hi Deb here. i am having a difficult time dealing with my strong feelings for my therapist. i have been in love with her for 5 months now. at first i thought it was just an interest of likning.then as i got to know her each time i went in for therapy, i started to develop some emotion desire. we have talked about it. and she did tell me it was called transference. which the word i never heard before, so i looked it up on-line. as now i do not think it is.i think about her most of the time, even when i am working. there will be times i will call and leave sweet messages on her voice mail. unfortunately,i have not used the i love you words yet but want too very much in sessions i look at her with temptation and want to just jump up and wrap my arms around her and kiss her.i told her i did not want to see anyone help cause i feel comfortable talking to her as she has helped with other issues.. she is so beautiful inside and outInfact i had a session with her today, but she cancelled it. so i am quite hurt.now i have to wait another week. the cancellations have been alot lately and do not understand why.. what do i do..
- Thread starter Lynnie
- Start date
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Nonetheless, that is what is happening.
If you are leaving messages on her voicemail and she is cancelling appointments with you, it may be that she is uncomfortable with your behavior and is having difficulty figuring out how to handle it.
I would suggest that you back off a bit and hope that you get a chance to discuss it with her in a session. She may suggest (or insist) that you see a different therapist if you are unable to work this out.
kiddo
Member
i see karen today. I will doll myself up and look perfect. Not that she would reciprocate even if i was the most beautiful women on earth. That is the sign of a good couselor.
What, Deb, are Lilly's boundaries like? Have you ever gotten to hug her? touch her in any way? Talk to her outside the office?
Sometimes all I want is a hug. she wont.
What, Deb, are Lilly's boundaries like? Have you ever gotten to hug her? touch her in any way? Talk to her outside the office?
Sometimes all I want is a hug. she wont.
so very very in love with my therapist i am obsessed.
hey Jan, Lilly's bounderies, and this goes for all the therapists' over there is that they are not allowed to get any closer to their client's than just client and therapist relationship. which means i can not have her home phone# or socialize outside of counseling. if she ignores her rules it could cost her losing her job, and i love her too much for her to do that. it really is a foolish thing. because we are human. and if a person loves someone. they should even be allowed to be friends with their therapists. she is married to a man. and unfortionly, she does not have the same feelings to return even if i had met her elsewhere. no she does not hug, as i gave tried to give her one, and it was only around the waste. i am so temptated to jump up and really wrap my arms around her.. and may end up kissing her. but have not cause i feel i will be pushed away or pushed out of her office for good. for approaching.. if she had the same feelings that would be a dream come true.. But as of today, i am hurt, cause i called her yesterday, for a problem and haven't returned my call. she always does. she told me that she is comfortable with my feelings, unless she really has been untruthful to me.
hey Jan, Lilly's bounderies, and this goes for all the therapists' over there is that they are not allowed to get any closer to their client's than just client and therapist relationship. which means i can not have her home phone# or socialize outside of counseling. if she ignores her rules it could cost her losing her job, and i love her too much for her to do that. it really is a foolish thing. because we are human. and if a person loves someone. they should even be allowed to be friends with their therapists. she is married to a man. and unfortionly, she does not have the same feelings to return even if i had met her elsewhere. no she does not hug, as i gave tried to give her one, and it was only around the waste. i am so temptated to jump up and really wrap my arms around her.. and may end up kissing her. but have not cause i feel i will be pushed away or pushed out of her office for good. for approaching.. if she had the same feelings that would be a dream come true.. But as of today, i am hurt, cause i called her yesterday, for a problem and haven't returned my call. she always does. she told me that she is comfortable with my feelings, unless she really has been untruthful to me.
kiddo
Member
Deb~
I only have 4 more sessions left with my karen. This weekend has been harder than usual becasue I had an amazing dream about her. We were at 6 flags togeher and ahhhh it was so perfect. I am sure you know what I mean. So now I keep thinking about the dream, totally bummed that it will never be more than a fantasy. I wouldnt even care if we didnt have a relationship...I would be perfectly happy if she would just hold me touch me be close to me. hold my hand, kiss me unromantically. Thats what she was doing in the dream and it was beautiful. until I woke up.
on our last session I am going to ask for a hug. If she does not give me one, I dont know what I will do. Might as well just die. in any event I am trying ard to deal with the fact that Karen will die to me on july 30th. Everuthing seems so hopeless for me now. I just dont know how I will get through this.
About the call...dont jump to conclusions just yet, k? Maybe she didnt have her phone or lost it, or it broke, or something like that. You never know.
I HATE THESE BOUNDARIES!!!! You are sooo right about them being foolish.
hang in there.
