• Quote of the Day
    "The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you."
    Leo F. Buscaglia, posted by Daniel

Daniel

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"It's only when we recognize that selves are rivers, flowing onwards in a never-ending process of becoming, that we are able to be fully compassionate."

~ Bodhipaksa
 

Daniel

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“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.”

~ Audre Lorde
 

Daniel

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The way we view closure matters. Compare the statement “I’m gaining closure every day” with “I don’t have closure yet.” You know straight away which feels kinder, more healing, less self-judging.
 

David Baxter

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I think it's essential to understand that after a breakup, particularly a less than friendly breakup as most are, you may not get the answers you seek. By that I mean your ex may not permit you to ask questions or to provide answers to your questions. That is very common.

"I have nothing to say to you and I don't want you to call me any more."

That may be the only response you get.

So what then?

Your only recourse may be to examine everything you know about your ex and about the relationship, and to generate various hypotheses ("guesses" if you like) as to what happened, what went wrong, why the relationship ended, especially if your ex was the one who ended it. Include yourself and your behavior or actions as well as those of your ex in these scenarios where it seems relevant.

Then examine each of those hypotheses in the light of what you know about your ex. Which one seems the most plausible? Which one seems to explain the most about how then relationship evolved and how it ended?

That may be your best answer, or at least the best answer you are going to get. Use that to move toward some closure on the relationship and to regain some control over your life again, instead of being buffeted by all the questions and uncertainties you have.
 

Daniel

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“People will try to achieve status, and a lot of time, whether they like you or don’t like you may have nothing to do with who you are. We see this in all kinds of species. They preferentially tend to spend time, outside of mating, with either individuals who are similar to them in status, individuals who are similar to them in personality, individuals who are similar to them in some sort of way genetically, so, family. So if you don’t have anything in common that is equally valuable to both parties, then you will likely be rejected. It’s kind of an inevitability.”

~ Jennifer Verdolin, PhD
 

Daniel

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We treat our fellow citizens as servants, as students, or simply as obstacles—choosing the comfort of clear hierarchical norms over the awkwardness of open-ended and unpredictable encounters with our equals. What is most important in life—and what we desperately need more of as a society—happens in those awkward in-between spaces that the rules did not anticipate.
 

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