[Trigger] Question: Why?

[Retired]

I think we can all agree that in order to see clearly, get back your energy to get your personal matters in order, the priority is to get good sleep on a regular basis, and to plan your meals ahead of time so you can eat well.

I agree with ITL that this might be a good time to make an appointment with your family doctor or psychiatrist if you have one.

Tell the doctor about your suicidal thoughts and that you need help with your sleep.

Your disrupted sleep may be caused by intrusive thoughts which I recall we talked about in another discussion. Since I discovered this link, I have used the strategies described there myself to overcome the types of thoughts that keep me from sleeping at times.

We probably agree, too, that fast food restaurants are OK for occasional meals, but in additon to being expensive, their nutritional value leaves a lot to be desired.

Perhaps start with simple preparations, with variety including salads,grains, legumes and lean meats or fish. Consider doing a small grocery shopping this Wednesday or Thursday for the weekend, so you can start eating well this week.

Once you feel a bit stronger, Sue, using your resourcefulness, you can start working on the work related issues.

At this point, consider starting with the priority..getting yourself stronger; then move on to solving the other issues.

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks Steve.I don't have a psychiatrist and it would about one month to see my family DR replacement. So I don't know if clinics are allowed to sleep aid.

When I get home I don't care about eating but I will have to force myself. I got some food in the freezer just to much bother to prepare it.

Sue

 

[Into The Light]

in cases like this i always find it best to make as many arrangements as possible; it is always easier to cancel an appointment if not needed then it is to get one fast when you don't have one yet.

so: i would say contact the clinics anyway and also make the appointment with your doctor.

also, i have found that in cases of emergency there is usually a slot open for me to see my doctor. emphasize on the phone that you really need to get in as soon as possible. if you explain it is dire they will probably see you sooner.

with regards to food, you can buy ready made salads at the supermarket, and some places sell ready roasted chicken or ham. combine that with a roll and you have simple complete meal that can last you a couple of days.

you can also buy ready made fruit salads. in the organics section they have soups made up of all kinds of vegetables. if you look you can also find juices made up of both fruit and vegetable juices.

i can't think of a lot of other practically ready & healthy foods but those are at least a couple of choices to get you started.

i hope this helps.

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks

Sue

I forgot to tell you my appointment with the CMHA is Wednesday also and by the time I come back from Ottawa I probably wouldn't make it on time or be to tired like last time I went up so I just got my Friday appointment with the Family Counseling Center.

Sue

I tried calling the Nurse consultant with WSIB hoping I can talk to her. Well she is away for 2 weeks back on the 20th. So I wonder what is going to happen now with the fact I was hoping to file a claim for the bullying. I hadn't talk to her since the day after I cut myself. I felt she cared I want some resolution concerning this. I am not eating and sleeping properly and I need time off to recuperate.
I am mad.

Also I come home to a lonely house nobody to talk to about what is going on in my life. I just want somebody to hold me and tell me everything will be OK. My friend I haven't seen him in a few months. We talk occasionally on the phone. He is busy with work and major personal issues. But I miss him. I love him so much it hurts especially now that I am going through this B.S of a major depression.
I am glad I have this forum to come to it helps. But I feel so lonely anyway because of the lack of support I have outside this forum.

I am just so frustrated and tired of this B.S. I just want more help then I am getting now.

Sue

 

[Retired]

I know it seems overwhelming at thei time, which is why you need to deal with one thing at a time.

ITL has some good suggestions to get ready prepared meals from the supermarket.

Around Ottawa the Loblaws and Loblaws SuperStores have prepared meals as well as Farm Boy. Ready made salads come in bags and all you need issome oil/vinegar or your favorite salad dressing.

It's worth calling your doctor's office and as ITL says, tell them you need an appointment as soon as possible. It's OK to tell the person answering the phone you are having thoughts of suicide, and difficulty to sleep so they understand your need for an appointment.

If not, try one of the walk in clinics around town.

Do you have a spiritual advisor to whom you can speak? Are you living in Ontario or in Quebec. The reason I ask is because Quebec has CLSC's which can offer some services.

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks Steve for your help. I live in Ontario I won't say were and we have a Farm Boys also.

I called my counselor from F.C.C. and told him what I am going through and he returned my call and said that if I have to see the crisis team or go to the hospital do it or I call him he might have time to talk to me for 5 minutes. My other psychoanalyst called and answered a brief not important question. So at lunch time I left another voice mail stating how thing are now with me not eating enough and my thoughts of that suicide is possible if a major crisis happens. That I didn't believe in it before but I do now. I also mentioned that I am not eating and sleeping properly. I see him on the 17th and the other this Friday.

Sue
Now if I could just get my appetite back.

 

[Retired]

It sounds like some progress is being made, Sue. One step at a time and eventually each problem will be dealt with.

Now if I could just get my appetite back.

Perhaps this might be a good time to visit your local Farm Boy store and get a few of the pre cooked prepared meal items. Every time we visit our local Farm Boy, I enjoy looking at the wonderful choices they offer.

That way you won't need to do any preparation, just heat and eat.

