I'm Tired

[Cat Dancer]

Glad you're feeling some better. :hug:

 

[Domo]

Went to see the psychiatrist this arvo. He basically just asked me what happened. He wants me to keep taking the Efexor. Gave me some Temazepam if i can't sleep and some Olanzapine if i have another episode like i did. He said i baffle him. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Now i have to go crawling back to my psychologist because in my state yesterday i said i didn't want to see her.

I'm not sure how i feel about any of this anymore.

 

[forgetmenot]

Your psychologist will understand no need to go crawling back. She will understand you were unstable and start from there Give her a call okay keep getting the support you need. I hope your mediication will bring better days for you take care okay

 

[Domo]

Bah, i wish i never opened this door (telling my mum when i wasn't ok). Now she is wanting understand it all, which i get why. I know she loves me and wants to help but i don't want to talk to her about any of this. I need her to keep distant.

My psychiatrist slipped up and mentioned i SI (I asked him not to but being human, he made a mistake). So my mum just came and asked me about it. Like what i do, where, how long have i etc etc. Then she asked me to see it. I don't ****ing show anybody. Obviously my ex saw it but i don't go around showing it off to anyone. Just nasty scars that are for me.

I don't really want this attention from her and i am angry that i have to deal with this extreme discomfort. I don't need this from her. I really just want to be left alone.

Woe is me right for having a mum that cares I don't really have the words to explain why i feel this way.

On a more positive note i get to see my therapist tomorrow.

 

[Murray]

I am so glad that you get to see your therapist tomorrow, that is good news.

It is great that your mom cares, but I can totally understand how you feel about not wanting go into all of that with her.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hey Domo for now just explain to mom that you need to keep things between you and your therapist as therapy works better that way. Tell her you appreciate her caring but now you just need some space to breath and to go over what is being taught in therapy. Reassure her that you will reach out to her when needed okay set up some boundaries that will keep you happy and also maybe help mom if possible. I understand not wanting others to know i think i too would be upset if my t told anyone about me. even if it did slip out. You are very good to be understanding mistakes happen Have a good visit with therapist and maybe bring up this topic with her and get some ideas how to handle mom from her as well okay take care

 

[Domo]

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant thread and i don't expect anyone to keep replying because it's just getting the rubbish out of my head.

I am just frustrated. Monday night i was so bad i went to hospital, Tuesday i was low but not actively suicidal, yesterday i was pretty happy and today i've experienced all those things and it's only bloody 11am.

:fool:

 

[Murray]

Nothing wrong with a bit of a rant, sometimes they can be very helpful. Definitely good to get stuff out of your head.

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a rough day again.

 

[Domo]

I'm sure i'll be fine again in 5 minutes :lol:

 

[Murray]

Yeah, sometimes I think my moods are like the weather. If you don't like it, just give it a few minutes, things are bound to change. :lol:

 

[Banned]

Yeah, sometimes I think my moods are like the weather. If you don't like it, just give it a few minutes, things are bound to change. :lol:

That's what we say in Calgary. It's almost a mantra here. :lol:

Domo,

Did you start on your new meds yet? How long til you can hopefully feel some improvement?

 

[Domo]

Yes, started on Efexor on Monday (they gave me a dose at the hospital :lol

I suppose because i was tapered off zoloft, i would have to wait the normal time it takes for an AD to kick in?

To be honest i am not sure what i am fighting here anyway. I feel like the deeper we dig the more complicated it's getting. Which i am sure is not uncommon but blah.

This is putting my job at risk, my relationships and even more my mental health with the stress of it all.

Not to mention my inability to put into words what i think and feel. I felt like a total idiot trying to explain the doors and other worlds to my therapist. It would be bloody ten million times worse with my psychiatrist.

I just want to go to sleep :lol:

 

[Banned]

Yes, started on Efexor on Monday (they gave me a dose at the hospital :lol

Good. Getting started is the first and hardest step.

I suppose because i was tapered off zoloft, i would have to wait the normal time it takes for an AD to kick in?

I'm not sure. I think it would depend on which neurotransmitters they target. Zoloft is an SSRI and Effexor is an SNRI, so there's some overlap with the serotonin which may speed things up a bit, but the Effexor also works on norepinephrine. In high doses it can also inhibit the re-uptake of dopamine (this is a good thing).

Because it has a really short half-life, you need to be really diligent about taking it. Missing even one dose can throw things off and result in withdrawal symptoms.

To be honest i am not sure what i am fighting here anyway. I feel like the deeper we dig the more complicated it's getting. Which i am sure is not uncommon but blah.

Yup...it's taken me eight months to feel like I'm finally one the right path. Eight months of hell but I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're in the "discovery phase"...and things will start to even out and work out in time. I promise.

This is putting my job at risk, my relationships and even more my mental health with the stress of it all.

All the more reason to work through it. The medication and therapy will help decrease those risks. It's definitely stressful, so keep seeing your therapist. Trust me when I tell you, if you weren't taking meds or in therapy, you'd still go through this at some point, but it would be 100 times worse.

Not to mention my inability to put into words what i think and feel. I felt like a total idiot trying to explain the doors and other worlds to my therapist. It would be bloody ten million times worse with my psychiatrist.

Do you keep a journal? You might find it helpful to write things out and then bring it so s/he can either read it or you can read it or refer to it. Can you email your therapist? I used to find that really helpful, and she told me to use her email as a journal if I wanted. It kept her up to date on what I was going through during the week and paved the way for conversation when I'd see her.

I just want to go to sleep :lol:

Sometimes that's not a bad thing .

 

[forgetmenot]

Hey Domo i think sleep is the best medicine some times gives you strength to face another day take care okay

 

[Domo]

Thanks Turtle. All your points make sense. I just get sick of the inconsistency.

I don't keep a journal as such. I dabble with writing and i used to give it all to her to read which was good. But i haven't written in a long time. I should try again.

Violet i would sleep but its only 2:15 pm and i am at work. I've got to finish this day before i prepare to face tomorrow

 

[Daniel E.]

I've got to finish this day before i prepare to face tomorrow

And tomorrow for you is Friday. So TGIF

 

[forgetmenot]

Yah sorry it is midnight here tommorw thursday for us i think time for me to sleep i guess seeing i really don't know what day it is hang in there Domo i hope you only have 8 hr shift

 

[Domo]

No need to be sorry. I believe it would be Thursday for you if it's after midnight?

 

[forgetmenot]

my phone says thurs mar 18 now i have to figure out if i go to work or not today shees i am confused oh well I hope you are going to have a good day today The sun is out here Do something just for you today okay to make you feel happy. take care

 

[Domo]

I'm sorry i am so needy of this place lately.

I am falling to pieces. My head and heart are ****ing torn apart.

I can't stand this pain. It really is too much.