- Thread starter sambo
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Thanks anyway your advice and help has been invaluable and will see how it goes from here
Hi All
Just a brief update. We have been visited by a psychotherapist and she has indeed seen my son in his home surroundings. She has had so far 2 sessions and at the moment is building up his trust in her and she has been monitoring his behavior etc. She feels this is going to be a fairly long process that it's not something that will be sorted over night. Equally she has spent time with the whole family to get a full picture and seems happy enough as far as the rest of the siblings are concerned. I had made 17 stay in his own room with his twin. Although he was in cot I thought this might be better than giving in fully. However the therapist seems under the impression that he would be better moved into nursery with baby brother he needs to feel that we are committed to his needs. I hope all this means something to you because I can't say with hand on heart it honestly does to me. I suppose I will have to ride to storm and wait.
Thanks
Sambo.:dontknow:
Just a brief update. We have been visited by a psychotherapist and she has indeed seen my son in his home surroundings. She has had so far 2 sessions and at the moment is building up his trust in her and she has been monitoring his behavior etc. She feels this is going to be a fairly long process that it's not something that will be sorted over night. Equally she has spent time with the whole family to get a full picture and seems happy enough as far as the rest of the siblings are concerned. I had made 17 stay in his own room with his twin. Although he was in cot I thought this might be better than giving in fully. However the therapist seems under the impression that he would be better moved into nursery with baby brother he needs to feel that we are committed to his needs. I hope all this means something to you because I can't say with hand on heart it honestly does to me. I suppose I will have to ride to storm and wait.
Thanks
Sambo.:dontknow:
Hi Steve
At the moment it's one on one with son although she has had chats with other siblings. At the moment one on one
Hi All
As of the past couple of months I thought we were getting somewhere. My sons behavior had changed and he seemed to be more private about his fantasies/fetish whatever it's called. The psychotherapist has stopped coming this past 2 weeks and I can't seem to get a hold of her. It seems though that slowly stuff is beginning to appear again. Also privacy seems to be not a concern he is worried about.
I am sick to the teeth of this and feel like now could be heading back to square 1. I don't want to have go at him it's not in me. Perhaps this could be the reason I don't know clutching at straws. Where do I go from here? If only I could find psychotherapist she maybe able to set things right.
Thanks all Sambo
As of the past couple of months I thought we were getting somewhere. My sons behavior had changed and he seemed to be more private about his fantasies/fetish whatever it's called. The psychotherapist has stopped coming this past 2 weeks and I can't seem to get a hold of her. It seems though that slowly stuff is beginning to appear again. Also privacy seems to be not a concern he is worried about.
I am sick to the teeth of this and feel like now could be heading back to square 1. I don't want to have go at him it's not in me. Perhaps this could be the reason I don't know clutching at straws. Where do I go from here? If only I could find psychotherapist she maybe able to set things right.
Thanks all Sambo
making_art
Member
Thanks for letting us know how things have been going, Sambo. I have no helpful suggestions for you. Perhaps you could let the therapist know through a phone message how things are going and your concern about how to move forward with this.
Ok Received a text message today and it seems Therapist is I.C.U. apparently. I was informed that for the immediate future Lisa (her name) will not be working and that she would be unable to make or receive calls in her condition. If the situation improves i will be informed. I replied to get better soon and wished her well.
Only thing now is that I have nothing to fall back on now. She had built up a good bond with my son. Also a great mutual trust I don't know what to do now. Just as i Thought things couldn't get any worse....
Thanks again.
Sambo
making_art
Member
Sambo, does she work with a group of other therapists? If you can't get someone else from her office to replace her until she is better then I would find another therapist ASAP. If your son bonded with her then he will bond with another therapist. Check with a youth mental health center in your area. Most mental health centers have a youth section with therapists specializing in treating youth.
Things will work out somehow....make sure you are getting some fun time in with all of your worry time.
Things will work out somehow....make sure you are getting some fun time in with all of your worry time.
