Coming Clean

[just mary]

Thanks TL.

It's funny though, I had a really good day but now I'm all alone again and I'm just looking to connect with someone. I have so much to do but it felt so good to talk this afternoon. He didn't judge or blow me off or allow his own opinions to fill the conversation, he just listened and it meant so much to me. But I miss it so much now. It was almost easier to be alone, I'd forgotten what it felt like to just talk to someone.

I hate saying this but I have to go, I have so much to do and I really don't know where to start. I could stay on here all night but I can't. I just feel so confused and all I really want to do is go to sleep.

Take care and thanks,

 

[Halo]

Mary I just wanted to say that I think that it took real courage on your part to first call and make the appointment and then to actually go to the appt. Well done!! I am really proud of you for taking this great step.

I know that sometimes for me after a session I am just so drained emotionally that sleep is the only thing that I want to do. I hope that you are getting the sleep that you so need.

Take care and hope to hear from you when you can.

 

[Cat Dancer]

he just listened and it meant so much to me. But I miss it so much now. It was almost easier to be alone, I'd forgotten what it felt like to just talk to someone.

I can relate to that so much. It means so much to me to be able to talk and have someone listen. I am so not used to that and it is very, very difficult for me to do.

I'm really glad you were able to go and I don't see why you couldn't or shouldn't go back.

 

[Halo]

I don't see why you couldn't or shouldn't go back.

I agree completely.

 

[Holly]

Hi just mary,

saw my therapist today and it went alright. I tried not to think about it and wrote down everything I wanted to say before I got there. That helped a lot, I have tendency to get a little tongue tied when I see him. Anyway, it was such a relief to get so much stuff off my chest. And he listened and he had some constructive advice. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back or not but he did give me some instructions on an e-mail he would like me to send to him. I'll try that and see how it goes. It will be a little bit different than journaling, he's given me some direction on what I should write.

I am glad you went to the appointment, I know it helped me to write down, I had a similar experience with writing in my journal.
Good work just mary, I am glad to read your update.
Take care
Have a nice week.

 

[just mary]

Hey, thanks again.

I'm not sure what to say. I did write the e-mail and I'm just waiting for his feedback. He did write me a quick note to let me know that he got the e-mail. Everything feels weird and kind of surreal. I just feel detached somehow.

Anyway, just wanted to post a thank-you to everyone and give an update (even though there isn't much to update).

Take care and bye for now,

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think it's hard to do something like that, write an email like that. And maybe feeling detached is a way to protect yourself somehow.

If you want, let us know how things go.

Take care.

 

[Halo]

Hi Mary,

I just wanted to say that I am proud of you sending the email which I know must have been hard. Again Good Job :goodjob:

Let us know when and if you get a response.

Take care

 

[just mary]

Hello again,

I just needed to write this down and get it out of my head. To put it bluntly, I haven't received a response to my e-mail and I'm starting to feel angry. I feel bad for feeling angry though.

Normally, I'm a pretty patient person and I know he's probably just very busy but I can't help wondering if he's trying to "teach me a lesson" or something. I'm thinking that he thinks I'm spoiled rotten and I'm used to getting "what I want - when I want" (which is so not true) and he wants to make me wait. Or maybe he thinks my problems just aren't that big of a deal and aren't very important and that I can wait (and I'll admit that there are many people out there who are in much worse shape and need help much more than I). Or maybe he's just forgotten.

I sent the e-mail on Tuesday, August 8. I want to send him an e-mail and ask if he's had a chance to read it but I don't want to bug him. What's an appropriate time to wait? He could have forgotten or maybe something has happened to him?

I guess I'm just feeling kind of confused and vulnerable but thanks for reading.

Take care and bye for now,

 

[ThatLady]

There are a number of possibilities, Mary. You've named several of them. He could also be out of town, or could have had some kind of emergency in his family. I see no harm in dropping him another email asking if he has had an opportunity to read your first email. You might want to let him know that it took a great deal of working up of courage to write the email so, naturally, you're anxious for a response. I think he'd understand.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Let me add to what TL has said:

In an average day, I receive upwards of 100 emails (not counting spam), not all from clients of course but that's still a lot of mail to go through. Sometimes, I read an email and leave it in my inbox intending to reply later, but then it can get buried in the stack of new incoming emails a few hours later.

