Body image issue

[witsend]

Dr. Baxter,

Thanks! You really gave me some points to ponder, from a perspective which I haven't really thought of---OR been told about. However, the part about what I created and agonizing over it, I beg to differ....it is only what I detest about me and see not one, not two, but everyone else have. In summation, in a perfect world---I'd want to look like...Ummm...Lou Ferrigno or maybe Arnold S......but, since we do not live in a perfect world...I would choose.........ANYONE BUT ME. That is the truth! In closing, I again, would like to sincerely thank you; while also reminding you that you are a true credit to your profession and to mankind in general sir!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thank you for your kind words, witsend. I hope what I suggested helps you to find some peace....

 

[clueless]

I have not met one person on my travels who has liked every single aspect of themselves. I think thank goodness we were not created all the same. It would be something boring and how would you know who you were related too if no one had their own identity. I have battled with my wieght all my life, more so in the latter part of my life and recently because my two children are 20 months apart so my body never recovered. There are days when I think, hmmm you are not looking too bad and others that I want to avoid mirrors at all costs. I also know though that one days when I am ready and the weather co operates I will back to where I am. Until then I am thank ful that I wake up in the morning and I am able to put both my feet on the ground.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

recently because my two children are 20 months apart so my body never recovered

Children have a way of doing that even if you're not the parent who has to gestate and give birth to them...

I frequently tell mine that before I had kids I had no grey hair, great eyesight and hearing, and a lean mean fighting machine for a body... and look at me now! ;o)

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Tsk,
Come on now Dr. Baxter! I'm sure you still beautiful! I think you'r probably maturing gracefully!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

^^Phoenix^^ is right )

Now, where did I put those Jack Smalley tapes...

 

[witsend]

Thanks Clueless!

Thanks for taking the time to post! BUT--you missed my whole point entirely...."I'D MUCH RATHER HAVE NO IDENTITY OR TO HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN-THAN TO LOOK AND FEEL LIKE THIS." You mentioned creation, yes---I'm doing my part there...for I decided at a very young age that I never wanted children!!! DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND me here now, I love kids...BUT--passing on poor genetics should constitute as child abuse....I love my parents...too bad they were not thinking what I do--then, I would not be here to begin with and suffer as I do on a daily basis! I lay in bed every night, wishing/hoping and even praying that "today" will be my last day in torment. All that keeps me going is knowing, one day (or night) it can and will END!! (Whether it is my choice or fates.) At least you have days where you gain a measure of self-acceptance and I commend you for that! Personally, I've never felt a full minute of such....

 

[Lost]

Witsend, have you ever seen people with amputated limbs?

Or people with Downs Syndrome.

Are you sure you'd want to be ANYONE but you...? You sure that you're the worst off in the whole world...?

And another thing: If you believe in god, what type of god are you believing in...? Since when did god say that all men were created equal?
And what about your personality? lets stop talking about looks for a minute! You sound like a really intelligent, bright person.
(have you ever met any slow people...? would you rather be good looking and stupid...?!?)

Ijust realised that you last posted this a long time ago... if you get to read this I hope you're feeling better these days...?

 

[witsend]

Hey Lost!

Thanks for taking the time to post.
Yeah...I know what you are saying...I should count my blessings....still...it seems to unfair...and down right embarassing!!!

Sure...my Father lost a leg....and that is not an easy thing to deal with
Ditto for the individuals with Down's SYndrome

This world in which we live can be so cruel and unfair to some...while abundantly blessing so, so many more!! To make life more fair..."we" should determine our own physical characteristics prior to birth...LOL...I know...that is impossible...but think about it....Most births are UNPLANNED...or at least a high percentage are.

I am not feeling any better...or worse...(which would be impossible)...I have just "treaded water" so to speak......Stay in touch my friend

 

[ThatLady]

Witsend, I gotta question...

