hi i need some help.

[David Baxter PhD]

That may be an overestimate, though -- although I do prefer to see couples weekly at first, for the first 3-6 sessions, after that I generally stretch them out to 2 weeks and eventually 3-4 weeks, so that I can give them homework assignments on trying different ways of communicating, etc., and give them time to see how well it works.

I generally tell clients to plan on an average of 2 sessions per month over say a 6-8 month period (although of course not all couples will need that many sessions).

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That may be an overestimate, though -- although I do prefer to see couples weekly at first, for the first 3-6 sessions, after that I generally stretch them out to 2 weeks and eventually 3-4 weeks, so that I can give them homework assignments on trying different ways of communicating, etc., and give them time to see how well it works.

I generally tell clients to plan on an average of 2 sessions per month over say a 6-8 month period (although of course not all couples will need that many sessions).

 

[zanphere]

thanks

i'll go look now.................

 

[zanphere]

thanks

i'll go look now.................

 

[zanphere]

well

i talked to her about seeing someone to help our relationship, she said that she's not going, mainly because she did'nt think she did anything wrong, i made her do it.

and if i wanna go see a doctor i should, what do i do now, and why would she say that is she in deniel or something.

funny thing is i've been with her for about 4 yrs now, i'm 24 yrs old in 2005 and i never even thought of cheating on her, and i feel like i was an idiot for not cheating on her when i had the chance, i was called gay a couple of times because i turned down meaningless sex.

 

[zanphere]

well

i talked to her about seeing someone to help our relationship, she said that she's not going, mainly because she did'nt think she did anything wrong, i made her do it.

and if i wanna go see a doctor i should, what do i do now, and why would she say that is she in deniel or something.

funny thing is i've been with her for about 4 yrs now, i'm 24 yrs old in 2005 and i never even thought of cheating on her, and i feel like i was an idiot for not cheating on her when i had the chance, i was called gay a couple of times because i turned down meaningless sex.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I suggest you go on your own. If you are going to remain in this relationship, you are going to need some coping skills. Once you start going, she may change her mind and accompany you. If not, you may want to consider whether you want to continue the relationship -- that doesn't seem like a good omen to me. Either way, I think you'd benefit from seeing a counselor.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I suggest you go on your own. If you are going to remain in this relationship, you are going to need some coping skills. Once you start going, she may change her mind and accompany you. If not, you may want to consider whether you want to continue the relationship -- that doesn't seem like a good omen to me. Either way, I think you'd benefit from seeing a counselor.

 

[zanphere]

i asked around and everyone wants a bunch of money that i can't afford right now.

is there another alternitive, a couple of my friends told me to just go out and have some sex and it will make it a little better.

the way my head is right now i don't if i'm gonna stay with her or not.

the future is not on my mind right now, and i really think if i do hook up with someone else i might feel better.

i just can't see her as i once did, and she's not my whole world anymore.

i've been seeing girls as more than i use to.

would some random sex help???

 

[zanphere]

i asked around and everyone wants a bunch of money that i can't afford right now.

is there another alternitive, a couple of my friends told me to just go out and have some sex and it will make it a little better.

the way my head is right now i don't if i'm gonna stay with her or not.

the future is not on my mind right now, and i really think if i do hook up with someone else i might feel better.

i just can't see her as i once did, and she's not my whole world anymore.

i've been seeing girls as more than i use to.

would some random sex help???

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I doubt it. I don't think random sex helps anything. It certainly won't solve any of the problems in your relationship and if you now go outside the relationship to have sex with someone else you are simply repeating her mistake and basically telling her that what she did was okay.

You need to make a decision about your current relationship. That is the number one priority. And in order to be true to yourself and to your own values, you need to do that without resorting to infidelity. If you want to be with someone else, I think it is important to end the curent relationship first.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I doubt it. I don't think random sex helps anything. It certainly won't solve any of the problems in your relationship and if you now go outside the relationship to have sex with someone else you are simply repeating her mistake and basically telling her that what she did was okay.

You need to make a decision about your current relationship. That is the number one priority. And in order to be true to yourself and to your own values, you need to do that without resorting to infidelity. If you want to be with someone else, I think it is important to end the curent relationship first.

 

[Daniel E.]

