advice needed

[Cat Dancer]

When that happens to me I try to focus on the moment that I'm in, look around and realize that I am not back there at that time. I am here now and I survived. It also helps to focus on something to do like write or read something or listen to music.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

 

[port]

 

[port]

dont think i can go on with this much longer.. dont know what to do anymore... seems like things r commin to an end.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

port, see http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=1753.

Have you got an appointment with a therapist/counselor yet?

 

[port]

:/ no not yet.. really up and down moods recentley, seem to go from hopelessness to lifes ok in the space of an hour, feels like im goin round in circles. Gettin abit crazy tbh. Feel like i need to talk about it more get it outta my head, not sure tho. never sure of anything

 

[cm]

Hi port,

This is a good place to talk. What's up today?

 

[port]

not sure, just keep feeling really down.. Tired of remembering and feeling this way. Cant seem to sort myself out...

 

[cm]

Well, what's been on your mind today (if you feel like sharing it)?

 

[port]

Got a new book which i was really nervous about gettin, only read a few pages.. made me feel shitty... Cant seem to get it out my head..

Have to go bk to college on monday havent finnished my work :/

Been thinkin alot more about seeing a doctor, cant face it yet tho. Just wish i could talk about it, if i knew i could would make it so much eaier to go. just makes me feel so bad... bah

 

[cm]

Yes, I know it's hard to concentrate on homework when other ideas are on the mind. Is the new book about issues that you are dealing with then? That must be very difficult.

 

[port]

the courage to heal :/

think im worried im never gonner get past this, cant seem to ask for help. just wish i wasnt so ashamed and could just get it all out of my system.

 

[cm]

I think you are already showing courage port. You are reaching out for help through this forum. It is a great place to come for help and support, for lots of us. You also had the courage to get a book that may help you. I think each of these actions shows courage, so it looks like you are making progress, step by step. I guess it's kind of like an evolution--it can occur slowly over time (like growing too, I guess, which means sometimes it's very slow and then, there may be a growth spurt at some point when the time is right). I think you are making progress and I'm glad you are a part of the forum here.

 

[port]

thanks, think maybe im just expectin to much and started to get disapointed with the results. an all or nothing kinda thing maybe.

Gd to have different people to talk to, appreciate ur replys.

kinda worried that soon i wont have anyone to talk to which is kinda selfish and is pissin me off that im thinkin that way.

Seem to be really insecure :/ crazy..

Just hard tryin to fix somethin wen u dont know wats wrong... :/

 

[cm]

Is there a reason why you might not have anyone to talk to in the near future?

 

[port]

nah not really, just somethin i was really worried about, seems kinda stupid now. had one of those weekends... but its all gd


just noticed it sounds like im talkin about suicide, which im not btw. 0_0 Was more like a who would want to talk to me, everyone hates me kinda thing...

 

[cm]

Well, always remember that there are many of us here around this forum that do care about you, and like talking with you. I hope you will keep us informed on how things are going with you.
cm

 

[port]

k ty.. things r goin pretty well i think...

 

[port]

hi again..
things seem to be going resonable ok at the moment, having really bad days at times but apart from that its all gd...

been thinking about talking about it to a friend who already knows, but ive never done it face to face in real life :/ not sure wether its a gd idea or not. dont think il even be able to speak just something thats been at the back of my mind that its something that i should do :/ was hoping for some advice :/

 

[Techie]

Hi Port,

Its a tough place to be...

I know for me it was... it was hard telling somebody about the abuse the first time... and next few times after that. I was embarrassed. I felt like they would look at me strangely or think I was strange. But I learned over time that feeling like that is a legacy left over from the abuse... we as children seem to think the abuse was our fault... like it was something we did or must have deserved. It takes a while to learn (as adults) how our thoughts and feelings have become twisted.

But it helps to talk about it. It really does. It helps us to break out of that cocoon we feel trapped in. (I sometimes feel 'trapped in my mind')

Some people prefer family or friends to tell about it... I personally could not turn to family (they were the abusers) and I had only a very few friends. I found it easier to tell 'strangers'... my therapists... because they did not 'know' me... it felt less threatening and embarrassing.

It was hard building up the courage and it took several sessions before it really started coming out. But once the secret was out it started to lose its hold on me. It was a weight off my shoulders.. I did not have to carry the secret or the 'shame' I felt.

Letting it out really does help. Especially when you get into the details of it. Getting out the deep stuff is like releasing the pressure on a pressure cooker. Then it gets easier each time... your stress levels drop and concentration usually improves. As does the sleep.

Can I ask... you are young... but do you take something to help you sleep ? Just a word of caution if you do... MOST sleeping aids will heighten dreaming and many can cause nightmares. Its different with ever person but as a whole its a very common side effect.

Also... are you in a safe place in your life now ? Without prying too much here... I hope you are away from the abuser(s) now ? If the abuser is in your life still then having a therapist is VERY important... they can help you learn proper techniques to calm yourself. Some people find that closure comes from pressing formal police charges against their abuser... even if MANY years have passed since the abuse.

Please keep in touch Port.

Hugs
Kevin

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's well said, Kevin.

Another way to think of it, port, is that you feel as if you are carrying around a shameful secret -- and you are -- but it's not your shameful secret: it's the abuser's shameful secret. I think that's part of what Kevin is saying: You let go of it because it isn't your shame to begin with and when you are able to do that you may well feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.