The other suggestion I would propose is to get a few cans of Ensure at your pharmacy. They have some delicious flavors, and various varieties such as one version that includes fiber, which might be a good choice at this time.

Nestl? also makes a breakfast drink you might care to try

Some pharmacy chains have a "house brand" which is sometimes less expensive than the brand name products.

You would need to monitor the calorie intake of each bottle of the meal replacement to make sure you are getting enough total intake each day.

Your doctor can advise you on the calorie intake you need daily..for active people, I believe it's around 2000 calories a day.

You can calculate your own calorie intake requirement using the Mayo Clinic Calorie Calculator Click HERE The Mayo Clinic site will let you calculate your own needs to maintain your current weight plus provide nutritional information.

Ensure contains between 250 and 350 calories per serving, depending on the one you choose, so you need to take enough food plus any supplement or meal replacement to get the amount of calorie intake you need.

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks Steve

I went out for breakfast this morning and did eat a small breakfast and i had coffee. Things went well at work as the jobs given to me were ok and nobody gave me troubled. I wasn't so tired today I think because of the caffeine from the coffee I ate 1/2 a sandwich. For supper I order a small pizza and at the beginning of the week they give you an order of poutine for free. So I had some poutine and 1 slice of pizza. So I got enough leftover for 3 meals.
I just worry that when my light duties are over and I am done physio they will expect me to do what I use to do before this injury. I was on modified work then but they would push me to do more or if I had a hard time to do a job they would make me feel like an idiot and take there sweet old time to move to an easier job. So sometimes in the past I would go home with very little strength left because I was afraid to say anything or waited to late. Right now I am a WSIB case so they treat me better but when I am done next week that is another story.
As long as everybody would treat me with respect and dignity and understanding things would be better but some employees who are not lead hands give me a hard time even when I know am doing my best.
I am just not sure how to deal with issues when they make you feel inferior useless and incompetent and they get mad if you can't do your job due to health reason. So the goods days are ok sometimes depending how much on edge I am and what kind of mood they are in. But then you get a good short spell then a bad long spell and my brain can't handle anymore bad spells.

Tomorrow I go to Ottawa to get my MRI with the dye. I think that is why I feel good I am hoping they will find out what is wrong with my back and I don't have to go to work.

Thanks for your time.

Sue

 

[Into The Light]

good luck tomorrow sue. keeping my fingers crossed for you. :crossfingers:

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks ITL. I had my last MRI about 3-4 weeks ago and I found out last Monday the technician wants it redone with the dye. My family DR secretary says they are not sure but my Ottawa DR secretary says it's DDD but they want to confirm it for sure. But to get the appointment in less then 2 weeks is very fast.

I feel there is something going on in my body but nobody wants to listen to me. Lower back problems upper back problems shoulder and neck area, tendinitis that just won't go away unless I am on prednisone and I tested positive on a gene call HLA-B27 which I never heard of until last year. Also last year I had sudden hearing lost in both ears that was corrected with high doses of prednisone.

Maybe it is old age arthritis but I have a gut feeling it could be something else also.

Thanks Again

Sue

 

[Always Changing]

I hope today is a better day for you and that your appointment for the mri goes well also.

 

[Retired]

Maybe it is old age arthritis but I have a gut feeling it could be something else also.

Aging results in changes in our bodies, that send mixed signals. It's why I believe it's important to have annual medical checkups with the family doctor, along with periodic diagnostic testing depending on whether you happen to be a man or woman.

Women: PAP smears, mamography, bone density, colonoscopy, chest Xray.

Men: Prostate screening, colonoscopy, chest Xray

Other specific tests may be ordered depending on one's medical history, so this is where being a partner in one's health care is important.

Relying on the docotor's interpretation should put your mind at ease, because trying to second guess the test results only leads to frustration and constant wondering about every ache we experience.

In aging, we need to adapt to the constant changes in limitations of our bodies.

Keeping active, and doing stretching exercises can help as we age.

 

[suewatters1]

Hi Steve I am back. The MRI was of my middle and lower back. Different pictures then the last one.
What I said about maybe being something else is the fact I got a lot of the symptoms of a certain arthritis and I tested positive for a certain Gene and these people who have that usually have a hard time to get rid of their tendinitis and they might have hearing problems and last year I had sudden hearing lost in both ears and was almost deaf until I was put on prednisone. But it could also be due to the bad fall I had at work in 2004 since my back problems started then.
I had many pap test and in the last few years they weren't great so about every 6 months I get a colposcopy. I camera inside the you know where to check for spot on my cervices and I had some bad inflammation there last fall. My next visit is next week hoping there is no spots this time.

Regarding the medication I top by my family DR office where he works at a clinic and he is still out and they are not sure when he will be back. The other DR is away till the 21st and the Registered Nurse Practitioner can't give me the medication I use for my anxiety which is also good for sleeping because my family DR never prescribed them to me. It was my psychiatrist who I haven't seen in almost 2 years and a local clinic gave me enough in June just for a few weeks.
Original the Secretary told me it wouldn't be till the November before I could see a DR but I did what you said and told her my situation and the waiting room was empty so that helped and she and another lady start talking and they said they will try to find a DR who will prescribe some for me and if I don't here from them by Friday to call them. They know where I get my medication filled out. My anxiety pills are oxazepam 10mg and I want to take it twice a day. One in the morning and one at bedtime. Also I know it goes under another name and the hospital uses it as a sleeping pill.
I saw the pharmacist and told her my situation and the fact that they are trying to get a DR to fill out a prescription for me. They know from my files how long I have been on that medication so it is not a new drug for me. So this way no surprises when the DR checks to makes sure I am not just a junkie.

