to agree on a location.

:bonk::dontknow:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Actually, the reason you don’t need to label your feelings as disgusting is because they are not disgusting. Just wanted to clarify that.

 

[gooblax]

They're likely to lead to something painful though, so I can't imagine that there's anything good about them even if they're not disgusting.

Sent the email to psych, even though I didn't have a perfect answer (because I never would get one, so delaying for that purpose doesn't help anyone). Not sure if I need to leave my phone at home tomorrow to avoid checking for responses that won't happen any time soon. Good reminder about why it's not ok to fall into any larger sort of email trap.

 

[gooblax]

My dream last night included psych deciding to cancel the in-person session due to poor weather (2 weeks in advance of the session, somehow the weather couldn't be worked around).
I'm still worried that he's going to decide he doesn't want to do this session.

Counsellor got back to me to thank me for letting him know, so at least that end is tied up.

 

[gooblax]

I see many more reasons to call it off than for it to go ahead. There are no good locations, all my suggestions were bad for one reason or another. It would be weird and not really work no matter which one we picked. I'm thinking it might be better for me to call it off before it goes wrong some other way.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I see many more reasons to call it off than for it to go ahead.

Isn't that always going to be true when it's something that creates or triggers anxiety?

There are no good locations, all my suggestions were bad for one reason or another. It would be weird and not really work no matter which one we picked. I'm thinking it might be better for me to call it off before it goes wrong some other way.

Why were they bad? What was bad about them?

 

[gooblax]

Isn't that always going to be true when it's something that creates or triggers anxiety?

I guess but I also see the reasons on his side being more towards calling it off.

Why were they bad? What was bad about them?

His example was in a particular shopping centre. Looking for locations with any semblance of face-to-face seating in a shopping centre immediately means a cafe or food court. Cafes would be bad because it'll be weird having to order a coffee (or in my case, not a coffee because I don't like it, so wtf would I order when I don't really like hot drinks in general but I can't order a milkshake or smoothie because I'm a fatass so I guess a juice even though that's really not any better?!!) and then see how long we can hold the table without being bugged every 2 minutes about ordering something else. I don't know that I want to know how my psych takes his coffee. And maybe psych doesn't want to do it at a cafe so it could just be a stupid option altogether. So then a food court, at lunch time. Not going to be busy or weird at all.
Unless it's some weird side by side bench which to me would be inappropriate.

My second option was a park. But it'll be the middle of the day, and I don't know if the shade falls on the benches/tables at that time of day. If it doesn't, I can't sit in the sun for an hour regardless of sunscreen. So I'd have to ask to sit on the grass somewhere. Which is getting pretty bloody weird for a therapy session.

That's before the reminder that I don't actually need therapy, I shouldn't be wanting to see my psych, I'm too dependent and it's repulsive and the whole thing is just pathetic.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yeah I have to agree those seem like weird choices. Isn't privacy an issue?

But even so, your conclusion doesn't follow logically. In fact, it's pretty much a complete non sequitur.

That's before the reminder that I don't actually need therapy, I shouldn't be wanting to see my psych, I'm too dependent and it's repulsive and the whole thing is just pathetic.

 

[Daniel E.]

The only thing in public I have read about -- not offered locally -- is walking therapy, but that is usually in an area where there are fewer people than a shopping center, like a walking trail. Even then, there are big-time privacy concerns (as well as boundary concerns making things feel weird).

 

[gooblax]

I just don't know what other type of location is even possible, given that he doesn't have an office at the moment.

Privacy is a bit of a concern but I'd rather have the last session of the year be light and positive rather than getting into anything particularly private or emotional, so I don't think it would be a huge deal if anyone were to listen to my boring plans for the holidays and whether I'd done any of them yet. As long as we don't have it near either of my parents' workplaces there's a really low chance of being seen by anyone I know because I don't know anyone and don't live there anymore. Anyone I did know (ie. from high school) has likely moved out of their parents place and wouldn't live/work in the area. If some random people who I've never met before and will never see again realise that I'm having a counselling session then it doesn't really matter too much to me. I ruled out one shopping location due to parent proximity.

The other stuff is s pre-existing conclusion.

 

[Daniel E.]

Of the places you mentioned, I personally would go with a park:

Walk and Talk

"All the parks I choose for these walks are lightly populated-for safety's sake-but there's not enough foot traffic for clients to feel super self-conscious," she replies. "There have been times when another walker is very close: some clients will go right on talking; others, in nuanced ways, will communicate that they're uncomfortable. So I'll say, 'Do you want to stand here for a minute and look at this flower?' Or perhaps, 'Shall we talk a little softer?'"

But where I live, there are lots of hiking trails outside of parks in state-owned public land. And the national forests are like huge parks where people hike, hunt, camp, etc.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Oh I didn't realize he no longer has an office, although if he has switched to remote due to CPOVID that makes sense. Office space is expensive.