More threads by cherrybomb769

Here is my situation: I have a 4 yo daughter who since shortly after birth her and I started living with my mom. I went back to work when she was 6 months and worked regularly and always had my mom as my daughters primary care taker when I was gone (daughters father unrealiable to take care of her since hes been more absent in her life than presant.) A couple years later I started dating someone and moved in with them letting my daughter live primarily with my mom due to me working and the close bond they shared, however my daughter still came to stay with me on and off, etc. I became pregnant and the month she turned 4 (two months before I was due) she came to live with myself and my fiance full-time, still having visits to my mom as wanted.
Like most grandparents my mom "spoils" my daughter, ie: dosent really enforce rules, lets her talk back, still feeds her, sees a bruise on my daughter and thinks abuse because shes a girl and cant get hurt even from play, and so on. My daughter dose not get away with much in my house. Unless, she is around my mom then she dosent listen to a single word I say or when my fiance re-enforces what I say. She will try to swing and goes as far as talking like a baby (her speech is very excelled) as well as she refuses to let my mom have anything to do with her brother but anybody can interact with the baby including herself with no problem, just not my mom.
Well, my daughter went to my moms for a weekend and I got a disturbing phone call that my mom asked my daughter if anybody had sexually touched her. She said my fiance had. Child Protective Services became involved and my daughter stayed down at my moms house till we could figure out what was going on. Heres the thing, we gave my fiance a lie detector test, (professinal polygraph) that C.P.S. suggested we did and, my fiance passed. He was proven innocent of never touching my daughter in any inappropriate way. I relayed the info to my mom and my mom still believes my daughter. Not to mention my mom has asked my daughter a few times as well as C.P.S. asking my daughter and the doctors if the molestation took place with my daughter answering yes but with inconsistances in her stories.
Im stuggling trying to figure out if a 4 yo would be capable of coming up with such an accusation all on her own or if she would have to be influenced. Ive also heard that she could have possibly came up with the story because of my mom asking her all the time if anybody touched her privates (my mom is paranoid about that) and since my daughter and my mom dont really like my fiance since hes an authority figure to her if she could have put the two together? Its driving me crazy because since the accusation took place she has been around myself and my fiance and has acted fine not like a child would if one had been traumatized in my opinion. Her only behavior change still being that of being completly misbehaven when my mom is around or as far as refusing to talk to me on the phone when I call my moms house to talk to her.
I am so lost and would appreciate any advice anybody has to offer, keeping in mind my fiance did pass a professional polygraph and is innocent of the accusations. Sorry for the length of the question, I just need opinions please. Thanks.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I think the primary question here is: Could repeatedly questioning a young child about whether or not there had been inappropriate sexual touching eventually cause that child to report that such inappropriate touching had occurred when in fact it had not?

The answer is: Certainly. Young children are eager to please and if the questions are asked (repeatedly) in such a way that suggest to the child that the adult is looking for the answer to be "yes", that's just what the answer will be.

I am not, of course, saying that a child who reports inappropriate sexual touhcing is necessarily lying. What I am saying is that how that information is disclosed is critical.

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