Working while Waiting for Disability

[stargazer]

I shall. And I'm out the door.

 

[stargazer]

My Psychiatric Evaluation

I'm here to report the results of my psychiatric evaluation, which was this morning. I believe I was very honest with the doctor, without either exaggerating or downplaying my symptoms. It also happened that I was underslept, had not eaten breakfast, and was a little bit "wound up" -- a nervous edge. I'm sure that was evident. But I didn't feel scattered or "manic," or anything like that.

After a pretty thorough evaluation, the doctor decided it would be best if I were referred to a therapist first, and begin therapy, before it could be determined whether psychiatric medication is indicated. Nobody doubts that I had a Bipolar One manic episode in 2004, but he did take note of the fact that the doctor I saw briefly in this County last Summer expressed doubts that I was Bipolar One. (She thought perhaps Bipolar Two or something). Unfortunately, I didn't follow through there last summer because of then temporarily re-locating in the San Francisco Bay Area. (That's another story. Good things happened in the Bay Area on another plane, but then I had to come back because I couldn't keep up the high cost of rent there.)

I think (but am not sure) that the doctor was leaning toward thinking that a lot of my problem with mood swing will be alleviated if my sleep patterns are stabilized, by Seroquil or Zyprexa. But I might not be using the term "mood swing" correctly here. I had told him I tend to feel much more edgy when underslept, which is frequently, and that I tend to handle stress much better when sufficiently slept, which is rare.

Throughout the evaluation, I focused on my anger issues which, although I haven't discussed them much in this forum, seem to me, and to those close to me, to be what mostly interferes with my progress in life. Most people have not seen a temper in me, other than an occasional angry e-mail, but I think the angry e-mails indicate an angry force inside of me, that drives me, and that I can sometimes channel into my creative work, but that often I go through laborious internal detours in order to circumvent and get around. It gets tiring.

So we figured I ought to explore the anger issues in therapy first, before anything else happens. And that's about the size of it. I'm pretty happy with this decision, at least for now. I did tell him I would be leaving for the Bay Area for my two week job as a musical director for a childrens theatre program, but they will probably contact me by e-mail while I'm down there, so we can get the therapy appointments started in July.

Thanks, everyone, for all your support.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Interesting. The most positive thing about all that, stargazer, is that you obviously saw someone who has an open mind and is an independent thinker, and someone who is not in a huge rush to medicate you "to see what happens".

 

[stargazer]

He did seem to have an open mind, and I think he could tell I was telling the truth, insofar as it is in my capacity to discern it. However, there might also have been the factor that a lot of the patients come in for the specific purpose of receiving drugs, which can be aggravating, especially when there are only two County Mental Health doctors serving this branch, and neither of them can make it up to the town in which I live very often. But yes, I was stricken that he seemed very objective and open-minded, and I believe he was reciprocating honesty with honesty.

 

[stargazer]

By the way, if anyone has Broadband (or doesn't mind indulging me in a long download on Dial-Up) my fourteen year old voice student just sang my song "Reaching..." and I have uploaded it onto the Music Page of my web site. She starts off just a wee bit shaky (that was partly the sound mix job) but I am overall really proud of her. It's the 4th song down on the list.

 

[Peanut]

Hey Stargazer!! It sounds like things went relatively well! It sounds like you're being really open and up front about things and I'm sure that is going to help out the process quite a bit!

That's exciting that your new job is starting on Monday!! Are you excited or nervous or both?! I know you'll be great.

I will also download that song! I can't wait to hear it!!

Great job stargazer!!

PS--I also want to add that I love the way you write--it is always a pleasure to read your posts!!

 

[Holly]

Hi stargazer,
Wonderful glad the meeting went well for you, take care. Thank you for the update, I will see if I can listen to the song on your site! Have a wonderful weekend!

 

[ThatLady]

Good news, Stargazer! It sounds like your appointment went very well. Additionally, you'll have no worries about trying to adjust to a new medication while you're on your new job. You're moving forward, hon. That's the best any of us can do.

I'll try to download your song later this evening, or tomorrow morning. I'm anxious to hear it.

 

[stargazer]

That's exciting that your new job is starting on Monday!! Are you excited or nervous or both?! I also want to add that I love the way you write--it is always a pleasure to read your posts!!"

I'm both excited and nervous. Most of my nerves, however, relate only to the logistics of getting there, making sure I don't miss a train connect, and I remember to bring enough changes of clothing, etc. The actual work will probably be fun as usual.

It sounds like your appointment went very well. Additionally, you'll have no worries about trying to adjust to a new medication while you're on your new job. You're moving forward, hon. That's the best any of us can do.

I also want to add that I love the way you write--it is always a pleasure to read your posts!!

I've been meaning to say that I always appreciate your posts, too, Toeless, for your clearly positive attitude, energy, and spirit. And to all of you, many thanks for your interest in my song and my student's talent! I can't wait to hear your feedback.

