Need Advice

[awthedude]

I am confused as what to do in my current situation. When I was a lot younger and living in scotland because my dad was in the navy (we've since moved back to the united states) I was friends with this kid. His mom was just really messed up. She did some really awful things to him and to me. It happened several times but anyway my question is I have been having these flashblacks lately. Actually there not really flashbacks there more like emotional bursts. I don't remember any specifics of what happened when I have these outbursts I just feel really scared and panicked. I remember a lot of what happened but don't have many emotions about it but now it seems like maybe these are the emotions. Anyway, I don't really want to talk to someone about it in person cause it would be too wierd. Basically, I just want all these emotions to go away. How do you think I could get that to happen?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Those "emotional bursts" you are experiencing may well be previously repressed/suppressed emotional memories pushing through into consciousness, aka PTSD.

Getting these memories to go away may not be possible any more. You may need to address them with a therapist. Trust me: Whatever you experienced, the therapist has probably heard it before.

 

[awthedude]

Still Not Sure

I know you say I should see a therapist but I don't think I could bring myself to do it right now. I am 20 and I feel like I am too old to be having these problems. A lot of my friends say talking to someone would help alot but they don't understand what that actually means. I don't think I could bring myself to do it. One of my friends, Dan, gets extremely upset if I talk about what happened at all now because I refuse to get help and take his advice. I wish he would just listen to me and understand why I don't feel I can do that. It just seems to hard.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I can understand that, dude. I do think what you imagine the experience is going to be is much much worse than it actually would be but it's the kind of thing you have to get "psyched up" for or just get to a certain point in your life where you're ready for it. My point really was that i don't know if you're going to be able to expect much relief from these "emotional bursts" by continuing to try to just tough it out or deal with it on your own.

In the meantime, though, have a look at some of the books listed at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/survivor.htm and http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/adultchild.htm (scroll down the page a bit). If you click on the book titles, you'll be taken to an Amazon description of the book along comments from people who have read the book -- you might find some helpful resources there.

 

[awthedude]

Thanks for the help and books. I've read a lot of books at the University library where I go to school and they help in some ways but they don't in others. More than anything I am sick of holding this big secret to myself if that makes anysense. I feel this way even though I've told a lot of people about what happened including my parents. It still seems like a big secret do you know why that might be? Thanks,

 

[Cat Dancer]

Is there a counselor on campus that you could talk to about this? That might help.

 

[awthedude]

I already talked to a counselor on campus and they directed me to a few different therapists but i didn't call them. I think I just got scared or something.,

 

[ThatLady]

You really need to go ahead and make that call. Put the fear behind you and your goal in front of you. Then, make that call. Therapy can only help you, hon.

 

[awthedude]

Thanks

 

[awthedude]

I wanted to add that I still live at my parents while I finish college and they don't want me to see a therapist. I think they think that makes me messed up in the head or something. So they really want me to tough it out I think. I've talked to my mom about it before. Any advice? I was thinking I am moving out next year maybe I could just hold off on seeing a therapist till then so my parents don't get upset. Does that seem stupid?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Would you be dependent on them to pay for a therapist? Otherwise, why not just make an appointment and tell them this is something you need to do for yourself...

 

[awthedude]

Yeah, it is there insurance and I dont want to upset them. My mom just couldn't see why I wanted to seek help now when I was allright with it for so many years. She thinks it is other stress that's bringing it all to a front. Either way it is just too much for me and she can't see that. My dad is pretty passive about the whole thing plus I don't talk about personal things with him very often.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Okay, then what about telling her it's not about what happened years ago, it's about coping with stress in your life now, at college and elsewhere?

 

[awthedude]

I guess I could try that. I'll try that in the next few days. They are leaving on vacation tomorrow so I'll have to wait a while before I can try that. They are very independent people and feel I should deal with my own problems. I don't think they see this from my perspective, that this is ME seeking therapy for MYSELF. Thanks for the advice.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Good luck, dude. In the end, it really IS about you, not them.

 

[awthedude]

thanks for your help