Thanks again
Therapist in question was a private therapist I found. I had sought the advice of others before her and found them useless. I am not saying that she is the only one but she was certainly the best out of about 5 I contacted about my son. She seemed to have a bit more knowledge of the best way to handle the situation. But I suppose you're right. Will have to look elsewhere. Yes indeed am also having fun time with the children. It's one of the things that I love about having children they always lift your spirits no matter what kind of day you're having. Thanks again
Sambo
Please remember Sambo that you have handled this wonderfully, and with someone so caring as you keeping an eye on the situation, your son's issue has the very best chance of an overall good outcome, even if interruptions and setbacks do occur.
How frustrating that the treatment from this useful therapist got interrupted. However, perhaps now you are in a good position to know a bit what kind of person to look for again; and also your son's confidence to work with someone and express himself has possibly increased from what it was prior to seeing this lady. You may also be able to find out what he liked about her, and that may make it easier seeking out someone new.
All the best Sambo....
How frustrating that the treatment from this useful therapist got interrupted. However, perhaps now you are in a good position to know a bit what kind of person to look for again; and also your son's confidence to work with someone and express himself has possibly increased from what it was prior to seeing this lady. You may also be able to find out what he liked about her, and that may make it easier seeking out someone new.
All the best Sambo....
Hi everyone, Thanks MHealthJo for your kind words. I have had a long discussion this evening with my Son he has given me a kinda outline of what Lisa did when she had those private sessions. Apparently she let him play in the nursery, and while he was in this mode she would ask questions, these would be put to him like he was a toddler. In between these questions she would ask a more probing question. The results and the questions are unknown to me. However one of the previous visits she had spoken to me and assured me that I had been excellent in the way I had handled the situation. Also she felt that all the siblings were well mannered. I had done a good job of raising them. I still feel kicked in the teeth though I can't help it. I feel I have gone wrong somewhere with this son. I forgot to mention Lisa was aiming to get Son out into family as a baby at some of the mealtimes. She discussed this with me last time I seen her. She said that my Son felt like I was ashamed to have him in same room as us when he was little. She felt it was important to keep him part of the family unit. No matter how he looked. Or how he was dressed or perhaps that I should dress him and read him stories and make him fell not rejected for being the way he is. I myself at this point am not so sure without her guidance I feel like I have lost an arm. I also today have tried a few more therapists in the area and outside the area. So far none of which are able to help and gave me another number to try or at on point I was referred to a different country.... Don't ask?? I hope someone here has some answers and possibly logical advice to which I can make a stepping stone from.
Thanks
Sambo
Thanks
Sambo
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Is it possible that the reason your son liked this therapist is primarily that she "normalized" his behavior and acted as an advocate to have other members accept it?
That may not be the best approach over the long-term for your son...
That may not be the best approach over the long-term for your son...
What would you recommend or advise? If you had a client in a similar situation...? Do you suppress it? Explore it without normalizing? Normalize and then explore? This is such a difficult area for many to understand yet not as uncommon as many would think.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I don't know. I'm suggesting that the dad not rule out other therapists, given that this one isn't available, apparently for the foreseeable future.
If there are "empirically validated and approved" approaches to therapy for this issue, I'm not aware of them.
If there are "empirically validated and approved" approaches to therapy for this issue, I'm not aware of them.
Thanks David and Turtle,
I am today going to search other Therapist's unfortunately previous ones I tried were shall we say unhelpful. My son will not go to a therapist so therefore therapist has to come to my son. Even though I'm paying it seems like they don't want to know. Perhaps it could be that they have no qualifications or experience in this field I don't know. I will get one. However what do I do in meantime? Do I try and engage with my son and let him be a baby or do I make him stay where he is? Do I try as Lisa suggested and get him dressed and or changed and read to him? There are so many questions. Thanks again for all the help it's a comfort even knowing there is others that maybe in a similar situation?
