hello,
I was sexually abused when I was 7 and have recentley been finding it really hard to cope, ive only told one person as i find it hard to trust people. Im too scared to ask for help or goto a doctor/therapist, also dont think im ready at the moment. Find it really hard to talk about. Just feel really confused. Feels like im going crazy...
Finding it hard to study, behind with work and cant concentrate. Keep getting memorys/flashbacks not to often if i try and block it out and tell myself it was nothing, but dont think avoidence is the best way to deal with it in the long run.
Finding it hard to sleep. (takes awhile to get to sleep and sometimes bad dreams).
Anxiety, cant relax and feel panicy around people or even when i think about being around people when im alone, hand shakes if i think or know somebodys watching while im drawing or writing so makes work harder and i worrie if anybody notices.
Really up and down moods or no mood at all(kinda the mood im in now). Worried about being happy as i know i will only feel really bad for it later. Also worrie about what people think of me when im really up and down and start talking bs as usually it doesnt really make much sence.
Feel guilty about telling certain people im having trouble such as friends as its not their problem and hate upsetting people or making them feel like the have to help or be there. Use to dealing with things on my own and find it hard to ask for help or know what to say and how to act/respond when i do. The fact that most of it sounds crazy doesnt really help either : )
Having trouble stoping SI'ing. :/ Makes me feel ashamed afterwards, but improves my mood at the time. Quick fix i guess to help me through the day. Kinda conflicted about stopping because i know its wrong, but find it makes me feel better at the time. Also worried if i go too far one day and loose control.
Dont understand how one event from long ago can effect me so much...
would apprecaite some advice...