Jan
I only have 4 more sessions left with my karen. This weekend has been harder than usual becasue I had an amazing dream about her. We were at 6 flags togeher and ahhhh it was so perfect. I am sure you know what I mean. So now I keep thinking about the dream, totally bummed that it will never be more than a fantasy. I wouldnt even care if we didnt have a relationship...I would be perfectly happy if she would just hold me touch me be close to me. hold my hand, kiss me unromantically. Thats what she was doing in the dream and it was beautiful. until I woke up.
on our last session I am going to ask for a hug. If she does not give me one, I dont know what I will do. Might as well just die. in any event I am trying ard to deal with the fact that Karen will die to me on july 30th. Everuthing seems so hopeless for me now. I just dont know how I will get through this.
About the call...dont jump to conclusions just yet, k? Maybe she didnt have her phone or lost it, or it broke, or something like that. You never know.
I HATE THESE BOUNDARIES!!!! You are sooo right about them being foolish.
hang in there.
Jan
Is this part of transference i am going through,,?
hi this is deb i have become so attached to my therapist and this has been going on for 5 months now. i can not seemed to let go. but want too. i am in love with her and she knows it. she is comfortable with the feelings, i have for her. but last Tuesday, she thought maybe seeing another therapist would make me feel better. i told her i will think about it. Lilly had told me it was transference when my feelings first started. Now, i am going into a pattern of giving up because of the kindness and caring i was showing her. yes i understand she is my therapist. and can ONLY be my therapist. i think it is because of the hurtness i received back. Tuesday her personally did not seem as friendly as it usually has been. I have an afternoon group glass with her on Tuesdays. and asked her a question about the 12. she gave me an answer ''if you can't make it that's fine. i don't know what that meant. then i turned back around and said i will be here. i like the class it is very helpful. but if she is becoming hostile or if i am thinking she is. is there a problem with me. or is dispise approaching?? what do i do any opinions would be appreciated. thx Lynnie
hi this is deb i have become so attached to my therapist and this has been going on for 5 months now. i can not seemed to let go. but want too. i am in love with her and she knows it. she is comfortable with the feelings, i have for her. but last Tuesday, she thought maybe seeing another therapist would make me feel better. i told her i will think about it. Lilly had told me it was transference when my feelings first started. Now, i am going into a pattern of giving up because of the kindness and caring i was showing her. yes i understand she is my therapist. and can ONLY be my therapist. i think it is because of the hurtness i received back. Tuesday her personally did not seem as friendly as it usually has been. I have an afternoon group glass with her on Tuesdays. and asked her a question about the 12. she gave me an answer ''if you can't make it that's fine. i don't know what that meant. then i turned back around and said i will be here. i like the class it is very helpful. but if she is becoming hostile or if i am thinking she is. is there a problem with me. or is dispise approaching?? what do i do any opinions would be appreciated. thx Lynnie
Re: Is this part of transference i am going through,,?
Hi Lynnie;
I suspect that you are very sensitive to your therapist and are possibly over-reacting to anything she may say (or not say). I think when she said "if you can't make it that's fine" she simply meant that "if you are unable to make it, for whatever reason, it's ok and don't let that upset you."
I believe that your current therapist is right and that you would benefit a great deal from speaking with someone other then her. What would happen if you followed her advice?
Lynnie said:
Hi Lynnie;
I suspect that you are very sensitive to your therapist and are possibly over-reacting to anything she may say (or not say). I think when she said "if you can't make it that's fine" she simply meant that "if you are unable to make it, for whatever reason, it's ok and don't let that upset you."
I believe that your current therapist is right and that you would benefit a great deal from speaking with someone other then her. What would happen if you followed her advice?
transference issues/Sensitive?
Hi Lana, as far as being sensitive right now, i sure wasn't before i started my feelings towards my therapist. I just wish now it never did happen. cause i feel like i got myself into a mess. She is a great therapist and has done a marvelous job helping with my issues. I would really hate to change to another therapist, but as she said, if i cannot continue to work comfortablely with her anymore then i will need to separate from her. it made me feel even worse to hear that come out of her mouth. but i know it is for my need. as far as when she mentioned if i can't make it. that was a lack of misunderstanding as i found out today. apparently, i left a message last week on her voice mail asking if there was going to be a class on the 12th which she holds on Tues afternoon. i always look forward on going it is very helpful. she thought i said i was not going to make it. so i did not say anything today and just let it go. i am in a tough bine here. But i will tell you we are all human no matter who we fall for....
Hi Lana, as far as being sensitive right now, i sure wasn't before i started my feelings towards my therapist. I just wish now it never did happen. cause i feel like i got myself into a mess. She is a great therapist and has done a marvelous job helping with my issues. I would really hate to change to another therapist, but as she said, if i cannot continue to work comfortablely with her anymore then i will need to separate from her. it made me feel even worse to hear that come out of her mouth. but i know it is for my need. as far as when she mentioned if i can't make it. that was a lack of misunderstanding as i found out today. apparently, i left a message last week on her voice mail asking if there was going to be a class on the 12th which she holds on Tues afternoon. i always look forward on going it is very helpful. she thought i said i was not going to make it. so i did not say anything today and just let it go. i am in a tough bine here. But i will tell you we are all human no matter who we fall for....
dave owens
Member
Transference/ obsession with therapst
Hi Lynnie
I was very interested to read of your experiences with your therapist. I can empathise with you 100%!