 

[Halo]

Hi Stargazer,

I am glad that your appointment went well today and that you seem to be in good spirits. I too think that it was great that this person did not want to just push more and more meds and wants to start with therapy first. What a great idea. So happy to hear that you won't have to struggle with new meds while your working. Again, does your job start on Monday? If you are relocating to the Bay Area for the two weeks does that mean that you will not be logging on? I too love your posts and would really miss you if you weren't here.

BTW - I will definitely download the song as I think it is great that you wrote a song...looking forward to hearing it.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[stargazer]

Yes Nancy, I'm fine with everything and also happy I don't have to worry about adjusting to new meds during the two weeks of the new job. I am taking my laptop with me and should be able to log on at Wi-Fi cafes, though irregularly. That means probably after 6pm (your time) or (outside chance) before 1pm your time. My job hours are 10am-3pm my time. Yes, I start on Monday.

 

[ThatLady]

The very best with the job, stargazer. I hope you enjoy it and have fun while you're away. It's a chance for change and an opportunity to do something new and different for a bit. That can be very revitalizing.

 

[Halo]

Stargazer,

In case I don't get a chance to say it before Monday...good luck with the new job. I hope that you enjoy yourself doing what you love. I look forward to updates from the Bay (whenever you have a chance to log on).

Take Care and remember, have fun with the kids.

Nancy

 

[Holly]

By the way, if anyone has Broadband (or doesn't mind indulging me in a long download on Dial-Up) my fourteen year old voice student just sang my song "Reaching..." and I have uploaded it onto the Music Page of my web site. She starts off just a wee bit shaky (that was partly the sound mix job) but I am overall really proud of her. It's the 4th song down on the list.

Hi Stargazer,
She is only 14 years old, WOW, I love her voice, great song, Reaching for your hand! Did you write the song? If you did not does it tell us on the website?
The song has unique lyrics, Stargazer.
I listened to it on Real Player! If you can let her know, I leave that up to you, I think she has a beautiful voice. Very talented young lady.
Thank you, the song made my night.

 

[stargazer]

The very best with the job, stargazer. I hope you enjoy it and have fun while you're away. It's a chance for change and an opportunity to do something new and different for a bit. That can be very revitalizing.

Yes. I usually benefit from two weeks away, even without a paycheck! And this is work I love, so I really am looking forward to it. Plus, the change of locale and perspective can be invigorating.

She is only 14 years old, WOW, I love her voice, great song, Reaching for your hand! Did you write the song? If you did not does it tell us on the website? The song has unique lyrics, Stargazer. I listened to it on Real Player! If you can let her know, I leave that up to you, I think she has a beautiful voice. Very talented young lady. Thank you, the song made my night.

I'm in the process of gathering up quotes from people who have heard it to give to her when her family comes back from vacation. She and her older sister were also called back for the leading role in a big production their church demonination is doing in the State capital, and they should know by next week who is cast. They were called back out of 200 girls who auditioned, though I don't know how many were called back. Both girls are very talented, and the whole family is musical.

Yes, I wrote the song. There are credits and a copyright notice at the bottom of the page. I'm glad you appreciated it.

 

[Peanut]

Hi Stargazer! Well I haven't read what the others have said yet so their opinion won't effect mine before I tell you! You will have to bear with me as I don't know music terminology really well--but I was impressed!! I like the song a lot! The singer did a really nice job singing it too! It's hard to believe that she's just 14...I remember 14 and it was way awkward, it would have been really nice to have such a wonderful talent as she does. My favorite parts of the song were when the tempo picked up in the middle and I also liked how the song ended. I liked the lyrics a lot too. You guys both did a wonderful job!!! 👏

And I see this was in Berkeley??!?! Wait a minute..I could have swore I read that somewhere but now I can't find it. Was it?!

I'm in the process of gathering up quotes from people who have heard it to give to her when her family comes back from vacation.

That is such a lovely thing to do! How thoughtful of you! I am sure she will love them!! How meaningful!

I've been meaning to say that I always appreciate your posts, too, Toeless, for your clearly positive attitude, energy, and spirit.

Thanks stargazer That's really sweet of you...I guess it's just about never saying die (especially in front of your therapist )!! In all honestly I wish I could write more like you do! It's not very surprising actually that you are able to do such a beautiful job writing music because the way that you write comes across to me as very artistic and....what's the word...very eloquent.

I'm planning on looking around more on your website too. I was there the other day but didn't have too much of a chance to read and hear as much as I wanted to. So I'll be back this weekend and check out the other songs and the forum (it looks like Dr. B helped you with the webpage?! How cool!). I don't see Dr. Baxter singing anything but it's good to have friends that are capable of doing a variety of things

Thanks for the link!! It was a lot of fun to listen to and I am so excited to have heard something that you wrote!!!

Yay!! 👏 👏

I'm still excited for your job on Monday too!! That's going to be awesome and I am sure that you'll be able to work the logistics out! It's worth it for something that you love like this!!

OK talk to you later!!

 

[stargazer]

I see this was in Berkeley??!?! Wait a minute..I could have sworn I read that somewhere but now I can't find it. Was it?!

