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I'm so sorry LIT.
Please take support, assistance, and advice from your therapist and other services mentioned, to take whatever measure you can to protect yourself and keep yourself away from his toxicity that threatens your wellbeing.
And we hope you dont feel hesitation to keep talking through it here.
You deserve wellbeing. xx
-- Also, I don't know much about restraining orders or those requests that a person not contact you - would those make it illegal for him to contact you?
Please take support, assistance, and advice from your therapist and other services mentioned, to take whatever measure you can to protect yourself and keep yourself away from his toxicity that threatens your wellbeing.
And we hope you dont feel hesitation to keep talking through it here.
You deserve wellbeing. xx
-- Also, I don't know much about restraining orders or those requests that a person not contact you - would those make it illegal for him to contact you?
L.I.T. you don't have to answer the phone... Do you have caller ID?
He is harassing you. Write down the time and dates he calls. If he leaves a message, don't listen to it, but perhaps save it in case you have to let the police or lawyers or a court know what type of things he is saying. It doesn't matter if he isn't physically harming you. He is harming you by emotionally and psychologically abusing you. He is implying threats, and also the fact that he abused you when you were a child, these are all reasons that are perfectly sound to get a restraining order. Heck your therapist will probably put in a word to support you, if you allow/ask him.
Write down how these calls make you feel, too. It's good to process... Then share with your therapist. Write down what you want your brother to do (stop) and why (to keep you safe). Jot down all the reasons to keep yourself safe: because you deserve, it, for starters. Because everyone deserves to live their life unmolested (no pun intended)...
Super important: remember I mentioned you could get his calls blocked? You can call your phone provider... You may need to purchase a feature, or you may already have a package of features where this one is included (or you could ask if there is a feature package where you get several features for less than full price).... You don't have to say who the person is you are trying to block, you just get the feature and block him yourself. You don't have to tell your phone service who is calling you....
If you have a cell phone you can also get an app, or inside some phone settings you can actually block phone calls yourself in the settings... If you need help with anything of these things, I can do a Google search for you.
Here is an example from where I live, with my provider: Selective Call Reject - SaskTel "Selective Call Reject won't allow callers who are on your rejection list to complete a call at your phone number."
It might be called something else, but if you tell your landline phone service provider that you want to block certain people from calling, that should be all they need to know.
You would then do the blocking on your own... Sometimes when you do it from your own phone it won't work, and then you call back and all you have to tell your phone company is which number you want blocked and you already tried it yourself. You don't have to say who it is you are blocking, and they should know better than to ask as that is none of their business. In fact if someone does have the rudeness to ask you, you are within your rights to tell them it isn't any of their business, or you could say "Someone who is harassing and scaring me." They don't have a right to ask you. You are paying for the feature, that's all they need to know...
Using Selective Call Reject and Selective Call Accept - Support - SaskTel -- This shows you instructions on how you would block the number... They may be the same instructions for your landline provider, but they might be different because your service provider is different from mine. I am just giving this link as an example of what you would do. Ask the person who is giving you the feature to either explain how it is done, or ask if they can tell you if the instructions are available online or in the phone book or somewhere for you to look at.
I highly recommend doing this. I have blocked my relatives from calling. It's much more peaceful and you don't have to fear receiving calls from them/him anymore.
Hope this spurs you to action...
Even after you do this, you can go further. Although I would check with your therapist. You can also get a restraining order.... I did some research on that recently and it seems to always be free... No charge.
RESTRAINING ORDERS: most states/provinces do NOT charge to make a restraining order.
This one seems to allow you to search as per which state you are from -- http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=GE Restraining order laws are state laws and each state has different laws (also called a statute) that lay out the requirements for getting an order. A restraining order or protective order is a legal order issued by a state court which requires one person to stop harming another person. It is also sometimes called a protection order, an injunction, an order of protection, or some other similar name.
FAQ ? Restraining Orders
How To Get a Restraining Order ? Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness
"There are no fees for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A LAWYER. However, you may wish to have a lawyer, especially if your abuser has a lawyer."
A Self-Help Guide: How to make an application for a restraining order - Ministry of the Attorney General
He is harassing you. Write down the time and dates he calls. If he leaves a message, don't listen to it, but perhaps save it in case you have to let the police or lawyers or a court know what type of things he is saying. It doesn't matter if he isn't physically harming you. He is harming you by emotionally and psychologically abusing you. He is implying threats, and also the fact that he abused you when you were a child, these are all reasons that are perfectly sound to get a restraining order. Heck your therapist will probably put in a word to support you, if you allow/ask him.
Write down how these calls make you feel, too. It's good to process... Then share with your therapist. Write down what you want your brother to do (stop) and why (to keep you safe). Jot down all the reasons to keep yourself safe: because you deserve, it, for starters. Because everyone deserves to live their life unmolested (no pun intended)...
