More threads by port

port

Member
im 18, dont have any contact at all with him.

think maybe it was a bad idea to ask a friend if they wanted to talk about it sometime, havent heard from them since, prob busy but cant help feeling ive said something wrong or shouldnt of said anything at all. no-one wants to hear that shit tbh... but dont know... probably wouldnt be able to do it anyway.
 

port

Member
any advice on how to talk about it to make it easier for all concerned? not sure wat to say or how to say it :/ not sure if il even be able to say anything...
 

Techie

Member
Hi Port,

Its tough to make that first step... isn't it ? Thats ok.

Following up on my last post... how do you feel about talking ? I know you say you might not be able to... but without getting into details... what feelings are you having ?

Anger ?
Sadness ?
Embaressment ?

In other words... what is making you feel like its so hard to talk about ?

Maybe thats a good place to start ? This way you dont have to give details and you can start getting a sense of how it feels to let things out.

Perhaps here might be a safe place to start ? People here are maybe more likely to know where you are coming from.

Hugs
Kevin
 

port

Member
not sure what i feel, just bad. cant really tell the difference between whats what. :/ think i feel ashamed...

i cant seem to get the words out, start to stutter :/
 

Techie

Member
Feeling confused ? I know that feeling... not sure what to think... even what to feel ?

I think that most survivors feel ashamed.

REALLY dont want to push... but you seem like you would like to get it out ? Would it be hard to start by telling whom it was that hurt you ?

Kev
 

port

Member
was wonderin why i stutter and cant seem to get the words out when i try and talk about it?
stuttered before when asking people certain things but never really been abig problem then again usually dont talk or say somethin else instead, tired of bein a mass of one word answers and phrases...
 

Techie

Member
I am no expert... but my guess would be stress.

Different people manifest stress in any number of ways... some rub their palms of their hands together... some rock... some have a restless leg that shakes... some become 'disconnected' (my symptom). The thing is... all of these 'symptoms' are those displayed by people I have known who were undergoing stress while talking about their abuse.

From this and from what you have said... one could surmise that your stutter comes from stress. It would not have to be from talking about the bad events... it could also happen when talking to somebody you 'like' the very first time... or if you are mad at somebody... or if you are discussing or thinking about something that makes you nervous in any way.

Do you notice if you stutter when talking about other things ? Asking somebody out for the first time ? Talking about exam or test results ? When fighting with a friend ? Or does it only happen when you want to talk about the abuse ?

I would need to call on David's expertise here... but it would appear that if it happened while talking about any number of stressful events then I would say that it was as a result of self-confidence and/or assertiveness issues. If it only happens when talking about the abuse then it is obviously directly related to the trauma.

Take care.
Kev
 

port

Member
Tends to happen wen i want to say or ask something important, like talking about how i feel or why i cant do certain things, asking people for their opinion on things. :/


ty 4 replying...
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Port, the stuttering is possibly an independent issue that is aggravated by anxiety or stress, but, like PTSD, there are effective treatments for both.

They key, I think, for you is to get to the point where you are willing to go and see a therapist. It's far easier than talking to a friend. Indeed, it's a lot like talking to people here, because the therapist is there to listen and to help, with empathy and support, not to judge or criticize. A therapist will never think badly of you and you do not have to worry about what the therapist thinks or feels.
 

ThatLady

Member
I've had a couple of friends who had stuttering problems much like that which you describe. They were able to get therapy and overcome it. So can you, Port. It's just a matter of taking that first, albeit difficult, step. Good luck to you! :eek:)
 

cm

Member
Hi port,

There's some really good insight here by all the posters.
I wanted to share what happens to me when I am talking or even thinking, about distressful things. First, my muscles really tighten up, practically all of them, and my breathing becomes shallow and tense too. When my muscles tighten, I start shaking, especially in the hands, and also the voice. It's kind of embarassing because of the reactions I perceive in the people I'm talking with. (my therapist doesn't have these reactions though, so it is easier to talk to them and occasionally I may even begin to 'relax' a bit--lol). Making sure that I'm warm also helps me to relax a bit more.
cm
 

port

Member
Wanted to say thanx to everyone who's posted, found some of the information very helpful and the replys comferting.

goodluck with everything...
 

port

Member
do people like me have to see a theripist? just something that i thought i would always have to do, like i was never strong enough to deal with it on my own with a little help from my friends, like i never had a choice...
 
I think it would be helpful. It's not that you aren't strong or anything like that. It's that you went through something that was very painful and traumatic and it bothers you. And talking to someone who is objective and trained to help you would do you a lot of good. The thing about talking to friends is sometimes they can't handle things. I told a friend once about a problem I was having and it turned out badly. And sometimes friends have gone through similar things and can't deal with hearing it from someone they care about. Of course, there are friends who can handle these things, but I think it's really good to get a counselor to talk to. In fact, I need to take my own advice.

I really hope you will find someone to talk to about this. I want so much for you to heal. And remember it's a process, not something that will happen overnight.
 

HA

Member
Hello Port,

Janet has given you some excellent advice. If you are wondering how your childhood abuse experiences have affected your life, then a professional therapist would be able to answer this question and help you better understand this.

It is a sign of strength to seek out help, not a sign of weakness. Good for you for reaching out in this forum and I hope you get connected to some professional help soon.
 

port

Member
k thanx for your repleys, think im gonner try talking to a friend who already knows about it but never actually told them in real life..
 

HA

Member
Hello Port,

I have been reading about childhood sexual abuse and came across this list of questions that people should ask themselves before speaking about there abuse with friends and others.

To keep yourself safe consider asking yourself these questions when you are deciding to open up to someone :

"How long have I known this person?"

"Have I given myself time to find out about their values and opinions?"

"Do I respect their values and opinions?"

"Does this person show respect for me?"

"Do they show respect for others?"

"When I speak about something that's personal, can they listen?"

" Do I feel judged or unsafe with this person?"


Asking ourselves these questions gives us more of an understanding of what kind of a relationship is possible with others and whether they are someone who can/will accept us as we are.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
And maybe add this one:

"Is this an individual who will respect my privacy and confidence and not go talking about me behind my back or gossiping to others about what we discuss? Does this person talk about conversations s/he has had with other people in confidence?"
 
Replying is not possible. This forum is only available as an archive.
Top