On my mind

[Lonewolf]

I don't think I can go through it all again!! I have been through the whole process before and it seems more difficult now than it did the first time!! I know I sound like a right wimp and maybe I shouldn't complain about this man if I can't/won't actually do anything about him! I am sorry!! I know you guys are right, but if any of you have been through this sort of thing before, you might understand why I am so petrified about going anywhere with it!! I am sorry if I have annoyed anyone with my cowardliness!! I feel like a stupid coward!! I do!! I am frightened of going to that place again!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Was there a bad experience?

When you are ready LW I hope you can ask your social worker or a womens advocacy worker to go with you. You probably also would not have to have a physical examination or anything, with the report being of that long ago. I am not sure though - feel free to ask them.

I hope there is a possibility that you could go to a different group from this person, or something... It is a shame if he causes you to lose that source of help. xx

 

[Lonewolf]

Yes!! He hurt me!! Badly!! I don't think there is another group like this in my area!! I am going to have to do the same thing as I do when I see my brother! Suppress my feelings and try to cope with any that I can't bury with help from the staff at the group!!! Not ideal, but this group is my life support machine and I don't think I could manage without it!! It gives me a reason to get up in the mornings!! I have also been trying so hard to significantly reduce contact with my family, which is very painful and difficult! This group has been the only place I felt safe for a long time, apart from my home!! Both of which are very stressful right now!! I feel like everything is slipping away from me again!! I am finding it almost impossible to see the end of the day, let alone the near future!! I am sorry!! I'm defeated!! Its pointless!! I'll never win in this life!!

 

[MHealthJo]

Please try to call a womens centre or womens advocacy group or mental health advocacy group hun so that you can pursue justice. It is not fair for you to have these situations due to fear of making a report. They may also help you to find other groups and supports if it ends up that he is still in your group.

I'm so sorry you have these difficulties to deal with.

 

[PrincessX]

Lone wolf, any chance you talk to the group administrator or organization responsible for the group and explain the situation as much or as little as you can and then ask them to ban this man from the group? So sorry you have to go through so many difficulties. We are all sending you love and trying to be helpful.

 

[Lonewolf]

Thank you all for your support at this time!! It means so much to me!

 

[Lonewolf]

I have really messed up!!! I went to the group and a person that I thought was a friend, made a comment about how they thought I was over reacting about this man and for the first time in my life, I lost control of myself and went up like a volcano!! This man was sat not 5 yards from me!! That didn't help either!! The worse thing is that I frightened myself with the anger and the strength I felt after that comment!! Am I really over reacting? Do you think I will lose my cool again? I have never let out my feelings in such a way before!! I don't understand why this happened!! Things are very difficult with the friend as well now!! I am trying to keep going to the group because I don't want to let him win!! But he already has!! Hasn't he??

 

[PrincessX]

Hi Lonewolf. No, he has not won anything. It seems like this person who made the comment does not know enough about him and regardless no one in your support group should be judging you. This person had no right to say you were overreacting. Is there someone supervising or advising the people in the group that you can talk to?

 

[MHealthJo]

I think in this situation LW you also really need to talk about what happened earlier with this man, to the friend and to the group leader. They need to know why you are afraid of the man.

Really, he shouldn't be there, he should be in custody, and all kinds of problems happen when a criminal is not in custody. At the very least, you need to tell the group leader and it would be good if you could tell your friend.

Really people might not be safe around this person and they need to know before a problematic opportunity happens - what happened with you could happen again or sonething else could happen. It will also help people understand your reaction.

 

[Lonewolf]

I did talk to a staff member after the incident happened!! They reassured me that I was safe there, I wasn't to let him stop me going to the group!! That is easier said than done to be honest!! I just feel so stupid letting this person get to me like this!! At the group they are arranging activities for the group to do over Christmas and although I would love to go with them, I am trying to avoid anything this man may be going to purely because I can't bring myself to socialize with him, I won't enjoy it!! Christmas is going to be so damn hard and so painful anyway and seeing him, I think, will push me over the edge completely!! I am clinging on by my fingernails at the moment and dying would answer all my problems right now!! I am no good at trying to take my life either!! So that's just something else I naff up too!! Right now, I am very destraught!! Nothing is going well!! I am struggling to find reasons to keep going!! I wish dying was as much as a choice as deciding not getting out of bed in the morning!! If our number is not up, we aren't going anywhere!! No matter what we want, do or say???