I guess its anxiety....

[sunset]

I had a strange night.. I was very bored at work (nothing new there) and am not happy in my job, yet I still procrastinate in getting another job.
When I got out of work, I went home and I had sooo much to do, I sort of just stood in my living room, feeling paralyzed.. I felt anger, depression, and wanting to get things done, wanting to be nice, wanting to just run away, and say leave me alone. I have a list of 17 things that I have to do so far, and that was off the top of my head.

I know I am stressed out because of my niece's wedding next friday. I dont know WHY I am stressed but I am.. Its obvious to me, and its aggravating me as well.

Its a happy time, but I feel like I have a ball and chain around me. Why cant I just go through the list happily?? Why am I like this?
My 2 nephews and 1 niece were over last night, and they are 5, 7, and 9, and as I was trying to get wallpaper down in my mothers kitchen, I had to make an EFFORT to not snap at them.They werent doing anything to annoy me, they were just there.
Then I am thinking what the heck is wrong with me? I am not like this with kids, especially my nieces and nephews.. After a while, I told them I was really tired, and went down to my own place, and just sat there feeling bad about myself and how I act sometimes. I did manage to pick up the vases on hold at the store for my sister, but I didnt want to pick up chinese food for dinner for my mother. WHY NOT?? Ok, my my thought was she is home all day long, and now I have to worry about dinner?
I have to really watch how I am with my mother, because I have a short fuse with her. I know she is getting older and I need to understand that she is starting to lose it a bit and I need to be good to her. For the most part, I am good to her, but that one time that I am not, comes back to haunt me. I have enough guilt feelings without adding more to the pile..
So here I sit, with a list in front of me, and I am one here telling you all about it, instead of doing something about the list. Granted there are a lot of things I cant do here at work, but there are one or two I can do something about..

Argh! Just venting I guess. Dont blame you if you pass this post up.
I really have to get myself together and get through the next week and a half. I guess I feel I am being pulled in many directions, and am not liking it.

 

[Halo]

Sunset,

I am glad that you feel comfortable being able to vent and open up here and to me it sounds like yes anxiety but also possibly the feeling of being overwhelmed. I know for me that sometimes when I have a list of way too many things to do and it feels like too much I just sit and stare at the list and don't attempt any of it. What I find works in those situations is to break the list down even further and make a smaller list which is more manageable and not as frightening and overwhelming (and yes I am a list queen )

I have a hectic time coming up in my life as well with a major deadline and a list of a thousand and one things to do and to be honest I keep procrasting on all of them but I just last night set a list of obtainable goals that I can manage each day on the weekend so as not to feel too overwhelmed and not accomplish anything.

I hope this suggestion helps as I find it does for me. Also, keep venting here as we are great listeners and maybe just being able to vent and rant and getting things out will help as well.

Take care
:hug:

 

[sunset]

Thanks Nancy. I do feel very comfortable here and this is probably the only place I would ever really open up. I know I wont be knocked down for what I am feeling, and I do feel better just being able to say this to someone, even on a forum.
I really only have the weekends to get things done as most people. Normally I tackle things and I was pretty good at making lists and scratching off each item as I went along. For some reason, lately I am just looking at the list. I guess I should just prioritize it and do it that way.

I'll give you and example of why its so overwhelming and frustrating to me. I still have to do my state income tax. I did the federal and already got my $$ for that. Problem with the state is there is now no longer an ez form, and they did away with the tele-file system. That leaves the complicated long system and I have no idea how to do it. I cant afford to pay anyone, so I need to take time to figure it out for myself. I dont want to do this, so I put it off... And the list goes on.
Then in the midst of company coming next week, and the wedding rehearsal dinner (and having to pick up relatives at midnight after that party, at the airport) and the wedding, and running my mother to yet another party the day before, SHE decides its a good time to redo the kitchen!! We just had a dishwasher installed, and a new floor yesterday. Of course she dont like the wallpaper so now I have to scrape this off, which is not easy. I need to paint the trim, and the outside trim of the door if it warms up enough before it actually ruins the door!! Then she changed her mind on which countertop she wants and is driving the poor guy nuts!

Not to mention all the little things I need to get done, shop, clean, etc.
I am picking up my sister at the airport tomorrow night, and I am supposed to go through my pictures and come up with about 40 to 50 pictures that my bil needs on saturday for a retirement party for my other bil... I have about 7 pictures, and NO TIME to look for more. My sister wants me to sneak in the house when my bil is out to get more pics. WHEN am I going to do this??

Last night I jumped into bed about an hour earlier than usual because I was beat, and wanted to try and relax. I always read before I go to sleep, and last night I was having trouble catching my breath, and felt myself go numb. I was panicky but calmed myself down.
I am overwhelmed like you said. I need for the next week and half to be overwith and then I need a nice beach to hang out at...

 

[Halo]

Sunset,

Yes you really do sound overwhelmed and pulled in all different directions. What you described while laying in bed does sound like anxiety to me anyway as I often get those feelings as well when I have a lot on my plate and it is hard to get the mind to slow down.

As for you being pulled by everyone in all different directions, is there any way of being able to delegate any of the tasks on your list to someone else? I know you want to be able to help your sister out with the pictures but is there anyone else that can take over that task? What about the renos with mom's kitchen, picking relatives up at the airport? I don't know who else may be able to assist you and if you can ask them to pitch in and help but it is worth a shot.

Take care
:hug:

 

[sunset]

Nancy, there really isnt anyone I can delegate it too, or I would. There is one thing I am trying to pass off is picking up relatives at the airport. Its going to be too much with the rehearsal dinner at 8pm, then heading to the airport for midnight. I am trying to get my cousin to do that for me, and I will call her tonight.
As for the kitchen, I told my mother we will do what we can, and leave the rest for after the wedding is over. I know she wanted it nice for company, but I would have to had the week off of work to get everything done.

My sister is the one who usually runs and helps a lot, but her daughter is the one getting married, and I dont want to bother her. She has enough to deal with, and I want her to enjoy this special time.
My brother has a young family and is working a lot of overtime, so he is out of the question too.
My oldest sister is useless. Nuff said. My other sister lives in Florida, which is why I get to do her running too.
I will get through it, and the things that need getting done, will get done.

I just need to calm myself down and take it as it comes. Thx for your input. I appreciate it and it helps to talk about it.

 

[Halo]

Sunset,

I understand and yes what needs to get done will get done and what doesn't will wait (such as your mother's kitchen). I am glad that you are going to try and pass off the picking up of relatives to your cousin, I hope that works

Do remember through all this thought to take some time out for you (just a little) to rest and relax. Try to break down the list into smaller portions to make them manageable and when you finally do get the wedding have a couple of :cosmo: :cosmo: as you will have deserved them :lol:

 

[sunset]

Sunset,

I understand and yes what needs to get done will get done and what doesn't will wait (such as your mother's kitchen). I am glad that you are going to try and pass off the picking up of relatives to your cousin, I hope that works

Do remember through all this thought to take some time out for you (just a little) to rest and relax. Try to break down the list into smaller portions to make them manageable and when you finally do get the wedding have a couple of :cosmo: :cosmo: as you will have deserved them :lol:

I will try to break down the list like you said. I'll let you know how I do with that. I cant wait for the :cosmo: The cocktail hour is going to be great!