Rage

[strassekrieger]

i'm not sure if someone has already posted something like this. i didn't really want to look through all of the posts...

Recently, I've been becoming more and more short-tempered, which I have connected with puberty. I'm almost 16 now, and my temper isn't getting better. Even the smallest thing ticks me off. Just a few days ago at school, a guy who I don't particularly like was sitting in my seat during lunch, which isn't a serious problem. I asked him to move, and with him being who he is, he made a really big deal out of it. Even after his simple refusal, I felt ready to rip him to pieces.

This has happened more than once, and not just at school. So far, I'd just thought of different, gruesome ways to bring "justice" to the people I was mad at, but lately, no matter how many ways I think up, I stay angry. I also act out these methods (when I'm alone of course), and when I have finally brought "justice" to the person, I pretend to sit down next to their battered body and carry on a normal conversation with them, where I ask them about the pain and what not. (borderline schizophrenia?)

Nobody really knows about this because I can hide my emotions pretty well, and I can really control them, but I'm worried that it won't stay that way. What should I do to just get rid of at least some of it????

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Nobody really knows about this because I can hide my emotions pretty well

This is the key.

There's an excellent book by William Pollack called Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Random House, 1998), where he talks about how from a very early age boys learn to hide their feelings from other people and eventually from themselves - all feelings like anxiety, stress, worry, fear, sadness, loneliness, etc., etc. - all "weak feelings - all feelings except anger, the one emotion males are allowed to have. If you want to know where all this anger is coming from, read that book.

If you want to know what to do about all that anger, you'll need to go a little further. A counselor or therapist with exoperience in cognitive behavior therapy would be helpful (read more about this here, here, and here.

For more articles on males and feelings, see:

http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/raising-sons.htm

http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=950

http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=1452

http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=4127

http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=10

http://www.psychlinks.ca/blog/2004/08/men-women-and-therapy.html

 

[Eunoia]

I think given that you're 16 and you have noticed your anger and worry about its consequences, this would be the best time to try and do something about it before it actually gets out of hand. Situations can escalate quickly, and you don't want to have to deal w/ not being able to handle them at school, later at work, in a relationships, w/ friends, or as you said complete strangers.

There's a lot of reasons why you may have been more short-tempered lately and ticked off at things/people/situations but as David said, the key is not to ignore those feelings. There's a lot going on when you're 16, a lot of pressure, and a certain "image" that's expected of a 16 year old boy or girl, but only you know what's right for you and if this feels wrong and there is potential for this to escalate (which then will involve other people's safety) you need to try to understand what's happening now and how you can learn to express your emotions in healthier ways, still appropriate for you and your age, just not so damaging... do you do any sports? Sports and exercise can be great ways to let off some steam without hurting anyone. Don't let your thoughts about what might happen become reality, hold on to the fact that you know something's wrong w/ this picture.... can you go talk to a school counsellor? or maybe a teacher you trust? a coach? there's also many anger management techniques, but I think talking to someone 1st about potential triggers and issues would give you a good starting point, along w/ checking out some of the books/articles above.

 

[AMT]

Well I'm 14 almost 15 and i have more or less the same problem, only i can hide it well and control it, until i explode. There are some tps on how to realease some anger here somewhere, kind of helped me a little. My point is, your not alone i know alot of people who at the moment are getting angry over nothing. Everyone puts it down to hormones. but some of those above things may help and eunoia is right, talking to someone helps even if it's only a friend thats a step.

 

[strassekrieger]

Thanks a lot you all. I read some of those articles, and they are pretty good. Thanks again.

 

[Eunoia]

I find that the more you try to control your emotions or keep them locked up inside the worse they become, and the more difficult it will be to handle them once they do "spill over". Learning to reconize your emotions and understanding why you feel the ways you do is an important part of not only growing up but on a day to day basis throughout life. Hormones do play a big part in this, especially at both of your ages, but that's not the whole story- things can usually be attributed to more than one thing, such as biology, the environment, your personality etc. All of those interact as well, and there's definitely a lot of things that are in your control, and even though being so angry/agressive might make you feel like you are out of control. Trying to re-establish some kind of balance by hiding your emotions will, in the long run though, spin out of control- it's ok to be angry, but in moderation and at the appropriate place/ time and expressed in a healthy way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's a difference in terms of being easily annoyed, angry, and aggressive vs. being those things but having it either interfere w/ your relationships w/ other people or put you in a spot where you no longer think that it's controllable or "normal" so to say. It's not a weakness to express your emotions- as much as society might want to pound that into the public, it's a strength. Expressing or even acknowledging your emotions doesn't equal to crying all the time or being unable to cope, it does mean that you are aware enough of what's right for you and what's not and you are able to listen to your feelings and body in order to make choices in your best interest.

I say it's worth a shot talking to someone about this, what is there to lose? Besides from the fear of having this get out of control, right?

If you want more ways to release your anger, other emotions in better ways I'm sure there's a ton of suggestions you'd be able to find if you look in the right places...