Teenager of 17 wants to be babied?

[rdw]

It is apparent that your son and his twin are determined to show that they are making the decisions regardless of your boundaries. I am not sure what having him log in here will do as the twins appear determined to do what they are going to do. As well that could escalate the battle of wills for I'm certain there are websites promoting your sons's behaviours. I am going to repeat that I think you should find a counselor to help you sort through this, the loss of your wife and help you set boundaries so you can move this family forward.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

But of course you now have another and more urgent issue. Your twins have in effect declared war and are now openly oppositional-defiant. You're going to need to address that and draw a line in the sand.

 

[sambo]

Hi all as of yet I have been unable to do anything about the situation. I am grateful for all the replies most helpful thanks. I have since found out from the 8 year old that this is common place when I'm not here has been for weeks. I am weakened at the moment am so tired and I suppose emotional from all that has been happening. I don't know if I can keep myself elevated to higher ground. I am realising that in my pursuit to help the teens my focus has been away from giving my time and love to other children and this I must amend. So for this weekend I am leaving the subject closed to spend quality time with all the children. Then try and even myself out about more. I will keep you posted all the same. Oh and thanks for the thoughtful replies they do help.
Thanks again and take care
Sambo

 

[sambo]

Hi All.

I have had a mixed weekend it's been sort of ok. While I have spent some quality time with all the children. Been do plenty of activity together as a family. I hate to admit though that I kinda allowed my son a little concession.

He did spend time as a baby. However not with too much help from me although I turned a blind eye for this weekend and allowed him to be his little self. I dressed him and fed him I drew the line at putting his nappy on or changing him. He did open up slightly and told me a little of what he likes about being a baby. He said that it is not a sexual pleasure he doesn't get aroused when dressed this way.

He said that it's hard to explain but he likes the thought of being a baby and while he knows it's not a thing that most people would understand it's part of who he is. He also said that he he knows that he couldn't be a baby full time but would like to be some of the time. I was just listening for the most part and although I asked everything I could think of at the time to try and get into his mindset, to try and understand a bit more I not sure if I achieved that.

He did enjoy the weekend as did all the children. He did all the household chores etc that I expect all of them to do as well. It just seemed different there was no tension or angst from any of us.

Was I wrong to go that extra mile I don't know but it certainly helped make us all one if that make any sense?

I hate the thought of arguments and rows where I feel that I have to get away to blow my fuse in private.

In all this weekend so far everyone seems happy and not one cross word from any direction.

I hope this reads ok I have just rushed it through before children get up this morning. Will try and update properly later.

Thanks again and take care

Sambo.

 

[sambo]

Hi All.
I maybe getting somewhere...
I have made a deal of sorts with my Son. He has said he will go with me to see a psychiatrist. I have explained that who ever he sees will not be able to make him do something that he doesn't want to do. We are going on the understanding that it's purely to get some help with this fantasy/fetish whatever it is. To get answers my Son has agreed to go only on this condition.
I used the situation from the weekend and since by allowing his little side out and be a baby. He was treated as such in every possible way and had none of his privileges that he would normally take for granted. I banned his phone and computer and made strict bedtime rules with only being allowed to watch childrens tv before bed and my participation came at a price. I admit that I sold myself to the devil but in the end thought it might be for the greater good. I hope you understand my reasoning.
I am aware it was probably not the best idea I have ever had but I had no other avenue open to me at the time, especially after finding out that my Son has been carrying on this way for some time while I have been out or otherwise engaged.
I have also said that if he wants these sessions private then that is his right. I feel that although I have been a little sly in my getting around him that hopefully it will pay off in the long run. I stuck to my agreement so he will his now.
So here's hoping and will keep you updated when I have information
Thanks all and I do appreciate all the helpful advice although some of it I didn't follow recently in the hope of getting a quick fix.
Hopefully now things may start to improve
Thanks
Sambo..

 

[MHealthJo]

Best wishes and I am glad youve been able to set up an appointment for him as well as spend time with them all.

 

[sambo]

Best wishes and I am glad youve been able to set up an appointment for him as well as spend time with them all.

Thanks MHealthJo The support I have had in here is amazing and non judgmental. I am glad that I have had such great advice from all in here and will try and keep you posted on any outcome and also further advice if required. We have the appointment set up for this Friday at 4pm so hopefully I will start making progress from that point on.. Here's hoping anyway.
Thanks again
Sambo.

