Question on therapy and adult survivors

[Jazzey]

I'm currently in Therapy. I think I may have already asked this question but I guess I'm being a little more direct this time.

There are certain topics (such a childhood abuse) that I don't discuss with my psychologist. She knows about it, but that's the extent of her knowledge. I also don't discuss my feelings about the rape or my memories tied to the rape.

If your therapist doesn't bring up these topics, does this mean that they think those items are secondary to other issues that are more pressing? Is she waiting for me to bring it up? What if I'm never ready to bring those topics to the table?

I recently asked a similar question and, while I appreciate that I have to work through these things, I don't know why my psychologist hasn't brought them up. Am I supposed to lead those discussions in therapy? Or is she simply waiting for me to relax a little before we tackle some of those things.

So far, we've only dealt with resolving life issues - such at my not wanting to be around people and a past relationship that I had - i.e. my fear of relationships.

 

[Into The Light]

If your therapist doesn't bring up these topics, does this mean that they think those items are secondary to other issues that are more pressing? Is she waiting for me to bring it up?

i have a couple of thoughts on this. i don't think your therapist thinks those items are secondary, and here's why.

for me, there are certain subjects that require work over the longterm. we work on those, but often those subjects get interrupted because of what's happening right now in my life. things that happen now i will need to work out with my therapist and often it's tied to past experiences that in some way aren't resolved for me. we work on that, and then we go back to the main issues at hand.

it may be that right now you have more immediate issues that need attention, and that that is why you are working on those and why she is focusing on those.

however, i think she may also be waiting on you to be ready and to take the lead where it comes to those subjects you haven't gone into. my therapist follows my lead, and checks in with me often with regards to where i want to go. i like this, but at the same time it's difficult for me too, because oftentimes i have to make a conscious decision on whether we go down a certain path or not. that is by no means an easy choice because i sometimes just don't know what i need or if it would be helpful to me.

What if I'm never ready to bring those topics to the table?

based on my own experience, i suspect that you may never be 100% ready but you may gradually go from 0 to 50%. then things may be on your mind for a bit and they then kind of become the focus of where your thoughts go. eventually it may bother you enough that you do bring it up.

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks ITL. That does help.

The last time I saw her, she asked if she could be "an advocate" for me. She didn't really say that I needed to stay in therapy. So now I'm confused about it. I think I may lean on her more than on my own thoughts. I'd like her to tell me what it is that I need to do, if that makes any sense at all. In fact, I would have liked to hear form her - "yes, you do need to continue with therapy". But those words never came out of her mouth, even when I asked her directly.

 

[Into The Light]

what did she mean by being an advocate?

i think the reason she didn't tell you you need to stay in therapy is because this is something you need to decide for yourself and pursue of your own volition. i've wondered myself at times if i needed to continue and it would have been nice for my therapist to say to me, "yes, you need this" - but she never did either and i doubt she ever would.

if it helps any, i think therapy would be very helpful to you at this stage. i would continue to see her if i were you, and maybe you could also bring up the confusion you are feeling around it with her.

 

[Jazzey]

what did she mean by being an advocate?

I'm not sure either ITL. I think she meant that she would force me to make better choices for myself. But I'm not sure. At the time, I was still reeling in the fact that she told me it was the last appointment. Quickly followed up with the "will you let me be your advocate?" statement. So I was still stuck on whether she was suggesting that I didn't need to see her anymore, and just left before the end of the session.

 

[Into The Light]

why did she tell you it was the last appointment?

 

[Jazzey]

It was the last "scheduled" appointment. But I hadn't really appreciated that there were no more scheduled appointments. So they ran out without my booking any further appointments. I usually pre-book about 8-10 appointments. So they're booked long in advance on a bi-weekly basis. I didn't know I'd run out.

 

[Always Changing]

You could also regardless of what you are dealing with at present in sessions, just say to her or write it out... "this is what has been going on with me since we last spoke" and take it from there, like ITL has said in her post, sometimes other issues come up that need attention and I think this is one of those times for you Jazzey. imho of course.

take care :hug:

 

[Into The Light]

here's what i'd do. tomorrow pre-book another 8 - 10 sessions, and then make it a habit to pre-book a replacement session after each session. that way you won't run out again. i imagine that must have been rather unpleasant for you to run out.

i would also request that should there be a cancellation that they add you to the list to call.

as for her being your advocate, i'd bring that up next time and ask her to clarify. maybe she was asking for permission to get on your case should you need it in terms of healthier behaviour? because clearly that would be counter-productive if she tried without you being ok with that.

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you AC. :hug: I have thought of starting to journal some of the thoughts that I'm having for the next session. I think it's a good idea. (I keep one journal for therapy only purposes but haven't used it in a while).

 

[Always Changing]

an idea to start you off again could be to use what you have written here over the past few weeks. I often refer to my own posts here on psychlinks to help me to write my diary,,, taking a line here and there and expanding on them sometimes.
It helps me to see where my moods are at times as well, I have an atrocious memory as regards time lines.