Need some advice!

[Caligirl]

Hello everybody,

I have a question if anyone can give me some advice to see if it was wrong of me to do this. I have posted previous and I have issues between me and my fianc?.

My fianc? doesn't have a job he sells things on eBay to make our ends meet sometimes he has money and sometimes he doesn't I am the only one working so it's tough on me.

I came home from work yesterday and I had the bills on my mind and I need to put groceries in the house so when I got home I asked him if I could talk to him and he asked about what and I pointed at the bills that sit in front of his face all day long on his desk. This bills are do and I need help with making the payments on them and putting food on the table.

Well he got mad and told me that why is it the forts thing when I come home is to talk about money mind you I wasn't talking about money I was asking for help to pay for our bills and for food for our house. He said that I don't know how to be a women and I am going to lose my man and that he is so tired of me and I don't know how to be affectionate with him and on and on and that's not even what I was talking about I just asked for some help with our responsibilities.

Then he cries that I think he is a loser (I never say that to him) and I don't know how to keep a man and on and on. I mean what does he expect from me I can't be responsible for everything. Personaly I do not think
that I was wrong shouldn't u be able to come home to your partner and talk them
with whatever is on your mind.

Some advice please am I wrong??

Thanks for listening

Caligirl

 

[Andy]

Hi Caligirl,

This is just my opinion but I think your completely right. Unless he has a reason that he cannot work right now then I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to ask him to pull his own weight.

It's hard enough to support yourself and then to have to take care of someone else would be tough. Not that I would know that personally but just the thought of the money situation seems as though it would be stressful.

Again that's just my opinion, no disrespect to your fianc?. I hope you two can get things figured out. :2thumbs:

 

[busybee]

Hello Caligirl... at the end of the day it is not that what you have done is wrong... you can only be responsible for you and your feeling and or reactions.. Many people every day and confronted with exactly the same situation. this time it is the bills next time it is something else... there is no right time to talk about these issues... even if you had said... look I would like to set aside some time to discuss these important issues ... something would have happened..

It all comes down to communication. He may be feeling guilty or whatever the reason.... blame game begins, the manipulations....

If you and he are serious about your relationship then your communication techniques need some work...
Perhaps walking in the door and tackling difficult situations at the point of arrival may be bad timing... but you both need to decide... look we have some issues, yes we need to discuss and how are we going to resolve these issues... Having reactive communication and becoming defensive.... either party.. just clouds the issues.
Mind you, it took me 15 years to learn to communicate in this wasy LOL so dont be disheartened... another 15 years later.. I walked away... so you know

Keep the goal at the end in sight, try together communication tha works for you, and remember it is one step at a time... baby steps..
the other thing to really remember... Men ARE from mars and Women ARE from venus... we do NOT think the same...
Once you have that sussed there are a variety of communication techniques and strategies to trial..

Good luck on your journey..
Bee

 

[Caligirl]

Hi STP and thank you for you response the finacial stress is very hard on me plus my daughter is there with us to so I feel like I am responsible for everything and the first thing he says is he has to go cuz he can't deal with this anymore it's not the life he wants to live he just makes me so mad that his answer to everything is I'm going to leave and I told him as many times as you have said that your still here. I am just fed up and irritated thanks for listening

Caligirl

---------- Post added at 09:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:54 PM ----------

Hi Busy Bee thanks for listening to me Its just a very difficult issue with him talking about money I just don't know what to do I don't know what his mood will be like when I get home he even tries to start with me when I am at work he always says communication is key but there is never a right time to talk to him he always wants to avoid the subject but I can not do this alone.

Rent is coming up do and I can't afford it by myself so I know he is stressing on that but I am not his punching bag.

Thanks for listening

Caligirl