Need advice: I'm in a relationship with an alcoholic

[foghlaim]

if it were me, he'd find his stuff on the curb.? For every minute he remains in your house you run the risk of weakening and being right back where you started..stick to your guns!!!!.

Fancy:? TL is right.. and i would say the same thing to you..?
( i know it's not easy)

you can do this!

Have faith in yourself ok!!
thinking of you.

 

[fancy792]

Just to give you an update! He didn't make the last connection between the train and the bus for here. I'm drained. He will be in this afternoon. I've spoke to the kids to prepare them and they said that they didn't want to be there. They want to be away for when I tell him. I'm happy that they are not giving me ahard time and they said" Mom we understand and will have more money to do things".

My kids are 12 and 9! Well both very mature as well. Life hasn't been easy!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Keep taking deep breaths and keep reminding yourself why you made this decision, Fancy.

 

[foghlaim]

Mom we understand

well done for preparing the kids Fancy.. can't have been easy..
seeing the response they gave you makes me think that sometimes we under estimate how supportive our kids can be with a few words.? ? Now you know... that they know what you are doing is ok and the right thing to do.... take strength from that.


"out of the mouths of babes"? ?is a saying we have over here.. and i think it's pretty apt here.

 

[fancy792]

I'm planning for saturday! Found a place safe for the kids and I will join them after. I will engage the conversation I think in the afternoon. I made my decisions and I will stick to it. I have a friend that has been helping me and making me see clearly the situation. She spended time with me and share her painful memories. Her experiences helps so much.

Thank you so much "New Friend"

 

[fancy792]

Today is the day! I'm ready to tell him.

I'm very nervous and shaky, but I'm ready. I trully want this.

Tks for everyone that supported me and help me!

I will keep you all posted.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I wish you all the best with this.

 

[ThatLady]

Best of luck to you, sweetie. I know how hard this is, but you'll be so much happier when it's all behind you! Please, keep us posted.

 

[fancy792]

I did It :!

I've told him and he said "he knew it was coming". That he made some changes after his trip and made decisions to change his life. His concentration was to find work. Well I offered him 2 shifts of work and he took only the easy one and the shortness.(I'm a manager in a placement agency) This is another lie....He also said how comfortable he got and he took advantage of it and he was sorry...he wants to change that and again the same circle.....Then......

He started to cry and saying his life was over, that he loves me and he wants me to have the best. Then he turn and said that I had someone else that was the only reason and that he understand(God knows I will be single for a very long time). He asks me if I was and I've answered with a question so he determines that?s the reason. I left it there or else it wouldn't have taken too much time. I said no matter what you believe, It Over!

Now he drove him to his brother and I left. Now that worked. Then I meet with my friends and stayed all night with them.

Last night he called 4 times. Left messages and I've deleted them without listening. I know now it the hardest because he will try to contact and work his way back in. I will not accept that.

Some of my stress is a bit better. My back pains have been reduce. I've slept well no dreams.
I'm more afraid now of what he may do or not. This is where before I gave in by pity and exhaustion. I will not talk to him this way his tricks won't work.

This is pretty much what happend! If anyone has advice , opinion, I'm open to it 100%

Tks again for the support I got from the board & my new friend!

 

[foghlaim]

well done Fancy... Proud of you..

*s*

nsa.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm more afraid now of what he may do or not.

Do you mean to you or to himself? or just in general?

 

[ThatLady]

Huzzah, Fancy! You done done it, girl! Good for you! Now, all you have to do is exactly what you're doing. If he leaves a message on your phone, delete it without listening to it. If he shows up at your work, tell him you'll call the police to have him removed if he doesn't leave on his own. You've proven you can stand on your own two feet and meet him nose to nose. You're ever so much stronger than he is! You deserve to be very, very proud of what you've done!

 

[fancy792]

This is hard to get away....he's persistant. Keeps calling and trying to get in contact with me. How to get him to back off?

 

[ThatLady]

Just continue to refuse to answer his calls. If you happen to pick up the phone and it's him, hang up. He's going to be persisitant, because he's gotten away with this kind of behavior before. However, if you just keep ignoring his very existance, he'll eventually give up.

 

[fancy792]

Just a quick message.....it been one week! This is a first! I'm proud and happy...time to work on me and find who I am!

He's now focusing on him and surviving, he leaves me alone more.

 

[ThatLady]

Good for you, Fancy! It sounds like you're on your way!

 

[foghlaim]

Brilliant.. Fancy... way to go!!

i'm delighted u feel so proud and happy.. u deserve to be..

*s*

nsa

 

[fancy792]

Well the pressure is still there. He's trying everything in the book.

Talking about book :study:, someone recommanded "Self Matters" by Dr Phil.
I'm in the first chapter and it seems really good. I'm hoping to get stronger and get ahead. Anyone read it yet? and did it help you?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I hate Dr. Phil, personally, but I'm in favor of anything that helps you.

 

[fancy792]

Any other suggestion, books that would help with the same topics mentionned above?