More threads by Bonnie


Hi all,
hoping to get some advice on a very difficult situation. My b/f and i live 5 hrs apart. we are bother divorced 6 yrs, 3kids for him and 2 for me, i'm 29 he's 46. We all get along great includung the kids and we discussed me relocating to him in the spring of next yr...all was well till recently he said he can't commit to a common law relationship with me now cause he is scared...we have been together for only 5 months but i and my children love him with all our heart. I don't wanna break uo with him but i am driving there every week on thurs till mon and coming home working tues wed and then go back..i am wore out and can't keep this up much longer...what do i do? how do i deal with this? i really love him, but i'm so hurt over all this...

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
After being divorced for 6 years, and knowing each other for only 5 months, I can understand why it might be scary for him to contemplate committing to you and your family so soon -- 5 months isn't a long time, even without knowing the details of his marriage and any other previous relationships.

I can understand that the commuting must be getting exhausting for you but I wonder why is it always you doing the driving? Are you perhaps investing more effort in this relationship than he is?

I guess, without knowing any other details about this relatiomship, my advice is let it grow naturally and don't be in a rush... trying to force it to a premature commitment may have a result you don't want at all. If you love him and the relationship is worth it, then be patient and give him and the children time to get comfortable with the idea.
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