One liners

[Daniel E.]

"What’s the point of having children if you can’t buy their love?"

~ Homer Simpson

 

[Daniel E.]

"I don’t blame my parents for my dysfunctions… I blame their parents."

~ Richard Lewis

 

[Daniel E.]

"I would slam this door right now, but it would startle me, so just imagine I did."

~ Shelon, Young Sheldon

 

[Daniel E.]

"The only thing it did for the fleas was make them smell nice too."

~ Amazon review for flea and tick shampoo

 

[Daniel E.]

"I wouldn't take a rattlesnake to them..."

~ negative Google review for a vet's office

 

[Daniel E.]

"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back."

~ Richard Lewis

 

[Daniel E.]

Nightmare job description for introverts:

"Job is best suited for a person with an upbeat personality and who enjoys working with people."

 

[gooblax]

Nightmare job description for introverts:

"Job is best suited for a person with an upbeat personality and who enjoys working with people."

Someone once described me as "bubbly"... compared to a quiet reserved German guy. :lol:

 

[Daniel E.]

From another job ad:

"These are long-term temporary opportunities."

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[gooblax]

I guess it didn't want to be treated by a quack.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I guess it didn't want to be treated by a quack.

Ha ha! Best of the day!

 

[Daniel E.]

"A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond."

 

[Daniel E.]

"Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud."

 

[Daniel E.]

"At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?"

 

[Daniel E.]

"Any married person should forget their mistakes. No use two people remembering the same thing."

 

[Daniel E.]

Jackie: Roseanne, where do you keep your spices?

Roseanne: In the salt shaker.

~ Roseanne

 

[Daniel E.]

 

[Daniel E.]

"Reading these cases in a vacuum with no history is reserved for residency training torture."

~ Adam Watson, DVM

 

[Daniel E.]

"I was happy when I first heard Ronald Reagan was running for the presidency; I've always thought, once you're in show business you should stay in it."

"I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom."

"If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right."

"I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals."

~ Bob Hope