Your friends are giving you bad advice. Random sex will only make things worse--in several ways. For one, your wife would have reasons to mistrust you, adding another issue to the mix. (There's also the increased risk of bringing home an STD even if you use a condom.)

Seeing any therapist would be more helpful than nothing. If you have health insurance, your health insurance may pay for the individual therapy, especially if you are depressed. If you don't have health insurance with mental health coverage, there are many therapists in Ft. Lauderdale that charge sliding scale fees based on income.

 

[Daniel E.]

Your friends are giving you bad advice. Random sex will only make things worse--in several ways. For one, your wife would have reasons to mistrust you, adding another issue to the mix. (There's also the increased risk of bringing home an STD even if you use a condom.)

Seeing any therapist would be more helpful than nothing. If you have health insurance, your health insurance may pay for the individual therapy, especially if you are depressed. If you don't have health insurance with mental health coverage, there are many therapists in Ft. Lauderdale that charge sliding scale fees based on income.

 

[zanphere]

honestly the trust in the relationship is still there it's just not as strong as it used to be.

this actuall started about three years ago, she told me she was still friends with her X, and that was no problem for me i thought it was rare, but then again she was a virgin when she met him so i understood if she wanted him in OUR lives.

but when i asked over and over to meet him i got nothing, so right there i trusted her a little less, she always said that they would never be anything other than friends, even if we broke up, she went on to say that he has now become a player, and he proberly had aids or another std,and he's not the same person he was when they were together. but yet still they did'nt use a condom.

if this was true "why could'nt i meet him" i said and i just kept getting more and more pissed off, so i had a female friend and i made it look like me and her had something going on, she said she was hurt and turned to her x for comfort, so it's my fault, but she was doing the same thing to me.

You need to make a decision about your current relationship. That is the number one priority. And in order to be true to yourself and to your own values, you need to do that without resorting to infidelity. If you want to be with someone else, I think it is important to end the curent relationship first.

i know i need to make a decision, but i don't want to be with someone else.

i don't know if it has to do with the fact that she was the only one there for me when my mom died, and after what happend with my x and my dad, i did'nt trust no one, but she changed that, she got with me when i was living pay cheak to pay cheak, then i started making alot of money, and since sep 11 thing got real bad real fast, so i thought she really loved me for me.

it's like i'm the number one person in her life after him.

 

[zanphere]

honestly the trust in the relationship is still there it's just not as strong as it used to be.

this actuall started about three years ago, she told me she was still friends with her X, and that was no problem for me i thought it was rare, but then again she was a virgin when she met him so i understood if she wanted him in OUR lives.

but when i asked over and over to meet him i got nothing, so right there i trusted her a little less, she always said that they would never be anything other than friends, even if we broke up, she went on to say that he has now become a player, and he proberly had aids or another std,and he's not the same person he was when they were together. but yet still they did'nt use a condom.

if this was true "why could'nt i meet him" i said and i just kept getting more and more pissed off, so i had a female friend and i made it look like me and her had something going on, she said she was hurt and turned to her x for comfort, so it's my fault, but she was doing the same thing to me.

You need to make a decision about your current relationship. That is the number one priority. And in order to be true to yourself and to your own values, you need to do that without resorting to infidelity. If you want to be with someone else, I think it is important to end the curent relationship first.

i know i need to make a decision, but i don't want to be with someone else.

i don't know if it has to do with the fact that she was the only one there for me when my mom died, and after what happend with my x and my dad, i did'nt trust no one, but she changed that, she got with me when i was living pay cheak to pay cheak, then i started making alot of money, and since sep 11 thing got real bad real fast, so i thought she really loved me for me.

it's like i'm the number one person in her life after him.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What is the significance of Sept. 11?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What is the significance of Sept. 11?

 

[zanphere]

well i was working at a custom auto shop, but since sep 11, when the terrorist hit the twin towers, everyone slowed down on spending money, not right away but eventually they looked at a custom shop as unnessasary spending, the the shop closed and i ha to look for a new job.

 

[zanphere]

well i was working at a custom auto shop, but since sep 11, when the terrorist hit the twin towers, everyone slowed down on spending money, not right away but eventually they looked at a custom shop as unnessasary spending, the the shop closed and i ha to look for a new job.