I'm Tired

[forgetmenot]

Hey can you call crisis and talk to someone I hope work is done for the day there. I know the pain and it is so hard to deal with on your own Please call someone and talk to them your mom your brother If not call you therapist and see if you can get in on a cancellation time. I understand the confusion and pain i do I just hope you can call someone if it gets too much
YOur medication is new to you right it will take time to kick in so call for help until it does okay take care

 

[Domo]

I don't need to call a crisis line. I am not in crisis.

I still have 5 more hours of work. I had a therapy appointment yesterday, she won't see me again so soon.

Yes the meds are new.

Thank you Violet but it doesn't really matter now.

 

[forgetmenot]

crisis can be called if you are feeling overwhelmed thats all i meant Work is good it keeps your mind focus away from your pain i hope my work does that for me. I am sorry you are so
torn take care

 

[Banned]

I'm sorry i am so needy of this place lately.

I am falling to pieces. My head and heart are ****ing torn apart.

I can't stand this pain. It really is too much.

If you had unlimited powers, what would you do to fix it?

 

[Domo]

Apparently my answer was not acceptable.

I think you could probably work it out anyway.

 

[Jazzey]

No, your answer was removed by me Domo. I'm sorry that you're struggling right now. And I hope that you'll do everything you can to stay safe. If not for yourself, for those that care about you.

In the meantime though,let's keep PL safe for everyone. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

Domo keep talking okay i know it is hard but you can dothis okay Your twin you r mother call them talk to them get support They would want you to reach out when you are feeling low. I wish i could help you more i do but i just want you to do i understand okay just hang on okay please keep safe

 

[Banned]

This might seem like a really bizarre question, Domo, but do you want to get better? Do you want things to change?

The reason I ask is because for a long time I was (and still am in some ways) my own worst enemy. I didn't really want to get better because I was (am) so afraid of what that change will look like. I became so used to coping within a certain set of parameters that the thought of functioning outside of them was too overwhelming. Other options, like what you said, just seemed so much easier.

Change takes work, and it takes a desire for something better. If you don't think you want change, be honest with yourself and your therapist and make that your first goal - to want to want to get better.

It is alot easier to self-sabotage and dwell in our own miserable pot of life. But, as I often said to myself, if I'm "stuck" here I may as well make the best of it. And the thing is, we're only as stuck as we choose to be. I've been where you are many, many a time, and I've no doubt whatsoever that I'll be there again, but at some point I have to believe that my life is worth fighting for and there is a whole world out there to be experienced.

It's a vicious circle - too depressed to want to do anything to get better, but knowing that if you don't do what you need to do, you won't get better. You have to take control and take the first step. Own the depression, but don't let it own you.

Keep posting here...we'll help you through this. We've all been there.

 

[Domo]

I apologise for my behavior yesterday. Things got a bit out of control.

Wow Turtle, that is a really big question.

I suppose i don't feel i deserve to get better. Not to mention that if the ones i love can't be better then i don't want to be either (and yes i know i will be more equipped to help them if i am well but i've already ****ed that up anyway) I do want change but not in the way that you are thinking.

Yes i am my own worst enemy and yes the thought of being anything else is too overwhelming. The idea of being anything i would even remotely like is so unimaginable that i don't even try. When i look in the mirror, when i look into my head i see the scum of the earth.

So...Yes i sabotage, yes i destroy. Sometimes i do it on purpose, sometimes it's just so natural that i don't even notice.

Anyway, not sure what else to say right now. Apart from reading that back, makes me really sad. I am not sure how i got here.

 

[Jazzey]

Welcome back, Domo...:support:

Sometimes Domo, we have to look forward to get better. Not focus on the things we've done 'wrong' (and btw, this is sooo subjective it's dangerous) in the past. Just a thought.

 

[Domo]

I haven't done anything wrong. I am what's wrong.

 

[forgetmenot]

No you are not whats wrong Your illness is unstable right now it is your illness that is wrong not you.

 

[Jazzey]

I haven't done anything wrong. I am what's wrong.

No. 1) you haven't done anything wrong and 2) you're struggling. It doesn't "make" anything wrong with you. Domo - it's ok to struggle with things. It's ok to feel badly and have suicidal ideations - there's nothing wrong with that. But, you do have to take care of yourself in recognizing that all of this is just part of your thought process - nothing less, nothing more....

I hope this makes sense...

 

[forgetmenot]

Hey Domo hope you are feeling better today and that you are able to get rested up a bit now the weekend is here take care.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just wanted to let you know I"m thinking of you. :hug:

 

[Murray]

Hi Domo,
I just wanted to send some good thoughts your way. I hope that you are feeling alright and are taking care of yourself.

I haven't done anything wrong. I am what's wrong.

As Jazzey and Violet have said, you are NOT what's wrong. You are struggling right now and experiencing challenges, but that doesn't make you "wrong". I know that things can be so hard sometimes, but that doesn't make you "wrong".

Try to have a good weekend and be kind to yourself.

 

[Domo]

Thank you everyone

I had somewhat of a nice weekend. I went down to my unit (the place i bought but haven't moved into for those of you who don't know) and spent the night by myself. I sat outside drank coffee, smoked cigarettes and read. I felt pretty calm. My brother visited with cheddar this morning too which was nice.

I'd love to say i'm feeling better, and i suppose i am a bit. My moods are just still all over the place. Right now i am feeling agitated. But ok in the big picture.

Thank you again for the support. I hope i have the opportunity to be able to offer it back

 

[Jackie]

Domo,

I am thinking of you too! I have read your posts just way to busy to reply at the moment. Sending you posititves and hugs.

 

[forgetmenot]

Keep your doctor updated okay Domo the change over in medication needs to be watched carefully okay i am glad you are safe and your brother brought cheddar over I laugh because i thought at first he brought you some cheese duh i just woke up mind not clear yet

 

[Domo]

I see him next week i think. This week i am doubling my dosage (as per the plan he set up for me).

I must admit my cheeky side does find amusement in making people think i am talking about cheese :teehee: