My Story: Part 1 by Kimberly Tyler
Thursday, June 7, 2007
I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) when I was twenty-seven years old. I had been living with the untreated symptoms of PTSD for twenty-five years. I am currently thirty-nine years old, and have been in therapy for twelve.
PTSD is categorized under Anxiety Disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-IV (DSM-IV). PTSD occurs as a result of experiencing an event (or series of events) so severe or grave (or perceived as severe or grave) that an individual is incapable of processing the incident(s) psychologically. In other words, the usual methods of assimilating information are barred and an inability to fully express the emotional impact of the trauma occurs.
The above is only the most basic outline of the formation of PTSD. In biological terms, research shows that it is the amygdale in the brain that holds the ?emotional memory? of the traumatic event until it can be expressed declaratively in context. The lingering effect of not integrating the emotional experience of the trauma with the cognitive knowledge of the trauma is what leads to clinical diagnosis.
There is not a genetic predisposition for this disorder, nor is it a result of a pre-existing psychological condition or character trait of weakness or fragility. A diagnosis of PTSD occurs regardless of a person?s level of intelligence, and it is not a result of a lack of cognitive awareness of the event(s) itself. PTSD is an affective disorder. (It is important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma will develop PTSD.)
The symptoms of PTSD include anxiety, anxiety or panic attacks, depression, disassociation (separation of mind from physical body), hypervilgilence (high startle response), emotional numbness or tuning out, nightmares and flashbacks. Additional symptoms that may also arise are low self-esteem, a sense of worthlessness, perfectionism (or workaholism), lack of boundaries, an inability to trust oneself or others, an inability to adequately assess a situation for danger, and the capacity to be triggered. Being triggered is the terminology used to describe what occurs to the individual when a memory of any type associated with the traumatic event occurs in present time and causes the person to quickly retreat back to the helplessness of the moment of earlier trauma (this is not always a conscious reaction). A trigger can be just about anything: a person, a place, a smell, a sound, a situation, a touch, a phrase, a feeling, an object, or a sensation: basically, anything that suggests or resembles the traumatic event itself.
My initiation into PTSD began with sexual abuse. For five years, occurring on or around major holidays, I was either molested or raped by an uncle. This sexual assault began around the age of two and continued until the fourth of July when I was seven years old.
Early on with PTSD, coping skills and conditioned responses are set into motion to adapt. These early coping skills and manners of response ensure survival and are unconsciously occurring to the afflicted; as time continues, these coping skills very often become detrimental and the ability to achieve healthy interaction with others, and within oneself, may result. Appropriate therapeutic intervention is essential to understand how to recognize belief systems in play, coping skills utilized, and how far reaching and insinuating the trauma and resulting symptoms of PTSD are to the individual. Each person will respond best to individualized therapy tailored for their specific needs. Within my own time spent in therapy?over twelve years?it is only in hindsight that I may see the effectiveness of each therapist and treatment offered. I know that I, personally, came into therapy with a lot of varying issues. PTSD was the major underlying factor for me, but an alcoholic family environment also played a role. A lot of my initial time in therapy was focused solely on either the depression and anxiety or my belief systems and coping skills; I was very resistant to discuss the early abuse. I desperately wanted to move on without having these particular discussions. My thoughts ran something like: If it was terrifying once, it will be terrifying all over again. I will not survive the retelling.
In my experience, understanding the severity of PTSD and how therapy works to undo what was created in the wake of trauma was very difficult to comprehend. Rationally, it just did not make sense. At the onset of my own diagnosis, the fact that a horrific event could cause a ?gap? to be created between cognitive knowledge and affective (emotional) knowledge was elusive even to me. Prior to diagnosis, I had been living ?successfully? under the illusion of adaptive coping skills. Diagnosis for me occurred, I believe, only because these coping skills and my ability to keep myself on guard slowly began slipping away: First came the diagnosis of ovarian cancer; and, although the removal of the cancerous tissue was successful, it was followed hard on by new physical problems created by the surgery, the diagnosis of endometriosis, two additional corrective surgeries, the onset of myofascial pain syndrome in my pelvis and then body-wide fibromyalgia. The first two surgeries occurred within eight months of the other, and the third a year and a half later. Recovery was slow, as I was unable to tolerate painkillers, and alternative forms of physical therapy were needful. It wasn?t until after the second surgery (after losing my job, losing my apartment, running through my savings, going into medical debt, and moving across the country to live with my parents again) that I finally asked the question of a complete stranger over a crisis hotline if the abuse I experienced early on in childhood could have a lasting effect on a person. I was a deeply troubled woman, and I thought I was creating all my problems myself. I called the hotline only because the flashbacks were extreme and I was thoroughly exhausted?physically and emotionally. Once this phone call was placed I was referred to a specialist. I was twenty-seven years old.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) when I was twenty-seven years old. I had been living with the untreated symptoms of PTSD for twenty-five years. I am currently thirty-nine years old, and have been in therapy for twelve.