What is it about your looks that bothers you so much? Not everyone can be Brad Pitt or Sophia Loren. Some of us have to be just sorta ordinary. That would include MOST of us, come to think of it. I have the worst legs ever wrought on a human being. I will not wear a bathing suit, or shorts, for fear of causing a stampede in the opposite direction! In other words, if you ask 100 people, each will find something wrong with them,and most will find more than a little wrong with them.

I can guarantee you I don't judge anyone by looks alone. Their personality and what they have to offer as a thinking, feeling human being have far more meaning to me. There are those who are shallow enough to go strictly by appearances, but I don't really want them as friends, anyhow. They don't have enough intellectual depth to interest me, to tell you the truth.

I've found a smile, a kind word, and a helpful gesture have gotten me further in the world than my looks. I'm considered an attrative woman (as long as I keep those legs covered up), yet that isn't what makes me enjoyable company. I really believe that most of my friends and acquaintances are far more interested in what I have to say, or what we can share, than what I have to show them on the outside. Try to work on your presentation from the standpoint of who you are, not what you look like. I really believe you'll see a difference in how you're viewed, hon.

 

[Lost]

I just wanna say - I'm probably one of those people who you'd think - she's so blessed, gods given her everything... where's the equality etc... But you should know I put on a show for most of the world, and I've gone thru periods when my life's been complete hell and worse... still keeping that chin up and the fake "I've-got-it-all!" attitude for the rest of the world...
..."I'm tired of livin'
And scared of dyin'..."
is how i felt for a mighty long time.. and still occasionally do still feel that way.

I remember when first hearing about the legendary Marylin Monroe, watching her films, and then hearing about how she committed suicide - and I remember being completely baffled - how and why?!?? and of all people her?!? Then I became a teenager, developed, became successful, etc, and then I understood.
We look at people like Marylin Monroe - gorgeous, talented, famous, etc... and we have no idea of whats really going on inside. She committed suicide... so her life must have been pretty miserable despite the looks and everthing else...

So basically, I'm trying to say that the world can be cruel to many people in many different ways, and don't be too quick to think that others have the perfect life, coz tho things may appear so from afar, more often than not you'll find everyone's got their problems... It's easier when you reallyopen your eyes to the problems other people around us have, and see the pain and suffering of so many others, and then you see - you're not alone. And actually, you're better off than some...

Another thing Witsend - I dunno what you look like, but sounds like you've got a great sense of humor!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Very good points, Lost.

 

[Lost]

I should add: I also used to look at a select few and just wish I could be in their shoes... and one of the people I was so jealous of has developed this major eating problem since she was around 18, so she's very limited with what she eats otherwise she gets terribly ill.. so she's still gorgeous and talented etc.. but when she just NEEDS to eat those chocolates she absolutly cannot - or she'll seriously suffer... and for that alone I'm grateful that I can just pig out when I need to. ?She misses out on tons of food - stuff that I ABSOLUTELY LIVE FOR AND RELY ON and I thank god that I don't have that illness, and I can just eat as recklessly as i want and need...

(ironically if she knew about my eating disorder, she'd probably be thankful that she didn't have it, and instead thankful that she doesn't have such overwhelming urges to binge on food etc...)

another girl I used to be really jealous of got pregnant - and her whole face and body blew up, got really distorted and ugly, and she still hasn't managed to loose the weight since her birth - we're talking around 4 years later... she also doesn't look quite as picture perfect as she used to- a double chin seems to have this devastating quality of completely ruining the look, and losing the magic... so again, I'm not wishing I was in her shoes any longer either. ?

I know this makes me sound really vain and whatever.., but what the heck.. ?looks do mean so much to me, (as does myeating too) and I'm anonymous here anyway!

And another thing- ?LOL That Lady about your legs! ?I know that wasn't the main point of your message, but it was definitely the funniest! ?And I'm sure they're not THAT bad...!

 

[Cat Dancer]

I really don't think much about this anymore.
Maybe it's being older.

 

[Lost]

funnily enough, I noticed when I turned 20 / 21 that I was much less into my looks than I was before.