All the best
Sambo
I am today going to search other Therapist's unfortunately previous ones I tried were shall we say unhelpful. My son will not go to a therapist so therefore therapist has to come to my son. Even though I'm paying it seems like they don't want to know. Perhaps it could be that they have no qualifications or experience in this field I don't know. I will get one. However what do I do in meantime? Do I try and engage with my son and let him be a baby or do I make him stay where he is? Do I try as Lisa suggested and get him dressed and or changed and read to him? There are so many questions. Thanks again for all the help it's a comfort even knowing there is others that maybe in a similar situation?
All the best
Sambo
Budoaiki
MVP
Sambo,
Have you been able to see any patterns to this?
For example, does he behave this way more so when he appears to be stressed or is it consistent as in there are no times when he is less inclined to behave this way. Like perhaps something else that may fill the need/desire that this might be.
You mentioned two close friends he has, are you able to talk to their parents to perhaps have them discuss the issue with their children if you are unable to approach them yourself as this may inadvertently push him away
I realize this may not be an option as it could cause friction or mistrust and it may not be easy to approach another parent about such a private issue.
Were there perhaps any common themes or topics brought up by the therapist that may be of help?
Also from a broad perspective people are unique and choose to fill wants and needs in various ways. With that said you have already stated that this is not sexual in nature however is it possible that your son's desire to be babied may be a means find affection he could receive in a relationship?
I ask this because you stated that you had asked him about his sexuality after stating he has a gay friend and a straight friend and he informed you he was straight so I wonder if he has had any girlfriends and or if he may be filling that emotional need through this behaviour?
Have you been able to see any patterns to this?
For example, does he behave this way more so when he appears to be stressed or is it consistent as in there are no times when he is less inclined to behave this way. Like perhaps something else that may fill the need/desire that this might be.
You mentioned two close friends he has, are you able to talk to their parents to perhaps have them discuss the issue with their children if you are unable to approach them yourself as this may inadvertently push him away
I realize this may not be an option as it could cause friction or mistrust and it may not be easy to approach another parent about such a private issue.
Were there perhaps any common themes or topics brought up by the therapist that may be of help?
Also from a broad perspective people are unique and choose to fill wants and needs in various ways. With that said you have already stated that this is not sexual in nature however is it possible that your son's desire to be babied may be a means find affection he could receive in a relationship?
I ask this because you stated that you had asked him about his sexuality after stating he has a gay friend and a straight friend and he informed you he was straight so I wonder if he has had any girlfriends and or if he may be filling that emotional need through this behaviour?
Wow Thanks Budoaiki.
I will answer as best I can your points. You obviously read in great detail. I was afraid that some points I made didn't come across right but seems you got the meaning. I would as you pointed out not approach other parents. I feel this is a family issue and will keep it that way if I can. He told me he wasn't interested in Girls or relationships all he wants is to be a baby again.. As far as I am aware he goes into this mode most days there appears no trigger that I am aware of in any case. The Therapist never mentioned any common themes or triggers. I don't know how much she got from him overall. She was working with him and was keen to introduce him to us all as a baby. Specifically at meal times and bed times to try and see if she could identify anything. However we didn't get that far as recent events took over. She did say that he feels like I'm shutting him out when he wants to be little. I suppose I am in a way but if she was here I probably would have allowed purely to help her perhaps I am wrong I don't know but I can't explain it properly. I don't mind what he does in private but he wants the whole deal sitting in his own highchair dressed and treated like a baby. I find this hard to cope with. Thanks again
Sambo
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Today I have located another therapist (Peter) I explained the situation to him and he said he will take on the case but it will have to wait 3 weeks. He is going on vacation. He has never come across this before. Although he knows the condition exists and is willing to help in anyway he can. He plans to do a evaluation 1st then more or less run with similar projects as Lisa was doing. Hope this makes sense. I asked him what do I do in meantime. He said if I feel like allowing my Son some of his requests by all means go ahead. As when he returns he wants to monitor the family as a unit too to see if there is any trigger there that I may not see. I don't know Any Ideas? Thanks again all
Your help is invaluable and a great comfort
Sambo
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
It sounds as though the new therapist is approaching this with an open and scientific mind. I would be encouraged by that.
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