Mother problem!

[Heather]

I have this problem and I do not know who to turn to about it.

OK here it is:

My parents were both abused as children, as were my grandparents. My parents (particularly my mother then went on to abuse my siblings and I). Then they separated.

Anyway she (mum) clings on to us for her own needs, but I have moved out of home and so has my brother, which leaves my sister with her alone and they live quite a distance from my brother and I. Now this has been fine until now because my sister has been finishing her schooling and has needed to stay with mum. However my sister is finishing her exams now and soon will be wanting to move out and away from mum. Now this may seem like a normal thing to do but it is going to cause crap in my family. Basically mum is living my sisters life, what I mean is she everything that my sister does mum is involved in, such as her singing and dancing, she looks like the perfect mother! But it isn't healthy for my sister to live there anymore and she wants to move to go to uni (far away from where mum lives) and I am so worried that mum will follow her, she says she will and if my sister won't have her she will follow me I think (because my brother will tell her to go get). Now I dunno what to do my mum has severe problems, she really needs help but will not take it. She severely abused us children and allowed others to abuse us and yet she sincerely thinks that she was a great mum, she couldn't even raise us; I raised my siblings pretty much! *Sigh* I am so stressed, I just dunno what to do, she really needs help.

Heather

 

[Eunoia]

hun, I totally understand what it's like to deal w/ family issues.. and overinvolved parents... but I have no answers for you. my mom is currently driving me nuts too and I'm pretty much in the position that your sister is in right now.... and I have no idea how to get my mom to see what she's doing is wrong and not healthy and how to get her to get her own life..... the only thing I'm hoping is that maybe she can find something she enjoys doing... that will keep her somewhat occupied.. maybe your mom can do the same? to somewhat start building up her own life again??? I don't think you can get your mom to go get help, that hasnt worked w/ me either... especially if she doesn't even see what the issues are! the best thing you and your sibs can do is to stay healthy (emotionally, mentally, physically...) and establish your own lives and identies seperate from your mom/family... and get away (like you and your brother did)... set boundaries the best that you can. do you really think your mom will move w/ your sister????

 

[Heather]

Thanks for the reply,

I do not know what to do, I wish she would go away!!! *sigh*

I really think she will move with my sister, my sister is 17, will be 18 soon and really needs to get out on her own!

I will think about this and let you know if I come up with anything because it sounds like you could do with help right now too.

Heather...