What I often tell clients is "if you haven't had a reply from me within a couple of days maximum, please email me again to jog my memory - I'm not intentionally ignoring you but I may well have forgotten to scroll up in the list to find the original message".

 

[ThatLady]

Heh. I hear you, David. Sometimes, sorting through my email inbox is sorta like a trip through hell barefoot.

 

[Into The Light]

hi mary i can just imagine how you must be feeling right now. if it were me i would have been very anxiously awaiting some sort of response in the past 4 days. it probably will take a heck of a lot of courage for you to even follow up with him to see if he received your email. at least, that's how it would be for me. try anyway, just explain you're anxious about it and that you don't want to be bugging him, but that you have a lot on your mind and just wanted to make sure he received it. i am sure he'd understand.

 

[just mary]

Okay, thanks for the info. I'll send him another e-mail on Monday.

I guess I just pictured him sitting there, rolling his eyes and saying to himself. "You know Mary, you are not the centre of the world, I'll get to you when I can."

Thanks and take care,

 

[just mary]

Well, I sent the reminder e-mail yesterday and he hasn't replied to it. I feel kind of "let down". I know some of you might think that he's sick or there's been some kind of emergency but I don't think so. And actually, when I look back, he's never been good at replying to e-mails or phone calls. And I don't understand why not. He's fairly reputable and he charges a fair amount, he has an assistant to help him.

I just feel so stupid for writing the e-mail, I keep wondering if I wrote the wrong thing or it was dumb or it was simply "not what he wanted to see". Or maybe he's trying to tell me that he doesn't want me as a client, I just don't know why he wouldn't come straight out and tell me. I just feel like he's playing some kind of mind game with me and I don't like it.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I'm sorry.

I know how hard it was for you to go back to him and write the email and then the reminder. I would definitely feel let-down too.

You're not stupid and you didn't write the wrong thing. I don't know what's going on with him.

 

[ThatLady]

I don't think his failure to answer points to any lack in you, mary. It's more like a lack in him, if there's no mitigating reason why you haven't had a response. We need to remember to fight against blaming ourselves for other peoples' wrongdoing.

Have you checked your email program to be sure it isn't blocking his email as spam? That is a possibility; albeit, not a likely one...but, it's worth checking out.

If he's always been lax about answering emails or telephone calls, then this is nothing new for him. While he may be very busy, it's still sad that he doesn't realize the importance of, at least, having his assistant reply to queries like yours.

 

[just mary]

Thanks Janet and TL. Your support is appreciated and it does help.

Have you checked your email program to be sure it isn't blocking his email as spam? That is a possibility; albeit, not a likely one...but, it's worth checking out.

That thought did cross my mind. He is on my list of contacts though and he has always got through before but I could be missing something. My e-mail is a hotmail address. Is there anything weird that I should be on the lookout for, any strange things/glitches that can occur in a hotmail account?

In any event, I'll give it a few more days and then I'll try contacting him again.

Thanks again and take care.

 

[Cat Dancer]

That thought did cross my mind. He is on my list of contacts though and he has always got through before but I could be missing something. My e-mail is a hotmail address. Is there anything weird that I should be on the lookout for, any strange things/glitches that can occur in a hotmail account?

I don't know about hotmail, but everything I used to get from here would go into the spam folder in my email account even though I kept marking them as "not spam" and finally one day it seemed to recognize that the messages weren't spam. Sometimes I don't get my email until a day or so later too. So I think anything is possibly in cyberland. :yikes:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'll second that. I don't use Hotmail but even with my regular email accounts every now and then I'll get an email saying "you haven't replied to my earlier email yet", referencing a message never received. Then other times I'll get two or three copies of the same message.