• Quote of the Day
    "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
    George Burns, posted by David Baxter

David Baxter

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Oh..... I don't think I ever knew that. Or if you mentioned it previously I had completely forgotten.

Wow. That explains a lot.

(And my first thought is this guy has a lot to answer for. But I won't go there just now.)
 

Daniel

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Re:
Continuing my on-and-off sook about "why wasn't I worth helping" and "why are everyone else's feelings more important than mine".

There is a free, 10-day seminar on self-compassion/acceptance:

Registration page: Radical Compassion Challenge

Broadcast page:

Monday, April 26 | Maria Shriver, “Becoming an Architect of Change”
Tuesday, April 27 | Daniel J. Siegel, MD, “The Neuroscience of Compassion”
Wednesday, April 28 | Kristin Neff, PhD, “The Yin and Yang of Self-Compassion”
Thursday, April 29 | Elizabeth Gilbert, “A Merciful, Loving Presence”
Friday, April 30 | Dacher Keltner, PhD, “Hardwired for Compassion”
Saturday, May 1 | Valarie Kaur, “Revolutionary Love”
Sunday, May 2 | Sandra Oh, “Creativity, Presence, and Compassion”
Monday, May 3 | Jon Kabat-Zinn, “How Mindfulness Can Heal the World”
Tuesday, May 4 | Krista Tippett, “Courage and Compassion”
Wednesday, May 5 | Van Jones, “Bridging the Divides That Separate Us”
Thursday, May 6 | Tara Brach’s Closing Session
 
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gooblax

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Oh..... I don't think I ever knew that. Or if you mentioned it previously I had completely forgotten.

Wow. That explains a lot.

(And my first thought is this guy has a lot to answer for. But I won't go there just now.)
I think the better I get at being super explicit about what I want from him, the better things go. So at least it's practice with self-validation, because I need to do that to be able to tell him the kind of thing I'm wanting to hear from him. Like 2 sessions ago I told him about something, he attempted a "that sounds difficult" or something like that, I shrugged it away while still feeling upset from the thing, then he made a bad attempt at 'seeing the funny side.' (The session kind of fell apart after that but was rescued from turning into one of the 'seemingly harmful sessions' because it seemed like he cared about the emotional state I went into and helped me to get out of it before we ended.) Last appointment, while not feeling emotional about it, I told him that I don't feel like he 'gets it' if he doesn't verbally say stuff that validates how the thing affected me (but I dunno if I would've been able to hear it at the time of the 1st discussion since I was already rejecting his initial attempt at saying anything empathetic... so I don't exactly make it easy for him to do what I want him to do). And then he said some supportive, validating stuff about the thing. We further spoke about the fact that I don't really believe that my feelings are welcome, and he said he wants me to say how I'm feeling. Dunno how much I believe that, but I'll try to put the skepticism down to my brain and its interpretations and history rather than it being about him not being safe to talk to about feelings. So, we're getting there. Just taking the route that's 30,000km barefoot over hot sand rather than taking the express train that some people seem to take.
There is a free, 10-day seminar on self-compassion/acceptance:
Thanks, I got an email about that but it had the word "spiritual" in the first sentence so I didn't read the rest. Maybe I'll look into it.
 

David Baxter

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These days, "spiritual" doesn't always mean "religious". In fact, more often than not, it's the opposite, anti-religious, in the sense of feeling connected to the environment and the unverse rather than to a church or a specific god. People today will often describe themselves as "spiritual but not religious, in the sense that I don't subscribe to any specific religion or church".

That more-or-less sums up my views, actually. I think religions have been responsible for far too many traumatic abuses, persecutions, wars, assaults on indigenous peoples, etc., to ever be taken seriously as houses of moral guidance.
 

Daniel

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in the sense of feeling connected to the environment and the unverse rather than to a church or a specific god.

"Nature. Cheaper than therapy." ~ Source unknown

Here, if I was willing to pay for their private-college tuition, there is a local graduate college that provides a degree in adventure and nature therapy.
 

gooblax

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That definition sounds OK in theory, but the word itself is a little "woo-woo" for me. In the antireligious sense, I'd have thought that the main type of person attracted to the term "spiritual" is either someone who's also attracted to things like healing crystals and raw foods veganism etc.. or even if not, is someone with whom I'd struggle to find common ground due to different topics of interest and concern and ways of being. But then my default is disconnection so connection itself kind of weirds me out.
 

David Baxter

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That definition sounds OK in theory, but the word itself is a little "woo-woo" for me. In the antireligious sense, I'd have thought that the main type of person attracted to the term "spiritual" is either someone who's also attracted to things like healing crystals and raw foods veganism etc.. or even if not, is someone with whom I'd struggle to find common ground due to different topics of interest and concern and ways of being. But then my default is disconnection so connection itself kind of weirds me out.
True enough. The essential oils crowd has kind of hijacked the word.
 

gooblax

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I'm worried that psych's going to decide that I'm too much effort to bother with, and that I should quit before he does.
 

David Baxter

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That doesn't seem very likely to me. For better or worse, he's stuck with you this far. Why would he "fire" you now when you've started making some important progress?
 

Daniel

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I'm worried that psych's going to decide that I'm too much effort to bother with, and that I should quit before he does.
 

Daniel

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Not that this relates to you, but Marsha Linehan says somewhere that, even for clients who "act out," it's just plain wrong for therapists to dump established clients for the same problems/behaviors that brought them to therapy.

On a lighter note:
 
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gooblax

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That doesn't seem very likely to me. For better or worse, he's stuck with you this far. Why would he "fire" you now when you've started making some important progress?
As a "well now you're better, I can be rid of you" thing maybe. Or just any reason like deciding to become a fisherman instead of being a therapist.
Yeah, I've been reminding myself that when we had our biggest 'rupture' he said it was up to me if I wanted to see someone different but he wouldn't force me to... and surely that was a time when it was more likely than now.
 

Daniel

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Of course, from an OCD perspective, even positive self-talk can be ruminative and unhelpful if it becomes a compulsion to rid oneself of unwanted thoughts/feelings.

That's part of the reason I like therapies like ACT since the goal is not to feel better (or closer to "perfect") per se. The goal is to be more cognitively flexible or to pursue one's values, etc. Doing so helps to avoid the worry trap (an addiction to wanting to feel in control all the time).
 
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