• Quote of the Day
    "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
    George Burns, posted by David Baxter

Daniel

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"It's only when we recognize that selves are rivers, flowing onwards in a never-ending process of becoming, that we are able to be fully compassionate."

~ Bodhipaksa
 

Daniel

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“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.”

~ Audre Lorde
 

Daniel

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The way we view closure matters. Compare the statement “I’m gaining closure every day” with “I don’t have closure yet.” You know straight away which feels kinder, more healing, less self-judging.
 

David Baxter

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I think it's essential to understand that after a breakup, particularly a less than friendly breakup as most are, you may not get the answers you seek. By that I mean your ex may not permit you to ask questions or to provide answers to your questions. That is very common.

"I have nothing to say to you and I don't want you to call me any more."

That may be the only response you get.

So what then?

Your only recourse may be to examine everything you know about your ex and about the relationship, and to generate various hypotheses ("guesses" if you like) as to what happened, what went wrong, why the relationship ended, especially if your ex was the one who ended it. Include yourself and your behavior or actions as well as those of your ex in these scenarios where it seems relevant.

Then examine each of those hypotheses in the light of what you know about your ex. Which one seems the most plausible? Which one seems to explain the most about how then relationship evolved and how it ended?

That may be your best answer, or at least the best answer you are going to get. Use that to move toward some closure on the relationship and to regain some control over your life again, instead of being buffeted by all the questions and uncertainties you have.
 

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