This is exactly what happened to me - albeit male/female. However, my therapist actually said to me one day, completely out of the blue 'oh, by the way, I know you fancy me'. When I admitted that yes, I thought she was attractive she replied, 'well, I wouldn't be sexually attracted to you 'cos of the age gap'! (22 years)
Nice eh? Oh, and how about the coincidend of her changing her hairstyle the week after we'd had a caht about our preferred stereotypical sexual attractions! And, I have two photos of her.
I could go on - no, she didn't refer me to a another therapist, even when I told her that I'd like to go to bed with her and make love to her!
By the way, its now six years ago since I last saw her!
If you'd like to chat with me further, and if anyone has any comments, please fel free.
Regards
Phelge
Hi Lynnie
I was very interested to read of your experiences with your therapist. I can empathise with you 100%!
This is exactly what happened to me - albeit male/female. However, my therapist actually said to me one day, completely out of the blue 'oh, by the way, I know you fancy me'. When I admitted that yes, I thought she was attractive she replied, 'well, I wouldn't be sexually attracted to you 'cos of the age gap'! (22 years)
Nice eh? Oh, and how about the coincidend of her changing her hairstyle the week after we'd had a caht about our preferred stereotypical sexual attractions! And, I have two photos of her.
I could go on - no, she didn't refer me to a another therapist, even when I told her that I'd like to go to bed with her and make love to her!
By the way, its now six years ago since I last saw her!
If you'd like to chat with me further, and if anyone has any comments, please fel free.
Regards
Phelge
sunset
Member
Even though this is an old post, I still want to respond....
Lynnie, have you found a new therapist or are you still with the one you like?
I have read the whole thread and I agree with Dr Baxter that it is indeed a transference issue. Of course thats only my take on it from what I have read.
I wonder if you are with a new therapist, are you developing the same kind of feelings you had with your last therapist? I would be very interested to know that.
I can see why your therapist may be uncomfortable in continueing sessions knowing how you feel about her, and may not be able to "do her job" because of that.
I am attached to my therapist, but its transference, which I recently just learned about myself. He is the "father figure" I crave, and have a pattern of doing this.
He is many things to me... of course a therapist who is helping me, a father figure, a person whom I found I can trust and talk about things that I have never talked to another person about.
I do care about him very much (not in a sexual way) but as a person. I know my boundaries although I know its not ethical for him to socialize with me other than therapy, but I do feel like he is a friend. He is my "go to" person in times of need and he does his best for me as any good professional would do.
I know its hard to keep feelings in check, but it is necessary for all parties involved, or therapy would not be a benefit to you or me.
Dave owens... What I wrote probably applies to you as well. Are you seeing an new therapist Dave? How is it going?
WOW! I cant believe how you came right out and said you loved her and wanted to make love to her! I am guessing they are trained to deal with things like that.
You also mentioned you havent seen her for 6 yrs now, so what happened? Do you still think of her all the time?
Thats about all I have to say right now.. Will look for replies!
Take care.
Lynnie, have you found a new therapist or are you still with the one you like?
I have read the whole thread and I agree with Dr Baxter that it is indeed a transference issue. Of course thats only my take on it from what I have read.
I wonder if you are with a new therapist, are you developing the same kind of feelings you had with your last therapist? I would be very interested to know that.
I can see why your therapist may be uncomfortable in continueing sessions knowing how you feel about her, and may not be able to "do her job" because of that.
I am attached to my therapist, but its transference, which I recently just learned about myself. He is the "father figure" I crave, and have a pattern of doing this.
He is many things to me... of course a therapist who is helping me, a father figure, a person whom I found I can trust and talk about things that I have never talked to another person about.
I do care about him very much (not in a sexual way) but as a person. I know my boundaries although I know its not ethical for him to socialize with me other than therapy, but I do feel like he is a friend. He is my "go to" person in times of need and he does his best for me as any good professional would do.
I know its hard to keep feelings in check, but it is necessary for all parties involved, or therapy would not be a benefit to you or me.
Dave owens... What I wrote probably applies to you as well. Are you seeing an new therapist Dave? How is it going?
WOW! I cant believe how you came right out and said you loved her and wanted to make love to her! I am guessing they are trained to deal with things like that.
You also mentioned you havent seen her for 6 yrs now, so what happened? Do you still think of her all the time?
Thats about all I have to say right now.. Will look for replies!
Take care.
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