 

[sambo]

Hi all .
We have today been to the psychologist. He started by interviewing both of us together. Then he spoke to my Son in private. The whole session lasted about 11/2hours. To sum it up he said that my son’s fetish is although unusual it’s not unheard of. He compared this fetish as something along the lines of a cross dresser or something of that ilk. He said although he’s not saying that it’s the same it has got parallels with this sort of thing.
He is taking the case on but he said that to have any hope of getting somewhere my son would have to 1st of all admit that he has a problem. Also between this visit and next he wants me to keep a diary/journal . He wants to know exactly what my son is doing, when he is doing it and how. We are to continue as we were for this week at least . Allowing my son to be his little self. Also what clothes he is wearing. He did say that any participation on my part would be up to me but only as long as . I also know my son has something similar to do he is to document what he is doing and how he is feeling at the time. He has a sheets with multiple choice answers on it. I think this approach is different and seems a bit more informed.
Next week appointment at same time and he evaluate more at that stage. He said he may at some point further down the line want to interview the other sons but not at this point. My son hasn’t told me much of what was said in his interview. I haven’t asked.
So here’s hoping to a more successful outcome. We were only home about 40 minutes before my Son decided he wanted to be his little self again. At the moment he is still his little self I haven't said anything but have been making notes. Let me know what you think to this new approach.
Thanks again take care
Sambo

 

[W00BY]

I think your doing the right thing and time will tell if this approach is of use to you...

Hopefully your son may gain some insight into the external effects his behavior has on the rest of his family but that may not happen for a while...teenagers are a different breed

hopefully it is a phase and that if there are underlying issues he will eventually be able to speak about them

I don't know of anyone that I personally know of that could have handled this situation better than you are and I hope the sessions get the best out of your son

 

[sambo]

I think your doing the right thing and time will tell if this approach is of use to you...

Hopefully your son may gain some insight into the external effects his behavior has on the rest of his family but that may not happen for a while...teenagers are a different breed

hopefully it is a phase and that if there are underlying issues he will eventually be able to speak about them

I don't know of anyone that I personally know of that could have handled this situation better than you are and I hope the sessions get the best out of your son

Hi Wooby
Thanks for your kind words. It is a comfort to know that I am doing something right. My Son is at present in his little mode. I have been making notes non stop. As he is also filling out his questionnaires. I hope this psychiatrist can make some sense of this. I cleaned, dressed and fed him earlier with the help of the other boys. I suppose the only reason I went along with it is because I am hoping that an end is in sight. As you say it will probably be a long way off. The psychiatrist did say this wasn't going to happen overnight and this is not a disease that the other children will catch. So if they are helping don't be cross with them just supervise and make notes all the time. His reactions, etc to be listed.
Thanks again to all
Take care
Sambo

 

[sambo]

Hi all.
Although my son has been his little self since we returned from psychiatrist. I have noticed his mood has changed from one of being grouchy (the only way I can describe it) to very happy and content. There have been no cross words from either of the teens. Certainly no word of him moving out since. I prefer this mood it does help to make life easier. I am still making notes. I can't wait to see how the psychiatrist handles this situation. That being said I am curious to know what the underlying cause is and how he is going to be cured of this. I am finding it easier to deal with while he is happy. I can keep my cool a lot better too. I hate conflict. My children are all my world and I would and do everything I can to help them through life. Thanks again for being so understanding and helpful and I hope that one day I'll be posting here to say my son is now become an adult. Time will tell in the meantime take care all.
Sambo.

 

[sambo]

Hi All.
Just let you know my family are all getting on well. Today reading through my Son's multiple choice answers. He showed them to me earlier. Basically at certain points of his day like when he's being fed, dressed etc. It asks him how he feels on a scale from 1 being unhappy to 6 being happiest he has all of them ticked nearly at 6 for every event or situation. With the odd exception at 1 or 2 where he can add or input his thoughts as to where it can be improved, however i didn't see his answers to this if there are indeed any. I am hoping that this of some use to psychologist.
Only 2 days more till 2nd visit.
Take care all
Sambo.

