Dealing with a domineering sibling

[under the sun]

How do I deal with an older sister who is domineering and pathologically unreasonable?

I contemplated typing out the entire situation here, but that would be too draining on me AND you!

In short, my older sister (by nine years) froze me out of her life because I've not made myself readily available to her and her needs. Apparently, I am selfish and greedy by not making her issues, my issues.

So far, I've felt as though a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders, but I feel that this is affecting my relationship with my other four siblings. She doesn't make it easier because she talks about me and complains about me to my other siblings and people outside of the family.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

My guess is your siblings are probably wishing they could do what you did. Do you have any indication that they accept her version of this situation?

My experience has been that demanding complaining people are generally recognized as such. As I often say to people who are ambivalent about things said to them about another person, consider the source. How much credibility do you think your sister has by now with the rest of your family?

 

[under the sun]

Thanks David,

I have the same thought that people will see my sister for who/what she is...and though none of my siblings have said it outright, I do feel as though they wish they weren't obliged to her. My sister has a tendency to do "nice" things, but with the unsaid and underlying feeling that you are indebted to her.

This is not the first time my sister has shunned me. It also happened five years ago (and happened under very similar circumstances). Back then, I took it really badly, though I did not go out of my way to make amends with her.

Thanks for the re-affirmation!