Coming Clean

[ThatLady]

Gee, thanks for the compliment, Nancy! I find that doctors are often not great communicators. Sometimes they're busy. Sometimes, they're just not good at it under any circumstances. They're just human beings, like us.

I've become accustomed to explaining to patients what doctors have failed to get across, for whatever reason. It's sometimes like translating from pidgeon.

 

[Halo]

I sort of know the feeling TL....having to explain to our clients what the lawyers really mean in layman's terms so that understand and don't have this look on their face :yikes:

I have to do it all the time

 

[ThatLady]

Hee! I empathize, Nancy! Doctors and lawyers have much in common, I fear. :yikes:

 

[Halo]

LOL So true, try getting a doctor and a lawyer together for a Trial....neither of them understands each other at all

 

[just mary]

Hello again,

Thanks Nancy and TL for the support and allowing me to vent a bit. I've had time to reflect on things and I don't feel so confused anymore. In a way, I feel more responsible for myself that I'm going to have to make my own changes - I can't keep scrambling around, looking for someone to help/guide me.

TL, your reply was very informative and helpful, I had to laugh at the "badger with a migraine" description, it was funny. My doctor was definitely a badger with a migraine and I won't ever know if it was me or something else, more than likely it was something else. :roll: But what baffles me is that he used to be a nurse, so you would think he might be a bit more sensitive to his patients. And to be honest, at our first appointment he was phenomenal, completely different from most other doctors I've met. I was really looking forward to yesterday's appointment. Anyway, enough about that.

He then moved on to your depression and what you envision doing about it. You answered with two things, both with negative connotations. You don't want to take anti-depressives (one door closed), and you prefer private therapy but feel it's too expensive (another door closed). If the doc was having a bad day (they have those, too, unfortunately), he may have heard that as a rejection of what he considers viable treatments. So...he moved on to offer you someone to talk to...him.

In short, I don't think he dislikes you, really. I think it was a combination of things in play. He wasn't having the best day and the thoughts that he might have regarding courses of treatment were rejected by you. He just expressed himself about like a badger with a migraine.

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks, I do feel better. I tend to take things a little too personally some times.

Anti-depressants ARE a viable treatment. I'm wondering why you're rejecting that idea, myself. Could you, perhaps, clarify what your feelings are in this regard?

Sure, I can do that and thanks for asking. Several reasons: One, if I get pregnant - I don't want to be taking them. There have been recent studies that show anti-depressants do have an effect on fetuses, I even think there is an article on this website. Secondly, I still drink off and on which just negates their effects. I just wanted to add that if I do get pregnant - the drinking will NOT occur - I can say that without a doubt. Thirdly, I really would like to try CBT (or REBT which is what my last therapist did) on it's own. Fourthly, a prescription for anti-depressants tends to follow you around - I had a heck of a time increasing my insurance coverage. And finally, I just want to be sure that I really need the anti-depressants - I would like to explore all my other options first.

As to the cholesterol, do you remember what your level was?

It was 5.73 and he didn't tell me the percentage of it is HDL, LDL or VLDL. And I was a little scared to ask at that point. :red: But he did say that it could be due to my drinking, that was news to me, I didn't know alcohol could affect your cholesterol.

Mary, I can relate to how your felt at your appointment as my gp is pretty much the same way....very stern and to the point. I never go in to just talk with him because he seems like he is too busy for that sort of thing. I, like TL wonder why you are pushing away the idea of meds as well.

I am glad that your medical health problems liver, cholestrol etc. are good. Glad to hear it.

Thanks Nancy

 

[ThatLady]

Drinking can, and does, effect your cholesterol levels, mary. That may be the reason why your levels are high. You might ask your doctor for a breakdown of HDL, LDL and VLDL cholesterol, as well as a total cholesterol level. High cholesterol isn't good, but if the HDL cholesterol is high and LDL and VLDL are low, it's less of a problem than if HDL is low and the others are high. Exercise raises HDL and lowers the other two, so that's something you could consider, along with dietary improvements...more veggies, less fat and sugars.

I'd agree that, if your doctor used to be a nurse, he could be expected to be a bit less of a badger with a migraine. However, I always figure everybody is entitled to a bad day now and then. That's what I'd chalk this little episode up to...just a bad day; especially, considering your previous appointment had shown you a completely different picture of this doctor.

I can understand your wish to try out other options before medication. A lot of people are just reluctant to take meds. However, it has been proven that therapy (even CBT) combined with medication is the most effective and time efficient method of treating depression. If you decide to get pregnant, the medications can be weaned off before the fact, just like the alcohol can. It's something to consider; especially, if you find that therapy alone isn't cutting it.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I can understand your reasons for not wanting to go on medication.

And as far as the doctor's attitude, I would have felt hurt and let down about that second appointment. I hope it was just a bad day for him.

I do hope you can find someone to talk to. Is going back to the counselor you used to see out of the question?

I think, too, that you're so hard on yourself. I don't think you're any of those harsh things you said about yourself.

 

[just mary]

Hi again,

Just wanted to say thanks to TL and Janet for the support, it is nice to read and it definitely helps.

But it seems I still need more time to think about things.

As a side note, re: cholesterol levels, I have a big weakness for cheese, any kind of cheese (even my cheesey writing) does anyone know of any good-tasting, low fat varieties?