 

[sambo]

Hi All
We were at the psychiatrist again this evening. Duration 2 hours he was impressed with the journal and the notes made by both of us. The psychiatrist wants us to come in next week with some of the things that say Baby to my son. If there is any favourites bring them in if not take photos of the item(s) for use during the next session. The psychiatrist has said that this treatment for my son is going to be a long uphill struggle. He has also said that he may not be able cure him 100%. He will try though. He said even to get my son to keep his little side private. Which in itself seems great to me would be a bonus and a step in the right direction. He also said not to expect miracles and definitely not to try and rush this. He reading through the notes that it may be like some kind of emotional crutch thing going on or possibly like a place he goes where he can feel like he has no cares or and all his needs are taken care of by another. I hope this makes sense I am typing it as I remember what was said to me. My Son had his session in private which lasted for 1 hour I have no clue as to what was said to him in there. If my son wants to tell me he will. I have been told that allowing my son his little side is not unhelpful to this treatment as it allows the both of us to make detailed notes of what is happening and possibly what triggers there are. The psychiatrist was surprised that I was able to help my son this far as many a parent would have either given up, kicked him out or just reused to acknowledge his problem. He said that he is also proud of that fact my Son opened up to me in the 1st place showing the good relationship and bond I have for my children. I think that more or less covers todays events.
Take care all
Sambo..

 

[sambo]

Hi all we were back with the psychiatrist today with photos and items that my Son regards as his baby items. These are the items that make him think baby when he uses or sees them (trigger items). The session lasted 1 1/2 hours the psychiatrist was mainly interested in seeing my son this time. He did have a brief chat with me at the start just to find out how things were going. I told him that my son went most of this week as his big self and that not once did he mention his little side. Although as asked I did keep a journal. Yesterday he was back as his little again. I am not angry anymore just relieved he's getting help and advice. The psychiatrist is going to make a home visit during the week and see us as a whole family unit to see the interaction between all of us together. He said he may do this a few times as well as the weekly sessions on a Friday. The psychiatrist is happy overall with all the journal and my Sons participation also. He did say that my son had answered all his questionnaires very truthfully and that he couldn't discuss the answers or questions with me as a confidentially issue between my son and the psychiatrist. He did say though that I have done everything that any good parent would have done and not to be ashamed of the way my son is. For the moment though just more noting everything in the journal and make note of any slight alterations to my sons behavior however small or insignificant it may seem.
That's about it for the moment.
Take care all
Sambo

 

[forgetmenot]

I am glad to hear you and your son are getting the support you need at this time. Your psychiatrist makes home calls wow what a great psychiatrist

 

[sambo]

I am glad to hear you and your son are getting the support you need at this time. Your psychiatrist makes home calls wow what a great psychiatrist

Hi forgetmenot
Yes indeed this one does but only 1 home visit first apparently to get a home perspective on the situation. Other than that still have appointment for next fri at same time

 

[sambo]

Hi All
We had our visit from the psychiatrist today. He didn't say too much he took notes and made a few observations. He spoke a little to my son in private. My Son was dressed as his little self when psychiatrist turned up. He claims he didn't know that the psychiatrist was calling today. The psychiatrist told me he was happy with the family unit as a whole. He told me that we are doing everything as right as to be expected in this situation. He is going to try from this Friday withdrawing one or two items from my Son's trigger items to see if he can cope without them although only small items. Then after a couple of weeks withdraw some more.
Take care all
Sambo

 

[sambo]

Hi all.
We were at the psychiatrist again today. He was happy enough not to need anymore home visits for the moment. He had a private session with my Son and has given us both more assignments in the form of multiple choice questions. He said that if we feel we need to add anything to the questions as thoughts or opinions then to add them as we go along. I am told to still keep a detailed journal I am also to highlight things he doesn't like about being his little self. We couldn't get him to surrender anything from his trigger items. Psychiatrist said that maybe too optimistic but will keep trying. We also have to make a family weekend all of us together, whether playing football board games lego. We also have to do a treasure hunt about my property where stuff is hidden and clues as to the whereabouts of such items, The more cryptic the clues the better. The psychiatrist said if my Son is is little self don't worry and not to make an issue of it. Just play along and try to engage him where possible in the activities and keep him occupied to see if he forgets and joins in as his bigger side.. I can't remember how it was said but that is more or less the bones of it.
Keep well all
Sambo

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think you've finally found someone who knows what he's doing.

 

[sambo]

I think you've finally found someone who knows what he's doing.

Hi David.
Thanks again your opinion means a lot. I know this is going to be an uphill battle with a very slow progress I have to be patient. I am learning this now.
I still find it very hard and somewhat gut wrenching when I see my son dressed this way. Although I try to ignore it best I can if that makes sense. I plan this weekend to do treasure hunt thing with the whole family. I am not finding it as difficult as I was with my son I suppose it's because I can see an end of sorts in sight all be it a long way off,.
Thanks again
Take care
Sambo