AmZ
Member
The Clozapine knocked me out but because I took it during the night, it's 9am now and I've only just managed to come to. Totally grogged out all morning. So that's where I hope they'll let me do things differently and take it at 10pm because of this reason. And it took a good hour or so to kick in. And hopefully it's affects will last throughout the whole night if I take it at 10pm.
(Turtle- the same happens to me with the posts. It doesn't update/bounce it in the recent posts section etc )
(Turtle- the same happens to me with the posts. It doesn't update/bounce it in the recent posts section etc )
AmZ
Member
Yeah. I'm not complaining. Hopefully just taking it those few hours earlier will do the trick.
I didn't have to get up this morning for anything as Fri and Sat are our weekend days. So I had a great lay in. Caught up on a lot of sleep. 11.30am and I'm just getting out of bed!
I didn't have to get up this morning for anything as Fri and Sat are our weekend days. So I had a great lay in. Caught up on a lot of sleep. 11.30am and I'm just getting out of bed!
Maybe the doctor has a reason for giving the medication at a later time - have you asked them? In an earlier post you stated that you have no trouble falling asleep but difficulty remaining asleep - could it be they are simply going with the information you provided?
AmZ
Member
Turned out my psychiatrist had forgotten to add it to my medication sheet so it was just the nurses decision to say to only take it if I woke up during the night.
A nurse told me this afternoon that the psychiatrists (this morning) have changed my 10pm bedtime medication from Imovane to Clozapine. So I was meant to have it at 10pm but my psychiatrist forgot to add it to my med sheet on Thursday.
A nurse told me this afternoon that the psychiatrists (this morning) have changed my 10pm bedtime medication from Imovane to Clozapine. So I was meant to have it at 10pm but my psychiatrist forgot to add it to my med sheet on Thursday.
AmZ
Member
Hi peoples,
I've only made it to 5am sleeping. 12-5am. Getting light out and don't think I'll get back to sleep now.
5 hours of sleep is better than 2-3.
Still pretty difficult though.
I've only made it to 5am sleeping. 12-5am. Getting light out and don't think I'll get back to sleep now.
5 hours of sleep is better than 2-3.
Still pretty difficult though.
AmZ
Member
All I want to do is self harm. I can't go in to detail but I want to do something specific. So, as I am told to do, I went to the nurses office. My blog post from now:
I?m struggling.
I?m trying to reach out for help and nobody can offer me words of help or support.
I just went to the nurses station and said I?m having thoughts about hurting myself. In fact, that is all that?s going through my mind.
The nurse said ?you?ve been here for eighteen days and they haven?t changed your medications?!?. That?s all everyone says asides from the psychiatrists. I?ve just been left in a total state for 18 days and nothing has been changed.
I feel like my doctors have really given up on me. They increased the Clozapine to 80mg and it made no difference, they reduced the Prozac from 80mg to 60mg and kept the Seroquel at 600mg. Nothing else has been changed.
The nurse just said to me she doesn?t know what to say to me but that I should ask (again) my psychiatrist what is the plan regarding medications. Seemingly nothing.
The nurse have me 2mg Clonazepam and just sent me on my way and said to go and relax in bed. Which is what I?ve been doing all day, trying to read and not be in bed but I?m just frozen in bed with bad bad thoughts.
I feel hopeless and helpless.
It feels like nobody can help me and nobody is even trying any more. What have I been doing for 18 days here? Just rotting away even more, not sleeping properly, bad depressed mood, full of anger because they?re not doing anything to help me.
I just really don?t understand what the point of life is, on top of that, what is the purpose of me being in hospital. Really to just carry on not sleeping and being depressed and anxious and just thrown a load of meds at me that don?t work. And they know they don?t help. It?s been proven that every hour I have been to the nurses office to say that I?m still awake so that it can be written down in the report so the psychiatrists can see that I?m not BSing them.
Like I?ve got a reason to BS them and tell them I don?t feel well when I really do?! Because?? What a pile of s*it. Pardon my French.
I?m struggling.
I?m trying to reach out for help and nobody can offer me words of help or support.
I just went to the nurses station and said I?m having thoughts about hurting myself. In fact, that is all that?s going through my mind.
The nurse said ?you?ve been here for eighteen days and they haven?t changed your medications?!?. That?s all everyone says asides from the psychiatrists. I?ve just been left in a total state for 18 days and nothing has been changed.
I feel like my doctors have really given up on me. They increased the Clozapine to 80mg and it made no difference, they reduced the Prozac from 80mg to 60mg and kept the Seroquel at 600mg. Nothing else has been changed.