Super important: remember I mentioned you could get his calls blocked? You can call your phone provider... You may need to purchase a feature, or you may already have a package of features where this one is included (or you could ask if there is a feature package where you get several features for less than full price).... You don't have to say who the person is you are trying to block, you just get the feature and block him yourself. You don't have to tell your phone service who is calling you....
If you have a cell phone you can also get an app, or inside some phone settings you can actually block phone calls yourself in the settings... If you need help with anything of these things, I can do a Google search for you.
Here is an example from where I live, with my provider: Selective Call Reject - SaskTel "Selective Call Reject won't allow callers who are on your rejection list to complete a call at your phone number."
It might be called something else, but if you tell your landline phone service provider that you want to block certain people from calling, that should be all they need to know.
You would then do the blocking on your own... Sometimes when you do it from your own phone it won't work, and then you call back and all you have to tell your phone company is which number you want blocked and you already tried it yourself. You don't have to say who it is you are blocking, and they should know better than to ask as that is none of their business. In fact if someone does have the rudeness to ask you, you are within your rights to tell them it isn't any of their business, or you could say "Someone who is harassing and scaring me." They don't have a right to ask you. You are paying for the feature, that's all they need to know...
Using Selective Call Reject and Selective Call Accept - Support - SaskTel -- This shows you instructions on how you would block the number... They may be the same instructions for your landline provider, but they might be different because your service provider is different from mine. I am just giving this link as an example of what you would do. Ask the person who is giving you the feature to either explain how it is done, or ask if they can tell you if the instructions are available online or in the phone book or somewhere for you to look at.
I highly recommend doing this. I have blocked my relatives from calling. It's much more peaceful and you don't have to fear receiving calls from them/him anymore.
Hope this spurs you to action...
Even after you do this, you can go further. Although I would check with your therapist. You can also get a restraining order.... I did some research on that recently and it seems to always be free... No charge.
RESTRAINING ORDERS: most states/provinces do NOT charge to make a restraining order.
This one seems to allow you to search as per which state you are from -- http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Restraining%20Orders&state_code=GE Restraining order laws are state laws and each state has different laws (also called a statute) that lay out the requirements for getting an order. A restraining order or protective order is a legal order issued by a state court which requires one person to stop harming another person. It is also sometimes called a protection order, an injunction, an order of protection, or some other similar name.
FAQ ? Restraining Orders
How To Get a Restraining Order ? Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness
"There are no fees for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A LAWYER. However, you may wish to have a lawyer, especially if your abuser has a lawyer."
A Self-Help Guide: How to make an application for a restraining order - Ministry of the Attorney General
Good for you.
I know myself how strong a hold abusers have on their victims -- I cave in repeatedly because this voice inside me keeps say, "but they're family ... they wouldn't harm you because they love you."
Take small steps to take care of yourself and they will grow into bigger steps. Protect that little girl who's scared to death. Be her hero and you will find peace.
Sorry to bring this thread up again.But it's on my mind again today. Actually,it's been on my mind since yesterday.I had a hectic and stressful day and then this stuff popped back in my thoughts.
When I was in high school,as I was walking down the hallway and towards the stairs,a boy came up to me and said "your brother said I can f### you if I want to". And he said it like I didn't have a choice in the matter,he said it like he was going to do it and that it was ok because my brother said he could. I was so humiliated that I wanted to die. So humiliated that I didn't say anything at all to him. And I felt scared because I was wondering if it was really going to happen,and when and where.
I felt sick to my stomach.My brother told him he could if he wanted to!Like he had complete control over me!Like I wasn't even a person,like I was just a thing to be used and abused. Like that was how I was supposed to be treated. Like I deserved it or something!
I don't know if anyone else heard that boy say that to me,but I'm assuming people did because it was in between classes and the halls and stairs were crowded.I don't know because I didn't look up after he said it.I was too humiliated and ashamed to.
UGH! It all still makes me feel ashamed and humiliated!
I wish I had stuck up for myself.I wish I had said something to that boy instead of standing,with my head down,feeling humiliated and degraded!
When I was in high school,as I was walking down the hallway and towards the stairs,a boy came up to me and said "your brother said I can f### you if I want to". And he said it like I didn't have a choice in the matter,he said it like he was going to do it and that it was ok because my brother said he could. I was so humiliated that I wanted to die. So humiliated that I didn't say anything at all to him. And I felt scared because I was wondering if it was really going to happen,and when and where.
I felt sick to my stomach.My brother told him he could if he wanted to!Like he had complete control over me!Like I wasn't even a person,like I was just a thing to be used and abused. Like that was how I was supposed to be treated. Like I deserved it or something!
I don't know if anyone else heard that boy say that to me,but I'm assuming people did because it was in between classes and the halls and stairs were crowded.I don't know because I didn't look up after he said it.I was too humiliated and ashamed to.