Actually, it was done out in the Wine Country east of Stockton. (I know you know the area, being as you yourself once lived in this neck of the woods.) The guy who runs the local music store also operates a studio out there. But yes, you did get Berkeley right. Our previous sessions were held at a studio in the Berkeley hills, and that's where the project will likely be finalized. There's info on the Music Page, including a link to the Berkeley studio.

I am in fact in Berkeley at this moment, at a Wi-Fi cafe as promised, where my wonderful daughter Echo has just shown up for coffee. She lives here.

And thanks for your feedback on the song! I'm glad you liked it. Isn't Tessa talented? Yes, please feel free to return to the Music Page. This afternoon I've scheduled three more hours at the Berkeley studio with a local singer from Foothill Music Theatre in Los Altos. She's going to put the vocals over the instrumental track labled "Secrets." Then we'll probably fine-tune some of the earlier songs, particularly the one called "Testament."

I'm really glad you guys are enjoying my music. I don't get much of an audience these days, not where I live. (My priest and I were just discussing that in counseling...)

 

[Peanut]

First I want to say that I'm sorry I didn't use Tessa's name!! I couldn't remember it and meant to go back and insert it but forgot!! You are definitely right to give credit where credit is due!! Sorry!

Actually, it was done out in the Wine Country east of Stockton. (I know you know the area, being as you yourself once lived in this neck of the woods.) The guy who runs the local music store also operates a studio out there. But yes, you did get Berkeley right. Our previous sessions were held at a studio in the Berkeley hills, and that's where the project will likely be finalized. There's info on the Music Page, including a link to the Berkeley studio.

Ohhh, I bet I read that on the Music Page and that's why I couldn't find it on here! That is an absolutely great area to be in, especially for doing the kind of work that you do! I feel closer to Cali just living vicariously through you!

I am in fact in Berkeley at this moment, at a Wi-Fi cafe as promised

I am SO JEALOUS!! That is it I'm moving back! There's no place like Berkeley! Really! Maybe Ashland, OR is sort of similar? Do you think?

where my wonderful daughter Echo has just shown up for coffee.

I like the name Echo...it's very pretty

This afternoon I've scheduled three more hours at the Berkeley studio with a local singer from Foothill Music Theatre in Los Altos. She's going to put the vocals over the instrumental track labled "Secrets." Then we'll probably fine-tune some of the earlier songs, particularly the one called "Testament."

Great! I will check it out. Your life sounds so exciting!! Recording songs and everything! It sounds like a blast!

 

[stargazer]

There's no place like Berkeley! Really! Maybe Ashland, OR is sort of similar? Do you think?

I think so, yes. Ashland and Berkeley have some things in common. U of Oregon is at Ashland, and there's a collegiate populus there too, like here in Berkeley. My friend Phil used to be an actor at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, but I haven't been up there lately. I think Oregon is just beautiful, though.

Your life sounds so exciting!!

Somebody else from the Internet said the same thing last week. I think my life probably looks more exciting on "paper" than it is in reality. But yes, recording is fun, though expensive. It can sometimes be frustrating when we don't get everything done in a given session that we'd planned. Hopefully that won't happen this evening! I'm fairly well-prepared today, but obstacles have a tendency of arising at the oddest times.

It looks like Dr. B helped you with the webpage?! How cool!

Yes, Dr. Baxter designed the web site for me. I just add text and sound files every now and then, and try to maintain it.

I like the name Echo...it's very pretty.

I love the name myself. Her given name was Angela, but she chose Echo as a stage name when she was emceeing her hip-hop crew, and now she uses it for her writing, like on MySpace, etc. I hardly ever call her Angela anymore.

She just took off, by the way. Guess I'm just killing time at the ol' Wi-Fi cafe.

 

[Peanut]

My friend Phil used to be an actor at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, but I haven't been up there lately.

That's exactly what I was thinking of...I was thinking you might like that Festival! I've been there once but it was sooo long ago. Have you been before?

U of Oregon is at Ashland

Actually I think U of O is in Eugene which is another very cool town too. I get those two towns (or are they cities?) mixed up. They both have a lot of little shops and things, kind of like Berkeley. Someone in my family went to college at UC Berkeley (and another one to U of O).

I think Oregon is just beautiful, though.

Yea...but there's no PALM TREES here and those are what I love!

Somebody else from the Internet said the same thing last week. I think my life probably looks more exciting on "paper" than it is in reality. But yes, recording is fun, though expensive. It can sometimes be frustrating when we don't get everything done in a given session that we'd planned. Hopefully that won't happen this evening! I'm fairly well-prepared today, but obstacles have a tendency of arising at the oddest times

That's funny someone else just said that too! I think the recording sounds exciting! Most people never get to do that...I bet it is expensive, but well worth it

I love the name myself. Her given name was Angela, but she chose Echo as a stage name when she was emceeing her hip-hop crew, and now she uses it for her writing, like on MySpace, etc. I hardly ever call her Angela anymore

Wow~ she gave herself that name!? I love it...how creative! So she is into the arts as well then?