The nurse just said to me she doesn?t know what to say to me but that I should ask (again) my psychiatrist what is the plan regarding medications. Seemingly nothing.
The nurse have me 2mg Clonazepam and just sent me on my way and said to go and relax in bed. Which is what I?ve been doing all day, trying to read and not be in bed but I?m just frozen in bed with bad bad thoughts.
I feel hopeless and helpless.
It feels like nobody can help me and nobody is even trying any more. What have I been doing for 18 days here? Just rotting away even more, not sleeping properly, bad depressed mood, full of anger because they?re not doing anything to help me.
I just really don?t understand what the point of life is, on top of that, what is the purpose of me being in hospital. Really to just carry on not sleeping and being depressed and anxious and just thrown a load of meds at me that don?t work. And they know they don?t help. It?s been proven that every hour I have been to the nurses office to say that I?m still awake so that it can be written down in the report so the psychiatrists can see that I?m not BSing them.
Like I?ve got a reason to BS them and tell them I don?t feel well when I really do?! Because?? What a pile of s*it. Pardon my French.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
That's utter nonsense, AmZ.
It's been the same story for months... in hospital, out of hospital, in the closed ward, in the open ward.
You continue to second guess your doctors and the nursing staff for not doing more to help you, which is quite unfair, especially in the case of the nurses... they cannot change medications until changes are approved by the doctors.
When you reach the point where you stop blaming other people and accept that most of the effort toward change is going to have to come from you, then you will start to see some real progress.
- They are clearly trying to help you. It's just that it's not fast enough for you and you refuse to accept that this is the way it must be with these types of medications.
- By your own comments, things have been done to try to help you with several changes since your hospitalization.
- You have been told repeatedly that medications aren't the whole answer, that you have to do some things to help yourself as well. You have had several suggestions on how you might do this. You agree superficially but you either try them for a day at most or you ignore the suggestions entirely.
It's been the same story for months... in hospital, out of hospital, in the closed ward, in the open ward.
You continue to second guess your doctors and the nursing staff for not doing more to help you, which is quite unfair, especially in the case of the nurses... they cannot change medications until changes are approved by the doctors.
When you reach the point where you stop blaming other people and accept that most of the effort toward change is going to have to come from you, then you will start to see some real progress.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
AmZ
Member
Why must it take 18 days (and counting) to do something with my meds? I may not have the most patience and I understand that but meet me half way or something please.
They decreased the Prozac a couple of days ago. They increased the Clozapine a week ago and no difference with my sleep. So at lease a week of nothing happening there.
I know that medications are not the only answer, wow do i lnow thst, and I've been trying my absolute best in one-on-one therapy and I do ALL the activities that the hospital have on offer including group therapy, the art room, etc.
I know that nurses can't change medications but I feel at a total loss here. I've tried talking to a couple of nurses and I'm always left feeling helpless. They have nothing to say to me asides from talk about medications. Hello hello. Anyone out there?
I'm not blaming other people per se. I just don't see that they are doing all they can to help me. And they don't even open their mouths to at least tell me to hang in there and that there are options. I just get blank stares and hmms.
Very much want to self-harm and it's from this confusing and aggravating situation as to why I want to do this. And that I guess I'll harm myself because I'm a worthless piece of crap that can't get her act together after two years.
Totally pissed.
It's going to take me 3 minutes to get ready to self harm and I am very much am feeling the impulsiveness. I think just throw me in the closed ward and throw away the darn key. Maybe I belong there with all the loonies?
I have no other outlet.
They decreased the Prozac a couple of days ago. They increased the Clozapine a week ago and no difference with my sleep. So at lease a week of nothing happening there.
I know that medications are not the only answer, wow do i lnow thst, and I've been trying my absolute best in one-on-one therapy and I do ALL the activities that the hospital have on offer including group therapy, the art room, etc.
I know that nurses can't change medications but I feel at a total loss here. I've tried talking to a couple of nurses and I'm always left feeling helpless. They have nothing to say to me asides from talk about medications. Hello hello. Anyone out there?
I'm not blaming other people per se. I just don't see that they are doing all they can to help me. And they don't even open their mouths to at least tell me to hang in there and that there are options. I just get blank stares and hmms.
Very much want to self-harm and it's from this confusing and aggravating situation as to why I want to do this. And that I guess I'll harm myself because I'm a worthless piece of crap that can't get her act together after two years.
Totally pissed.
