Tough Time

[Into The Light]

healthbound i am glad you are making progress, that is good news to hear. one day at a time, right?

i hope working on your sister's domain and website helps you. i think it probably will. many people dedicate websites to their loved ones as a means of remembering them. maybe you in time can write stories about her, the things that made you love her so much. just a thought.

take care :hug:

 

[healthbound]

Thanks Phoenix and baseballcap. Sorry I didn't reply sooner...I'm not getting e-mail notifications for some reason.

I just created one page and felt good that I completed it by the end of National Suicide Prevention Day. It felt good to post some pictures of her and write something very brief. I think it will be a project that I can contribute to a little at a time. It's a nice way for me to actively remember her.

Things have been going better. I have noticed that I'm thinking about my future again. I've also noticed that I've been feeling less hopeless and helpless. I've even been interested in participating in activities that will contribute to potential future projects which is a very good sign.

On the other hand, I'm still engaging in some pretty self destructive behaviors. It seems like I'm still experiencing extremes, but the extremes are more active rather than passive. I feel more alive and am interested in life again which makes me believe that I'm definitely coming out of my depression, but on the other hand I have been getting very strong impulse cravings to get drunk, have sex, over-eat and engage in other erratic behaviors (I put a deposit (refundable, thank God) on a truck and almost got a tattoo). I'm not sure if those impulse cravings are because I'm trying to escape the work I'm doing in therapy right now or maybe even because I'm so happy to finally feel alive again.

I realize the thoughts and behaviors are somewhat indicative of being manic or alcoholic, but I've never been diagnosed as manic and I'm not sure I subscribe to only being "addicted" to alcohol (ie: I have the same pattern or behaviors around other things). Any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated.

 

[Into The Light]

hi healthbound i am glad you were able to work on your sister's website. it sounds like it'll help you heal a lot. good work

i don't have any real feedback for the rest of your post as i don't know anything about these things. it sounds like it's a coping mechanism you have for something that's happening, maybe it is in response to the work you are doing in therapy. this is all just speculation on my part though.

maybe others have some more input?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not sure if those impulse cravings are because I'm trying to escape the work I'm doing in therapy right now or maybe even because I'm so happy to finally feel alive again.

I realize the thoughts and behaviors are somewhat indicative of being manic or alcoholic, but I've never been diagnosed as manic

The first is definitely a possibility. The second (hypomania) is also possible, even if you have not been previously diagnosed as bipolar. Have you spoken to your physician/therapist about the impulsive behaviors?

 

[Halo]

HB

When I read your post it felt like it really hit close to home and it took me a while to post a reply to really figure out what I wanted to say. I read the part about escaping the work in therapy, wanting to over-eat, get drunk etc, get a tattoo etc. and I know that feeling all too well. That is exactly what I look to do most days. I don't want to face the feelings and thoughts that I have and I tend to use whatever I can get my hands on to escape with. For me it is usually pills, food, alcohol. I am not sure if it is for the same reasons or not as mine is mostly to numb the pain from what goes round and round in my head (sometimes about things that I have talked or worked on in therapy) but also about things that I need to talk about in therapy, memories etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that I can relate to that feeling of erratic and destructive behaviours. I obviously don't have any magically solutions or answers to these feelings and behaviours but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I have very destructive behaviours also.

Take care
:hug:

 

[healthbound]

Thanks for the support and responses

I have talked to my therapist about my cravings to drink and I've also told her that while I'm feeling better (forward thinking etc), I've noticed that I'm engaging in more self destructive behaviors lately (especially the drinking). She asked me why I thought I was experiencing the increase. At the time, I thought the work around my dad was most logical. I also wondered if getting off 3 sedating medications (I'm only on effexor now) might have something to do with it too.

On a slightly different note --- I just got more blood tests back today that indicate I have hyperthyroidism. I'll see my doc. tomorrow, but maybe that has something to do with it to.

I don't know....all I know is that I've really noticed a major difference in my behaviors and impulses lately. I imagine it's probably a combination of the work I'm doing, some hypomania characteristics, getting of the sedating drugs and maybe the hyperthyroidism.

It is certainly good to be feeling more optimistically. But it's also certainly bizarre to have such strong impulses when I've been used to being so non-responsive and "dead". Even the sex drive issue is weird...as I haven't had one for so long.

Dr. B....do you have any suggestions for ways to better determine whether this is more of a hypomania or coping reaction?

Also, my therapist says I have borderline organization(?). If I'm having manic symptoms but am aware of them and am sometimes able to curb my impulses to spend money, engage in risky sex, drink etc. Is that what is considered "borderline"?

Anyway, I feel a little like Jeckle, Hyde and me. Like, 2 years ago I was on a fast track to career success, then I crashed for 2 years and now I'm feeling as self destructive as I was in my teens when I lived on the streets and did drugs and drank daily.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

On a slightly different note --- I just got more blood tests back today that indicate I have hyperthyroidism. I'll see my doc. tomorrow, but maybe that has something to do with it to.

I don't know....all I know is that I've really noticed a major difference in my behaviors and impulses lately. I imagine it's probably a combination of the work I'm doing, some hypomania characteristics, getting of the sedating drugs and maybe the hyperthyroidism.

It is certainly good to be feeling more optimistically. But it's also certainly bizarre to have such strong impulses when I've been used to being so non-responsive and "dead". Even the sex drive issue is weird...as I haven't had one for so long.

Dr. B....do you have any suggestions for ways to better determine whether this is more of a hypomania or coping reaction?

HB, if your tests are indicating hyperthyroidism, that could absolutely account for many or most of the symptoms you have described.

Hyperthyroidism can create symptoms almost indistinguishable from hypomania or, worst case scenario, mania. The good news is that it's usually not a difficult condition to treat, once it's diagnosed.

 

[ThatLady]

Ish. These symptoms could definitely be attributed to the hyperthyroid condition. Please keep us informed on what your doctor says. This may be the key to a lot of your problems, and the good news is -- it's treatable!

 

[healthbound]

Huh. Well that would make sense then. I'll definitely keep you guys posted! Thanks for the feedback!!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thread split to Tough Time Too.