On my mind

[Lonewolf]

Hi! I don't know how to say what's going on at the moment, it's too difficult!!! I just needed to know that im not on my own right now!! I'm feeling quite vulnerable and need to know there are some good/kind people out there!! Am so sorry to bug anyone, I desperately don't want to annoy or bother anyone!! Apologies for being a nuisance!!!! Tell me to go away if you want to??

 

[Mari]

I do not think you are a nuisance or bothering anyone here. Sometimes when I am really stressed I will just go to The Waiting Room and check some of the threads there to see if there is anything that might cheer me. Can you talk a little bit about what the difficulty is? Please keep yourself safe.

 

[Lonewolf]

Ive had a bad experience recently and it's left me feeling even more disgusting in this body, I truly hate it! I can't talk about it!! Im sorry!!

 

[MHealthJo]

So sorry you have had something bad happen Lonewolf and the feelings you're struggling with.

Just keep chatting to us anytime you want, about anything. Even if you feel you can't go into a certain topic or something, feel free to always just chat in a different way or on a different topic, if it just helps you not feel alone.... Chat about anything, post some other general topic, just talk about smaller things in life or this or that or the other, whatever you like, in a Just Chat thread, or post a cute picture or some pretty pictures you find, or anything you like.

 

[Lonewolf]

Hi!! Why is it that sometimes the words you need just are not as forthcoming as you'd like? They are filling your head, but your mouth won't connect up? You feel that your head is literally going to explode unless you let it out, but you can't find the way to release some of the pressure? Is it maybe better you don't and hope eventually it would all disappear? Are some secrets better left as secrets?? If no one else is being hurt, is it worth saying anything anyway?? mg:

 

[MHealthJo]

Anything you are thinking or feeling can be worth saying if you choose, Lonewolf....

Sometimes writing can be an option too - even privately, if to someone else doesn't work or isn't possible at a given time. Other people start out by writing thoughts and showing their therapist or counsellor, or someone else - finding that at first, they can't physically speak the words.

But sometimes it's not just the speaking that's hard; it's words. So
all different types of art are used by many people to express something or unload something, too. Or taking a picture of an object, or finding pictures and collaging them. Or music, or poetry, or creating textures or doing things with fabric or crafts...Food, even.. Scupture... Object collections.... Or just plain colours or shapes....

xx

 

[Lonewolf]

mg::facepalm:mg::facepalm:

 

[MHealthJo]

Hugs to you Lonewolf as you keep hanging in there....

 

[Lonewolf]

I am back here again!! I apologize!! Really I do!! I have that horrible feeling that I am in the way of everything and everyone, including myself!! Its not easy to explain so I am so sorry if I don't make any sense!! This is the only way I can tell someone how it is for me because my words seem to get lost between thinking them and saying them!! Its very, very difficult to hold a verbal conversation cos I forget half way through exactly what it was I was talking about!! Its so frustrating!!! These nasty thoughts and feelings are incredibly frightening at the moment and I am alone with them!! Very alone!! I am also so angry with myself for being back here again!! I wish I could get something right!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You're not in the way of anyone. This is why this forum exists.

 

[forgetmenot]

You are not alone Lonewolf you are here with us and we hear you ok I am sorry you are feeling so low right now it is ok to talk here ok no one will judge you here hugs

 

[Lonewolf]

I wish I knew all the reasons I feel like this, but the truth is, I don't!! I am having a few major issues at the group I have been attending because someone from the past has shown up there and I have had several panic attacks from just seeing him again and the feeling that he is invading the one place I felt safe!! That's knocked me for six!!! Family issues that you all are probably so fed up with, are seriously upsetting me, more than usual!! I haven't been able to talk to anyone about anything verbally, because I keep forgetting what I am saying!! Unfortunately, you guys are getting this because I can write it on here!! Its not so stuck now!! I would love to know why this person showing up has effected me so much? I haven't seen him for years and yet just the thought of him being about again, frightens me so much I can't eat, can't sleep and most of all, I am on edge all the time, paranoid that he might hurt me again!! It feels like my world has once again collapsed on me!! I am so sorry for rambling, I have so much going on inside mei just need it all to stop now!! I don't want to be scared anymore!!

