Thinking about suicide. What to do?

[Retired]

my parents ... they were sorry too and they told me to move on

Sadly, many people have difficulty providing sympathetic support to someone in crisis, even when it's a member of the family. I'm sorry you received an answer like that, because when we are grieving or feel depressed, we can't "just snap out of it" and "move on".

We need time to deal with the emotions of loss, and with support and sometimes therapy, we can find ways to deal with our depressed mood.

I cannot recall what you told us, Cobra...are you currently being treated for mood disorders separate from the grief you feel for your recent loss?

If you continue having thoughts of suicide, you must connect with a local crisis help line. These are people trained to help you find the resourced you need locally in Houston, and might be worth your while to call to find out what's available for you in your area.

Here are two resources for you to check out:

Texas Suicide & Crisis Hotlines - When You Feel You Can't Go On... Call a Suicide Hotline. / SuicideHotlines.com - Direction for immediate crisis intervention for the gravely suicidal & treatment for major clinical suicidal depression.

Crisis Intervention of Houston, 24/7 crisis hotline, confidential, anonymous, 713-HOTLINE

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you, that helped, I'm really trying to remember my friend in happy way, but it's so hard. I will do what you say and I really hope that it will help.

 

[Retired]

Many if not most of us has had to deal with one kind of overwhelming tragedy in our lives; and although at the time it seemed insurmountable, thankfully with the help and support of kind people around us, we eventually found ways to get through.

It may not be easy, and may take time, but during these times of emotional hardship, it's important to continue reaching out for support from people willing to help.

It's encouraging to hear your commitment to look forward, Cobra. As has been said, the memory of your friend will stay alive with you, and the joy of having known this person should eventually replace (at least some of) the pain you now experience.

Cobra, are you currently working, studying or how do you occupy your time?

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you. No, I'm not currently working. Right after my friend died I didn't go to job for over two weeks now. I spend the most time lying on the couch and looking at my friend's pictures, what makes me even more sad. I don't think if this is the right thing to do, but I just keep doing it. Sometimes I go for a walk and I talk to my doctor. He knows that there's alot of pain in me, he knows that I'm sad and he's trying to make me feel comfortable. But I just don't know how to get things back to normal. It seems impossible.

 

[Retired]

I just don't know how to get things back to normal. It seems impossible.

It only seems impossible because of the enormity of the problem for you at this time.

What has helped me during times when a problem seems overwhelming, is to break down the problem into micro pieces, making each micro piece manageable.

I didn't go to job for over two weeks now. I spend the most time lying on the couch and looking at my friend's pictures, what makes me even more sad. I don't think if this is the right thing to do

You are correct, it's not the right thing to do, so you need to figure out a path to recovery.

Perhaps the first micro piece could be to get outside the house for a while...take one step, then the next and another until you get outside the door.

If you need food, then take it one step at a time to get to the store or restaurant to eat something.

Make a call to your place of work, to tell them you have been ill, and set a date to return to work.

Around the house, get things organized, do your laundry, press your clothes and get ready for your return to work.

Set yourself another goal to visit some friends, see a movie or go out to the park for a walk.

In other words, set yourself a few manageable goals, a time table and gradually get back into your usual routine.

Work with your doctor to manage your symptoms, and start taking back control of your life schedule.

Does that sound like it might work for you?

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you very much. Yes, it sounds that it may work. I sometimes go for a short walk but every time I see my friend's picture it makes me cry. I will call in my job and say that I am ill, thank you for that advice. I'm really trying to get the things straight but just a single piece of memory returns my sadness back. And it seems that it will never stop. I just don't know how to live without my friend. We were friends since high school. We went everywhere together, we did almost everything together and this is why I just don't know how to do things without my friend. I will do as you said, I'll call my friends and try to go to the movies with them, but I'm afraid that just a single thing that reminds me of my friend will make me sad.

 

[Retired]

I'm afraid that just a single thing that reminds me of my friend will make me sad.

And this is a normal reaction, however, in order to go on with your own life, it might help, when you think of your friend, to focus on why you loved that person, and why that person made you feel good. So, by focusing on the what made you happy to be with your friend, you can start building your memories of your friend that you can cherish the rest of your life.

The sadness will remain, but can become manageable by focusing on the good memories.

You sound like you are making progress...little by little and every bit of progress is good.

Keep the conversation going, to keep us posted on your progress.

 

[forgetmenot]

I don't know hun but for me I had to put the picture aside and not look at it because it only brought out so much pain but that is me I would concentrate on things that bring you joy hun ok

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you for the answers. But the problem is that if I will remember the good memory of my friend it will make me sad again. I was talking with my doctor again yesterday and he told me to try and imagine as my friend would be still here. Is this right or not?

 

[forgetmenot]

Perhaps your doctor was trying to say is imagine what you and your friend would do to bring both of you joy.

You can talk to your friend although he is not physically present he is with you still inside your memory you can share the joy with him

It is hard when you lose someone you care for hun and it will take time and i do hope you are able to share with others your memories of your friend

It will get easier hun but right now what you are feeling is normal it is painful but how else can it be
You hun try to do something for YOU ok each day that will bring you comfort and care.