It's going to take me 3 minutes to get ready to self harm and I am very much am feeling the impulsiveness. I think just throw me in the closed ward and throw away the darn key. Maybe I belong there with all the loonies?
I have no other outlet.
You do have other outlets however you continually return to old patterns. In a previous post you equated blogging to journalling - these are not the same thing at all. In a blog you are playing to an audience; in a journal you are writing to express emotions, fears, disappointments, etc in an effort to release those emotions in a constructive manner. The treatment of severe depression is a marathon not a sprint, you need to have faith that your doctors know what they doing as they have the training and expertise.
AmZ
Member
Just running out of patience. I've been suffering for 2 years now with no let up asides from a few better days here and there. I've spent the last 15 months in hospital.
They're talking more about ECT. Hmm.
I can't get my emotions out after all of this time and I either self-harm or punch the wall like now. I'm extremely close to self-harming again and the closed ward is going to be hell. I don't know what to do.
The shift just changed with the nurses and one came in and asked if the Clonazepam helped. I said no. My thoughts are just the same as before. If not, stronger. I didn't have physical anxiety and it didn't calm my thoughts.
My dad and sister are due to call me and I have to tell them I'm not feeling good. I've had enough of it.
I am about to get up and do it. Just wish that closed ward wasn't so dramatic all the time with fights and the isolation room, people strapped to the beds, a majority of men to deal with, stressed out and strict nurses that close the door on your face because they think you've lost your mind like other people in there. All eggs in one basket. Basket-cases.
I don't know what to do with myself.
They're talking more about ECT. Hmm.
I can't get my emotions out after all of this time and I either self-harm or punch the wall like now. I'm extremely close to self-harming again and the closed ward is going to be hell. I don't know what to do.
The shift just changed with the nurses and one came in and asked if the Clonazepam helped. I said no. My thoughts are just the same as before. If not, stronger. I didn't have physical anxiety and it didn't calm my thoughts.
My dad and sister are due to call me and I have to tell them I'm not feeling good. I've had enough of it.
I am about to get up and do it. Just wish that closed ward wasn't so dramatic all the time with fights and the isolation room, people strapped to the beds, a majority of men to deal with, stressed out and strict nurses that close the door on your face because they think you've lost your mind like other people in there. All eggs in one basket. Basket-cases.
I don't know what to do with myself.
AmZ
Member
Yep. But they also listed a few medications that I haven't tried which I would like to be the first port of call, understandably.
Did the doctor's offer up their opinion regarding the use of those medications?
Ok, so you have a plan in place, and this should be your current focus. Your doctors are working on your behalf, so your responsibility is to allow them the time and the opportunity to try the strategies they have in their protocol, and just go with the flow.
It seems you find reason to oppose or to find fault with just about everything and everyone you come in contact with who is working to help you at the hospital. While it's understandably frustrating there doesn't seem to be a silver bullet remedy to your situation.
As has been repeatedly said, the state of the art for treating this illness, as it is known today, requires trial and error. Those for whom treatment is most likely to find success are the patients with patience, with understanding and a positive, optimistic attitude despite the periodic setbacks and negative influences of the illness.
You need to make a commitment to yourself that you will do everything in your power to get through this so you can regain control over your life?
AmZ
Member
Yes, they said Valporal and Cymbalta and a couple more. I just want to get going on something already. I don't see that that's such a bad thing to want to do after having 18 days of nothing. So come on and do something. I don't know what we're waiting for.
It's very difficult understandably to have patience when you're suffering do much. I admit, I am lacking in patience because of that and just looking at the facts of it.
It's very difficult understandably to have patience when you're suffering do much. I admit, I am lacking in patience because of that and just looking at the facts of it.
Really we have all suffered though years of mental illness - just ask some of us how long it's been However through that suffering we are all telling you to have patience, work the program, listen to your doctors, therapists, social workers and nurses. These people are your allies not your enemies. The fact is we have made it through the worst of times by using the help and support and being responsible for our own well being. Some of us still have bad days but we work through them. Until you are through to the other side you will never appreciate the help and support that is being given to you every day.
AmZ
Member
I can't stop or accept the thoughts of wanting to self-harm. I'm frozen in bed nearly jumping up in order to self-harm. The nurse said to go the office and they'll get the on-call psychiatrist to give me some other thing asides from the 2 mg Clonazepam I've already taken. Problem is, I don't think these meds stop my thoughts.
I just want to be drunk or stoned out of my face to stop it. To escape.
I just want to be drunk or stoned out of my face to stop it. To escape.
Replying is not possible. This forum is only available as an archive.