PTSD is categorized under Anxiety Disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-IV (DSM-IV). PTSD occurs as a result of experiencing an event (or series of events) so severe or grave (or perceived as severe or grave) that an individual is incapable of processing the incident(s) psychologically. In other words, the usual methods of assimilating information are barred and an inability to fully express the emotional impact of the trauma occurs.
The above is only the most basic outline of the formation of PTSD. In biological terms, research shows that it is the amygdale in the brain that holds the ?emotional memory? of the traumatic event until it can be expressed declaratively in context. The lingering effect of not integrating the emotional experience of the trauma with the cognitive knowledge of the trauma is what leads to clinical diagnosis.
There is not a genetic predisposition for this disorder, nor is it a result of a pre-existing psychological condition or character trait of weakness or fragility. A diagnosis of PTSD occurs regardless of a person?s level of intelligence, and it is not a result of a lack of cognitive awareness of the event(s) itself. PTSD is an affective disorder. (It is important to note that not everyone who experiences trauma will develop PTSD.)
The symptoms of PTSD include anxiety, anxiety or panic attacks, depression, disassociation (separation of mind from physical body), hypervilgilence (high startle response), emotional numbness or tuning out, nightmares and flashbacks. Additional symptoms that may also arise are low self-esteem, a sense of worthlessness, perfectionism (or workaholism), lack of boundaries, an inability to trust oneself or others, an inability to adequately assess a situation for danger, and the capacity to be triggered. Being triggered is the terminology used to describe what occurs to the individual when a memory of any type associated with the traumatic event occurs in present time and causes the person to quickly retreat back to the helplessness of the moment of earlier trauma (this is not always a conscious reaction). A trigger can be just about anything: a person, a place, a smell, a sound, a situation, a touch, a phrase, a feeling, an object, or a sensation: basically, anything that suggests or resembles the traumatic event itself.
My initiation into PTSD began with sexual abuse. For five years, occurring on or around major holidays, I was either molested or raped by an uncle. This sexual assault began around the age of two and continued until the fourth of July when I was seven years old.
Early on with PTSD, coping skills and conditioned responses are set into motion to adapt. These early coping skills and manners of response ensure survival and are unconsciously occurring to the afflicted; as time continues, these coping skills very often become detrimental and the ability to achieve healthy interaction with others, and within oneself, may result. Appropriate therapeutic intervention is essential to understand how to recognize belief systems in play, coping skills utilized, and how far reaching and insinuating the trauma and resulting symptoms of PTSD are to the individual. Each person will respond best to individualized therapy tailored for their specific needs. Within my own time spent in therapy?over twelve years?it is only in hindsight that I may see the effectiveness of each therapist and treatment offered. I know that I, personally, came into therapy with a lot of varying issues. PTSD was the major underlying factor for me, but an alcoholic family environment also played a role. A lot of my initial time in therapy was focused solely on either the depression and anxiety or my belief systems and coping skills; I was very resistant to discuss the early abuse. I desperately wanted to move on without having these particular discussions. My thoughts ran something like: If it was terrifying once, it will be terrifying all over again. I will not survive the retelling.
In my experience, understanding the severity of PTSD and how therapy works to undo what was created in the wake of trauma was very difficult to comprehend. Rationally, it just did not make sense. At the onset of my own diagnosis, the fact that a horrific event could cause a ?gap? to be created between cognitive knowledge and affective (emotional) knowledge was elusive even to me. Prior to diagnosis, I had been living ?successfully? under the illusion of adaptive coping skills. Diagnosis for me occurred, I believe, only because these coping skills and my ability to keep myself on guard slowly began slipping away: First came the diagnosis of ovarian cancer; and, although the removal of the cancerous tissue was successful, it was followed hard on by new physical problems created by the surgery, the diagnosis of endometriosis, two additional corrective surgeries, the onset of myofascial pain syndrome in my pelvis and then body-wide fibromyalgia. The first two surgeries occurred within eight months of the other, and the third a year and a half later. Recovery was slow, as I was unable to tolerate painkillers, and alternative forms of physical therapy were needful. It wasn?t until after the second surgery (after losing my job, losing my apartment, running through my savings, going into medical debt, and moving across the country to live with my parents again) that I finally asked the question of a complete stranger over a crisis hotline if the abuse I experienced early on in childhood could have a lasting effect on a person. I was a deeply troubled woman, and I thought I was creating all my problems myself. I called the hotline only because the flashbacks were extreme and I was thoroughly exhausted?physically and emotionally. Once this phone call was placed I was referred to a specialist. I was twenty-seven years old.