Imagine what would your friend and you be doing and do it hun in memory of your friend.

Also hun if you get outside do some sport skiing whatever hun keep your mind busy ok active be active do not sit inside all day hun

The only way i got through was to keep so busy my mind did not have time to go to the sadness

I am sorry hun in time hun give it time ok you will be ok you will hugs

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you, I will try. I already took a ride with a bike, but I only came to the end of the street. The only problem is that I did the most of sports together with my friend. I took a few walks, I went to the movies, and it really helped a little. But I just cannot stop looking at the pictures of my friend and me. I had a little conversation with my parents too. They told me, that I will find another friend, but I just know that nobody can replace the old one. I will try to keep myself busy and not to sit down all day even though that this is almost the only thing I do since my friend died. My other friends are visiting me every third day and the make a little more happy. But when they go away, I become sad again. I'll try to do something. If I would stop thinking about my friend, would it help to remove the sadness. (But it will be very hard.)

---------- Post Merged at 08:36 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:35 PM ----------

The last sentence was a question: If I would stop thinking about my friend would it help to remove the sadness?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The last sentence was a question: If I would stop thinking about my friend would it help to remove the sadness?

For a while, if you could do that successfully. But grief doesn't just go away. It needs to be experienced and processed. You can delay it until you feel more ready but you can't avoid it.

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you. I will try not to think about my friend, but it's gonna be hard. The problem is that my room is filled with photos of him and often my friends are saying me, that they are sorry. But there is another problem. My friend was the only person who was with me almost all the time. Now I'm alone for the most time. It's true, my friends are visiting me, but only few times per week and first time in my life I will be really alone. That was one of the reasons that I was thinking about a suicide. The other reason was, that I did everything with my friend and he taught me a lot of things, he was always friendly with me, we went everywhere together and this is why I just don't know how to keep living without him.

 

[Retired]

Cobra,

Your friends who visit you are your source of local support, and you need to be reaching out to these friends to help you through your grief.

That being said, you need to come to the realization that suicide is not the appropriate response to grief. The normal pattern of life takes people away from us, but also introduces new people into our lives.

While it is never expected that a new friend or acquaintance can ever replace someone we have lost, it is possible to form another relationship that can fill a void in our life. The fond memory of the person who has passed will always remain, and will be an important part of your life, but by looking to the future, you can look forward to making new friends and possibly forming a new relationship.

Suicide is not the answer to this problem you currently face, and is never a solution.

There are many options available to you, and it is your responsibility to your friend who has passed as well as to yourself to explore these options.

 

[MHealthJo]

Yes Cobra... It is okay to really really miss your friend, to remember him, to feel a great sadness during this time, and to always remember how special he was.

But just try to be careful in trying not to believe that your life is over, and that later you cannot find special friendships and relationships again. Your heart is filled with sadness, but those things are not true.

In time, your friend would have wanted to see you remembering that life is NOT over... that you have had a great loss, and your heart will grieve....but in time you will find more special closeness and friendship with other people...

Grief is a terribly sad and difficult time.... but your friend would want you to try to remember that this is not the end of you, or of special and really good things in your life. Those things will come again. xx

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you all. I will try to have a new friendship and hope that I will be able to do this. You are right that my friend would want for me to live and remember him as a happy person. Once, when he was alive he told me, that friendship is the strongest thing ever. And that nothing can ever change that. I will try to find a new friend but I know and think that nobody can fully replace the old one. I went to the doctor another time. He told me that I must try and think about my other friend for a while. It's so hard and...I miss my friend so much. He was practically everything to me. Sorry, I already described him. Well, I just can't seem to handle that he's gone forever. Please is there anything that I can do to get out of depression. Because I don't know how to live without him.

 

[Retired]

is there anything that I can do to get out of depression.

Your doctor is your best resource to provide you with treatment options to deal with the way you are currently feeling.

In your conversations with the doctor, was anything ever discussed about ways you could deal with your feelings?

Are you receiving any treatment or taking any medications for mood disorders?

 

[Cobra 6]

No, the doctor didn't give me any medications. We were only talking. He told me that I need to forget about my friend for a little while and start to make new friendships. Is that a right thing to do? (Maybe I already asked that but I'm sorry I'm really confused and sad now.)

 

[forgetmenot]

Hun put the pictures away for awhile ok in your drawer and start to concentrate on you Staying focus on the here and now hun the present ok keep yourself busy hun get involved into sports or other programs that will bring you new connections when you are stronger as said then you can bring back the pictures but for now they just overwhelm you

 

[Cobra 6]

Thank you, I will try but the problem is, me and my friend did everything together sports too so when I try some sports it will remind on my friend. I went for a short ride with a bikes with my other friend. She tried to beg me up but it didn't help. It seems as everything would turn into black. I didn't smile for a long time now. I tried with a lot of things, the doctor is really trying to help me, you are all helping me, but I just...I loved my friend so much and he loved me. Thank you, I will try with some small sports, I hope that it will help...