Also I bought some Boost with added calorie to try. Not cheap. But was told by the pharmacist it taste better then Ensure which is more expensive. Also the no name brand is is just like Ensure a chalky taste to it. She recommend putting it in a blender with ice to make it like a shake.

Long day time to relax

Thanks everyone for your support. I have been feeling better the last couple of days. No pressure at work yesterday and today it was OK as I was taking care of what needed to be done.

Sue

 

[Halo]

Glad to hear that the MRI is done and that you are taking care of getting your medication and Boost. I am also happy to hear that work has been a little better the last few days.

Take care

 

[Retired]

You have done well, Sue by taking charge of various aspects of your situation! You must be very pleased.

My anxiety pills are oxazepam 10mg and I want to take it twice a day. One in the morning and one at bedtime. Also I know it goes under another name

The original brand name for oxazepam is Serax which is an effective and safe minor tranquilizer (benzodiazepine). It's a clean medication in the sense it does not cause any drug / drug interactions.

I have been feeling better the last couple of days

Your post tonight reflects your improved mood, which is very good to see.

I hope things continue to go well for you!

:cool2:

 

[suewatters1]

Everyone I mentioned to the Pharmacist/Owner today about what was going with me. Well another of her Pharmacist(one I don't like) called to make sure everything was OK and if I needed help to call them and they would call the crisis team for me. I didn't expect her to tell everyone but I guess if they get the call for my meds they would have to know.

I also told the Owner about the fact the last time I saw the crisis team it was a team I had saw earlier in the year and they made me feel like I was wasting there time because it was the same issues and I should just call the hot line and talk to my counselors. She looked surprised.

That was very nice of the Pharmacist to check up on me. I wasn't expecting that.
Also Halo Thanks

Sue

Thanks Steve I am please. But I have been doing that all my life advocating for myself. Nothing new. I was the one 24 years ago who asked my Family DR to get me a psychiatrist. My family wouldn't go as far as I do to advocate for there health but that is them.
I have been doing this for so long. But I get tired of fighting the system all the time. It's like hitting your head against a brick wall.

Sue

The Pharmacist called say my prescription was in 1/2 tablet twice a day. and it was ready I told her I thought I was getting 1 tablet twice a day. The only time I got 1/2 tablet twice a day was from the local clinic when she wrote a prescription for Valium instead. My Pharmacist called her back about having given me the wrong prescription but never got the dose changed. Usually for the last 20+ years it would be one 10mg tablet once a day as needed. But most time I cut it in half but not always.

Now this time I wanted one 10mg tablet twice a day as needed. I am going through some rough time the minimum doses they have is 10mg so I feel I should have the choice of having 10mg twice a days as needed. So if anybody catches me taking 10mg on the rough days I could get in trouble. I want everything to be on the up and up. This not a new drug for me 20+ years I know if I will need the full 10mg or less. The problems I am having now is worse then I ever had before except maybe when I first start taking this drug way back when.
I told the pharmacist if it can't be change I will have no choice but to take it. She will call them back tomorrow.
All my life I was allowed 10 mg but because of a screw up in May I might end up paying for it now.

I am mad. I might not need the full tablet but I want that option during this crisis.

Sue

 

[Into The Light]

sue, you are doing a really good job taking care of yourself and speaking up. i am really glad to hear the pharmacist checked in with you to see if you were ok. it sounds like everyone around you is taking this seriously as they should be. you are doing all the right things. the medication issue will hopefully be sorted out in the next day or so. don't give up :goodjob:

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks ITL
Because it's benzodiazepine type drug most DR who don't know me would give me a hard time just to get the 1/2 tablet,
I told the Pharmacist/Owner I wanted 10 mg twice a day as needed. They can check my files to see what dose I was taking in the past. This crisis is more serious.

I am just I hate having to keep against a brick wall.

All my life it's been this way. Fight Fight Fight. That is one of the reason I am so mentally tired. Just so tired of fighting. I don't want to fight the establishments anymore.

Sue

 

[Into The Light]

hang in there sue. the reason they are holding off is because they need to be careful who the drugs are given to. they are just doing their job. you've done a really good job today and i think people have been concerned and helpful to you. i know it's frustrating right now but as you said, it's in your file and hopefully that should get things fixed for you.

don't give up ok? take a break, try to be kind to yourself and do something comforting or relaxing. you deserve it.

 

[suewatters1]

I Know but it is just frustrating. Like the MRI I had a few weeks back I begged and pleaded with the DR for it now they had to do a follow up one with the dye looking the area of my back that is giving me lots of trouble because they feel there might be something more going on.

I fight when most people would have already given up. I am just tired of it all.

Sorry but I am not in a good mood

Thanks for your support