I still care a lot about my appearance, but it doesn't mean as much to me the way it used to.

Of course it still means a lot. "Body image" is a phrase my therapist has mentioned a few times, as something which we'll need to discuss, though at the moment I don't see it as much of an issue...

anyway...

have a nice weekend Janet.
Witsend, hope you're doing ok these days...

 

[Peanut]

I don't know what's wrong with me...I became more conscious/critical of my body at about age 20 when I realized I had gained a little weight (not really very much) unbeknownst to me. When I realized that I had gained weight my mom told me that she had noticed I was getting fat but wasn't going to tell me!!!? ?For the past four years it seems like it's gotten worse, or maybe I've just chipped away at my weight long enough where it's coming to a climax.? Now that I have lost all of that weight plus a lot more, I feel somewhat preoccupied with having what I perceive to be a "perfect body".? Of course, it doesn't help that my husband constantly makes comments/jokes about overweight people.? And always commends my "willpower"...I don't really think it has much to do with "willpower"...I'd label it more as an irrational fear....

 

[Cat Dancer]

I can relate, Lost. I still think about it some and there are things I don't like, but it just doesn't matter as much. I like this forum because people are people and I think you can see how they are without seeing them if that makes any sense. People can like me for me without knowing what I look like. That sounds weird. LOL.

Toeless, my father makes comments all the time about overweight people, my mom is overweight. I think this affected me a? lot whenI was younger. At first I wanted to be thin to please him and then I wanted to be too thin to be not like a woman.
Do you think you have an eating disorder? I thin k you posted about that before.

 

[Peanut]

Yea, I'm not sure.? The reason I'm not sure is that my brain knows I'm thin.? I know that I'm not fat, BUT when I see food all I see is fat content and calories and I will decide that I need to gain a little weight (emphasis on a LITTLE) and I will gain just a little, weigh myself, not like to see the number go up, and lose it right back again.?

My therapist wants to put me on some kind of nutrition plan (not because of what I said but he just keeps probing about it and I don't know what to tell him).? It is very hard because since I've lost all of that weight I get a lot of compliments and it is difficult to reconcile those compliments with the fact that I'm perhaps too thin.? People seem to like it...it's weird.? But I just can't stop. My mind kind of does this thing where I like to see the scale go lower than before.? It's almost like a competitive thing with myself.?
I'm sorry, I'm really weird and I know I'm too old for this kind of thing (24).? I don't know what my problem is.?

I don't know why people have to continue to make comments about overweight people.? I've told my husband this so many times and he will not stop...and my mom laughs at his cruel remarks.=( It's damaging to everyone involved.

Thanks for answering Janet, you are so nice to me!?

 

[Cat Dancer]

You're not weird and people of all ages have problems like this. Like me.

I think it's definitely something you and your therapist should explore. Do you feel that it interferes with day to day life?

It is so hurtful when people make comments like that. I guess sometimes they might not realize how hurtful it is.

And you're welcome. You are a very kind person.

 

[Peanut]

You know, I don't really know.? I just know that I have no appetite (even when my body seems hungry) and no longer like to eat, and after I eat I do not like the feeling.? I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing.? I have several things going on right now and it is hard to tell what is what.? I guess this is just the most outward sign so it's more noticable in a way.? I feel stupid for even posting that.? I'm sure it's something that will subside eventually.? Ironically my husband just commented two minutes ago about how much bigger I was in an old picture...he kept saying "I never realized".? I wasn't even that heavy-the weight was just heavy on me because of my small bone structure-it was a normal weight for my height.? I don't know I just feel like I cannot tell my problems apart from each other.?

I mean, it seems like from the posts here that a lot of people think like this, so maybe it's fine and normal and I need to stop thinking that something is wrong when nothing is.? Sorry for these posts...I shouldn't have started in on this again.? My therapist just keeps asking me about it and? I keep wondering what he is thinking...or rather, if that is what he is thinking. I don't really want to talk about it with him though.