Thanks and take care,

 

[Halo]

Hi Mary,

To be honest I never knew that cheese came in different milk fats before I learned it from a nutritionist. I just thought that some tasted better than others

I definitely try to stay away from the 32% milk fat (mf) cheeses (those being your higher ones) and if you want a light cheese which is about 16% mf than there is usually some good ones that you find in your local grocery store. I have tried the 7% mf cheese and although it is not the same as a 32% mf it does represent a good flavour but not a lot of good "kick" to it like a lot of others. I do have to say that I have also tried the 4% mf and it is not good. Please take my word on this and stay away from it. I have tried it all different ways even baked on homemade pizza and it is just nasty stuff. Anyway I do like the 7% on homemade pizza and I have also recently found 7% havarti which is something new. In order to find the 7% cheeses you normally have to go to a cheese speciality store (at least here you do). Some local grocery stores are starting to bring in more but still nothing compared to the specialty stores.

Okay so that was probably more than you ever thought you needed to know about cheese but this is actually something that I know a little about by personal experience.

Good luck in finding one that you like.

 

[foghlaim]

Hi Mary: I agree with TL about the meds issue.. but the choice as always is yours.
but i know that meds made a huge diff for me, if that helps any ok!

as for low cholesterol levels, can't help there i'm afraid.. i just eat whatever cheese happens to be in the ffridge..lol

but i hope you can find one you like and that help keep your levels down.
good luck with that ok

nsa

 

[just mary]

Hello again,

Thanks for the info regarding cheese, Nancy. I was impressed. Truly. I'll try the 7.0% stuff and stay away from the 4.0%, no sense spending money on something I'll probably throw away. Thanks again!

And thanks to nsa for your support also, much appreciated.

Is going back to the counselor you used to see out of the question?

I'm not sure Janet. I sent him a couple of weird e-mails awhile back and frankly, I'm a little embarassed to see him again, actually a LOT embarassed. I know it doesn't make sense, he's a trained therapist and he's much too understanding to hold something like that against me but I can't seem to forget about it. My "foolish pride" I suppose.

Take care,

 

[Cat Dancer]

I know it doesn't make sense, he's a trained therapist and he's much too understanding to hold something like that against me

I'm sure he would be understanding and you need that in your life. At least it's something to think about. I know it's hard to do something when you feel you've messed up or something like that, but I hope you can find someone to talk to. I think it's important. I hope this makes sense.

 

[just mary]

Thanks Janet. You made a lot of sense.

It gets more and more difficult to reach out to someone with every passing day. I'm not sure what's wrong. I get hurt so easily, a comment from someone or an odd look and I'm convinced that they think I'm an idiot. I wish I could put on blinders most days, I wish I wouldn't think so much. I'm slipping into old habits again and I can feel the difference, both emotionally and physically. I need to get back on track again, I need to be strong and in control. I can see myself that way and then all those negative thoughts come creeping in and I feel overwhelmed. I'll keep trying. :blank:

But thanks for listening and take care.

 

[ThatLady]

I hear you, Mary. One thing to think about, however, is that if it gets harder every day to reach out, it might be a good idea to do it pretty quickly. At least, that's how it seems to me.

 

[foghlaim]

Hi Mary: I have to say i agree with janet and TL, the sooner you make contact with your therapist the better for you. and you are right he won't hold anything against you, remember therapists are non judgemental, and are there to help you thru "whatever". So if you can make that call today, once it's done you prob feell a lot better for having done it.

all the best Mary.
let us know how you are doing ok.

nsa

 

[just mary]

Hey there, I only have a minute, but I wanted to say thanks for everyone's support. :flowers:

I also wanted to add that I made an appointment with my therapist. I called yesterday and they were able to squeeze me in tomorrow. I'm nervous but I'm just going to do it and try not to think about it too much.

Thanks again everyone, I'll let you know how it goes.

Take care and bye for now!

 

[ThatLady]

Great news, Just Mary! I'll be looking forward to hearing how the session goes. I'm really glad you're taking this step. It can only be of help to you, and that's what we all want.

 

[Halo]

That is awesome Mary that you took the step to make the call. I too will be waiting for an update on the session when you have some time.

Take care and good luck tomorrrow.

 

[just mary]

Hello,

Thanks again for all your well wishes.

I saw my therapist today and it went alright. I tried not to think about it and wrote down everything I wanted to say before I got there. That helped a lot, I have tendency to get a little tongue tied when I see him. Anyway, it was such a relief to get so much stuff off my chest. And he listened and he had some constructive advice. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back or not but he did give me some instructions on an e-mail he would like me to send to him. I'll try that and see how it goes. It will be a little bit different than journaling, he's given me some direction on what I should write.

He didn't say anything about the weird e-mails I had sent him. He just made the comment "and we all know how much you love to write e-mails" and he just barely smiled. I almost started to laugh but I held it back. He's a good guy. But I truly hope he never goes there, i.e. he never brings them up.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone, your support is much appreciated.

Take care,

 

[ThatLady]

Sounds good, Mary. It really sounds like this guy is trying to work with you in a way that's suited to your specific needs. Hang in there. You're making progress. It always seems so much slower to us when we're the ones going through it all than it does to those watching from outside our little "box".