 

[Retired]

I haven't seen him for years and yet just the thought of him being about again, frightens me so much I can't eat, can't sleep and most of all, I am on edge all the time, paranoid that he might hurt me again!!

Does this person know where you live? If no, then is there some way he may be able to find out?

If this person committed a crime against you, can you not report him to the police and get a restraining order against him?

 

[Lonewolf]

Unfortunately he does know where I live and the fear that he might just turn up here is a very big fear of mine!! I let him stay in my spare room for a couple of months, just over 5 years ago and this is when 'it' happened!! I am not able to go to the police with this because I am not strong enough to do that by myself and I don't have anyone to go with me!! I am just so bloody weak and I am so annoyed with myself!! I don't understand why this is effecting me so badly!! He doesn't even seem to remember what happened!! Maybe it's me? Maybe I am the one with the issues? Maybe he has nothing to do with what's happening to me? I don't know? I really don't know?

 

[Retired]

I am not strong enough to do that by myself and I don't have anyone to go with me!!

Can you telephone the local police department, explain your situation and ask for someone to come to see you at your home?

Another option would be to locate a woman's shelter or woman's crisis center and ask them to help....that's what they are there for.

 

[Lonewolf]

I can't do it!! It's my own fault!! I should never have trusted him!! I should never have tried to be something that I wasn't! I must have 'abuse me' written on my forehead or something? Do you think that I will settle down abit soon!?? I just need to talk!! I am so pathetic right now!! Why am I letting this upset me so much?? It's doing my head in!! Please don't give up on me? I am strong enough to deal with this right now!! I can't do it!!! I just need a hug and maybe feel safe for a minute or two!! That's all! Will this fear ever go away?? I apologize for being so stupid!!

 

[MHealthJo]

We are with you...

We hope that maybe it could force you in a little bit of time to ring the police and have them come over..
You can just say "I need to report an assault but I'm too aftaid and upset to leave home just yet..." Would it help if you ask for two lady officers to come? - Maybe at first they could just talk at your house, and if you need to go to the station you could do that later.

Just remember he could be doing something to others too, or making people feel as scared as you do. Maybe there has been another report from a long time ago but they need someone else to come forward to investigate it further.

Because of what has happened, perhaps you could get a restraining order so that he cannot come to the same group you go to.

At least, if you have the police come and talk, or speak to a womens crisis centre or eomens assault line or helpline, you could ask whatever question you like and find out what your options are... You may feel much better and much safer. We all feel much better when we know our options and take action for ourselves. xx

 

[Retired]

Jo,

You make some excellent points.

A recorded police report is one's best defense if the case ever comes to trial. More important, as you alluded to, is to preclude this individual from harming others.

Lonewolf, by gathering the courage and taking the initiative to communicate with the legal authorities, can help you regain control of your life. Consider reaching out to a women's support group for assistance.

 

[Lonewolf]

This is so very close to another situation I still have great problems facing!! I just want to die!l I won't though, cos that's far too simple!! It would be the answer to all my problems, but I think I am here to suffer, suffer, suffer and suffer some more!! I CAN'T cope with this!! It seems to be that the weight of the world is firmly on my shoulders yet again!! I know I have said it many times before, but I am going to stress it as loud as I can, I am so frightened!! Why have B*******s like these got so much power over what we feel and how we live!! And to force us into circumstances that effect us for the rest of this shitty life!!

 

[MHealthJo]

It is good that you are letting those feelings out LW.

I think you said something that is sort of the key.... 'Why do these bad people have so much power'....

They do not have to though. Fear is the reason that they have the power they have. Because fear causes others to let those bad people get away with things.

It is so tough to get past the fear. But help is available so that we can get justice and safety in motion. Safety and security and freedom from harm or abuse, is a right for all of us.

When the innocent people have had enough and decide to do something, that is what can take away the power of the bad ones. And it's so helpful for helping us to feel safer -by taking action. xx