Hi all I'm new here, need to vent a bit and need to know if its like this for others and how you deal with it. Sorry if I ramble on a bit...
Since I have known him he's shown signs of anxiety and depression. In the beginning it wasn't that bad, then it got really bad for a while, then a bit better and now its been really bad for over a year.
He hasn't been diagnosed with anything, hasn't been to a Dr for it yet. Up until recently he wouldn't even admit there was a problem. In the past month or so he started having full blown panic attacks almost daily. He finally went to the urgent care doc in a box hoping they would find a physical problem. They gave him rx's for indigestion and vistaril to calm him down and sent him on his way. When things didn't improve he finally agreed to see a psychologist. The appointment is later this week.
In the meantime though he's trying to use me for all his support and as his therapist. I want to be there for him and help him in anyway I can, but I cant do everything! I have my own life with it's own stresses, I have him to deal with, and now hes wants to put all this on me.
I have to walk on eggshells to live with him, and even that isn't enough most of the time. Anytime he starts getting stressed or overwhelmed he gets really snappy and takes it out on me. A few days ago he wanted to get chemicals for the pool and food to go on the boat the next day, it was 10am on Sat and we had nothing else to do. He was so overwhelmed that he had to do those 2 things that he was just mean. Or he'll ask me a question and expect it to be a yes or no answer, and when it's not he gets mad and starts a fight.
About a year and 1/2 ago we bought a house that needed to be gutted to the studs and redone. He wasn't in anywhere near his current state then, he seems to be doing pretty good. He wanted the house, he promised he would give it his all. Needless to say, Ive done 99% of the work by myself. We needed a place to live, so I was working 16-18 hour days 7 days a week to get it done. That alone will drain you to nothing, and he wants to load more and more on me. Now the house is mostly done and we are living in it, but the yard it still a mess and there are lots of little things. If I ask him to do anything I get my head bit off most of the time. Sometimes even just him seeing me working is to much for him. I was cleaning the backyard the other day and he got home and started giving me a hard time about everything under the sun. He later admitted it was because seeing me working reminded him of all the stuff that needs to be done and it gave him chest pains.
He expects me to give him every consideration in the world, and put all my own feelings/wants/needs etc. aside. I was sick a few days ago, had about 2hrs of sleep total, and he was upset and giving me a hard time because I wanted to stay home and take it easy. I kept explaining to him how I feel and asking him to lay off, he'd say he understands, then go rite back to complaining how the day was ruined.
I had asked him about something stupid and it set him off. I tried to change the subject but he kept going back to it, told him maybe we shouldn't talk rite now and got off the phone. He called me back 5 times going on and on till I turned off my phone. An hour and 1/2 later I turn it on and the second I do it rings. He's still going on and on, then he tells me that if I care about my safety I'll stop!! I wasn't even going to go home that night, then he shows up a few hours later like nothing happened.
Even worse we had moved to a new state a few years ago. We have never really made any friends. The few people we do know are friends with both of us, and through work. I have no one to talk to and no where to go.
I know this isn't a good situation rite now, we both agree that I'm nuts for staying with him. If things don't get better I am going to leave him. I have seen the real him though, how sweet and caring he is, how much fun he is, how well we get along, how we like the same things. When we met it was like I found my soulmate. Many people had commented how we can do anything together and get along so well and enjoy it, how they don't see many couples like us.
Now that he is finally seeing that there is something wrong and getting help for it, I feel like there is hope. But since he has seen there is something going on things have gotten worse. I know he isn't going to go see the psychologist and come home cured, I know it's going to be a process. Things need to change soon. Ive debated on asking him to stay with his parents or something till he can handle life, but I don't think that would go well.
Has anyone else been though this, has it been this bad for you, does it get better, how do you deal with it?
Sorry for the long rant...
Since I have known him he's shown signs of anxiety and depression. In the beginning it wasn't that bad, then it got really bad for a while, then a bit better and now its been really bad for over a year.
He hasn't been diagnosed with anything, hasn't been to a Dr for it yet. Up until recently he wouldn't even admit there was a problem. In the past month or so he started having full blown panic attacks almost daily. He finally went to the urgent care doc in a box hoping they would find a physical problem. They gave him rx's for indigestion and vistaril to calm him down and sent him on his way. When things didn't improve he finally agreed to see a psychologist. The appointment is later this week.
In the meantime though he's trying to use me for all his support and as his therapist. I want to be there for him and help him in anyway I can, but I cant do everything! I have my own life with it's own stresses, I have him to deal with, and now hes wants to put all this on me.
I have to walk on eggshells to live with him, and even that isn't enough most of the time. Anytime he starts getting stressed or overwhelmed he gets really snappy and takes it out on me. A few days ago he wanted to get chemicals for the pool and food to go on the boat the next day, it was 10am on Sat and we had nothing else to do. He was so overwhelmed that he had to do those 2 things that he was just mean. Or he'll ask me a question and expect it to be a yes or no answer, and when it's not he gets mad and starts a fight.
About a year and 1/2 ago we bought a house that needed to be gutted to the studs and redone. He wasn't in anywhere near his current state then, he seems to be doing pretty good. He wanted the house, he promised he would give it his all. Needless to say, Ive done 99% of the work by myself. We needed a place to live, so I was working 16-18 hour days 7 days a week to get it done. That alone will drain you to nothing, and he wants to load more and more on me. Now the house is mostly done and we are living in it, but the yard it still a mess and there are lots of little things. If I ask him to do anything I get my head bit off most of the time. Sometimes even just him seeing me working is to much for him. I was cleaning the backyard the other day and he got home and started giving me a hard time about everything under the sun. He later admitted it was because seeing me working reminded him of all the stuff that needs to be done and it gave him chest pains.
He expects me to give him every consideration in the world, and put all my own feelings/wants/needs etc. aside. I was sick a few days ago, had about 2hrs of sleep total, and he was upset and giving me a hard time because I wanted to stay home and take it easy. I kept explaining to him how I feel and asking him to lay off, he'd say he understands, then go rite back to complaining how the day was ruined.
I had asked him about something stupid and it set him off. I tried to change the subject but he kept going back to it, told him maybe we shouldn't talk rite now and got off the phone. He called me back 5 times going on and on till I turned off my phone. An hour and 1/2 later I turn it on and the second I do it rings. He's still going on and on, then he tells me that if I care about my safety I'll stop!! I wasn't even going to go home that night, then he shows up a few hours later like nothing happened.
Even worse we had moved to a new state a few years ago. We have never really made any friends. The few people we do know are friends with both of us, and through work. I have no one to talk to and no where to go.
I know this isn't a good situation rite now, we both agree that I'm nuts for staying with him. If things don't get better I am going to leave him. I have seen the real him though, how sweet and caring he is, how much fun he is, how well we get along, how we like the same things. When we met it was like I found my soulmate. Many people had commented how we can do anything together and get along so well and enjoy it, how they don't see many couples like us.
Now that he is finally seeing that there is something wrong and getting help for it, I feel like there is hope. But since he has seen there is something going on things have gotten worse. I know he isn't going to go see the psychologist and come home cured, I know it's going to be a process. Things need to change soon. Ive debated on asking him to stay with his parents or something till he can handle life, but I don't think that would go well.
Has anyone else been though this, has it been this bad for you, does it get better, how do you deal with it?
Sorry for the long rant...