UGH! It all still makes me feel ashamed and humiliated!
I wish I had stuck up for myself.I wish I had said something to that boy instead of standing,with my head down,feeling humiliated and degraded!
making_art
Member
Lost_In_Thought,
How horrible this must have been for you.....what an a....this boy was to even say something like this to you. He's the one who should feel shame and embarrassment for his behaviour. Your brother deserves to go to jail for his despicable behaviour.
You can't blame yourself for having family members who were abusive to you as a child...It was not your fault this happened to you Lost_In_Thought....It is the fault of the adults who were supposed to protect you from this.
Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it so none of this ever happened to you.
With bullies like this I think you did the best thing by walking away and ignoring him. :friends:
How horrible this must have been for you.....what an a....this boy was to even say something like this to you. He's the one who should feel shame and embarrassment for his behaviour. Your brother deserves to go to jail for his despicable behaviour.
You can't blame yourself for having family members who were abusive to you as a child...It was not your fault this happened to you Lost_In_Thought....It is the fault of the adults who were supposed to protect you from this.
Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it so none of this ever happened to you.
With bullies like this I think you did the best thing by walking away and ignoring him. :friends:
Sometimes it's hard to come back to this site at all after I have posted here. I think OMG,I can't believe I am talking about such personal things with people I don't even know. But...it does seem to help,so I keep doing it.
After I made my last post here,I started thinking about other things.Like, there was a neighbor boy that came over to meet me on the back porch. It was a regular thing that happened. I have always been ashamed of it and have felt SO horrible about myself over it. Especially since he told people at school that he could 'get some' anytime he wanted.
Up until now,I had completely forgot about the fact that my brother was the one that arranged it. He was the one that told the boy to start meeting me on the porch on specific days and times(different boy than the one that said that to me at school). I remember the first time it happened now. I was hiding in the laundry room of our house and didn't want to do it and my brother told me to(made me) go out there with him.
Now this makes sense.Now I understand why that boy at school said what he did to me. And I understand why I didn't stand up for myself.I never felt like I had a choice in the matter.My family had been doing things like that to me all along. Since I was very young. They allowed people to use and abuse me. They arranged it.They watched.Sometimes they participated.
I was doing what I was taught and told to do. It wouldn't have done any good to stand up for myself.
When I think about all of this stuff,I wish I had done so many things in a different way.I had so many chances to tell what was going on in that house and with my family. But I never told. I wish when the school called in a psychologist to talk to me after I tried to kill myself when I was 15 that I had told him everything.Maybe he would have had me removed from my home.I really thought he was going to when he said "you're just not happy in your home,are you?" I should have told him exactly why I wasn't happy there.
It really bothers me to think that there could be(are) kids out there right now going through what I went through and are afraid to tell anyone,like I was.
If someone is reading this and you're being abused,TELL someone.Don't keep quiet because you're ashamed of what's happening.DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SO THAT IT WILL STOP! No matter how you feel about yourself,YOU DON'T DESERVE IT. No matter what anyone tells you,IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
I wish I had told someone! I think my life would be totally different now if I had.
After I made my last post here,I started thinking about other things.Like, there was a neighbor boy that came over to meet me on the back porch. It was a regular thing that happened. I have always been ashamed of it and have felt SO horrible about myself over it. Especially since he told people at school that he could 'get some' anytime he wanted.
Up until now,I had completely forgot about the fact that my brother was the one that arranged it. He was the one that told the boy to start meeting me on the porch on specific days and times(different boy than the one that said that to me at school). I remember the first time it happened now. I was hiding in the laundry room of our house and didn't want to do it and my brother told me to(made me) go out there with him.
Now this makes sense.Now I understand why that boy at school said what he did to me. And I understand why I didn't stand up for myself.I never felt like I had a choice in the matter.My family had been doing things like that to me all along. Since I was very young. They allowed people to use and abuse me. They arranged it.They watched.Sometimes they participated.
I was doing what I was taught and told to do. It wouldn't have done any good to stand up for myself.
When I think about all of this stuff,I wish I had done so many things in a different way.I had so many chances to tell what was going on in that house and with my family. But I never told. I wish when the school called in a psychologist to talk to me after I tried to kill myself when I was 15 that I had told him everything.Maybe he would have had me removed from my home.I really thought he was going to when he said "you're just not happy in your home,are you?" I should have told him exactly why I wasn't happy there.
It really bothers me to think that there could be(are) kids out there right now going through what I went through and are afraid to tell anyone,like I was.
If someone is reading this and you're being abused,TELL someone.Don't keep quiet because you're ashamed of what's happening.DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO SO THAT IT WILL STOP! No matter how you feel about yourself,YOU DON'T DESERVE IT. No matter what anyone tells you,IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
I wish I had told someone! I think my life would be totally different now if I had.
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